Obligatory New Year's Post

Here is my post to review 2012 and my hopes for the coming year.

I had great hopes for 2012 this time last year because, frankly, 2011 sucked. Unfortunately, 2012 did not live up to these hopes, at least not in the first few months. It was almost as though 2012 was mocking me for believing everything could suddenly get better on January 1st, so the year through many various struggles at me. I think the worst part was that these big struggles were not spread out. When I think of 2012, I think of two major events that occurred in the life of my family, two difficult events that still trouble me and I hope never happen again, and both of these events occured in the space of a few months. Approximately 3 months. It makes it pretty hard to try and deal with two very emotional, draining, upsetting and confronting events at the same time.

I am one of those cheesy people that believes things happen for a reason. Maybe not every little thing but most things, yes. These events- definitely. I think they were meant to teach me lessons, about other people and about myself. I haven't figured out what those lessons were yet, but I have taken some good things away from them. I guess they both helped me realise what kind of person I want to be now and in the future. Maybe dreams I already had, but they were brought to the foreground. One of these events, may have brought me closer to realising a very real possibility for my future career in Developmental Psychology. Maybe not, but I have tried to look for the positives that can come out of these times.

I started and finished my first year of University and I am actually really quite proud of myself. I did it. I feel like, if I could do the first year without too many issues, I can totally finish a whole degree. I passed  all my subjects and even did pretty well in a few of them. I made new friends. Not many, but for me that is a huge deal. Granted, they were all from Japanese class and I was pretty much a loner in all other courses throughout the year. Oh no, wait. I made a friend in my second year Psych course in 2nd semester, but she didn't turn up for the second half of the semester so I was still pretty loner-y. But I learn to not care about being a loner in most classes. I know I have friends. And, frankly, I like being on my own a lot. I like hanging with friends during class and chatting during the breaks, but I also quite like being alone. I do hope, however, to make some more friends this coming uni year.

I learnt to drive this year. Properly. Despite my dislike of driving and the anxiety it caused me, I got up all my hours and finally passed my test, just a couple of weeks ago. I do not have my own car yet, but having my Ps has really come in handy already and I'm so glad that my mum forced me to do it and that I also forced myself.

I became obsessed with new TV shows this year. I now that the fact that is a small highlight of my year makes me seem pretty pathetic, but I like TV, OK? Do not judge me! I started The Office and Community and became thoroughly obsessed with both. I recently decided they are my two favourite shows.

I started trying to be a healthier person this year with better eating and regular exercise and it has become a big part of my life. I still need to work towards a lot in those regards, mostly mentally, but I will get there.

That is my vague review of 2012 and now I will go over my hopes for 2013 which, honestly, I haven't thought much about.

Goals for 2013 written as though I am talking to myself:
1. GET A JOB. ASAP.
2. Become more independent. You am officially and adult now and although you still live at home with you parents, really try and achieve as much independence as possible in every other aspect of your life. Continue what you've started in the past month or so.
3. Learn to love yourself. This is probably the most important one. Stop comparing and worrying and getting really upset over your body and your appearance. Stop being so self-depreciating over these stupid things that don't matter. Stop thinking that you will be alone because of your body. Stop letting these awful, hateful thoughts and crazy anxieties fill your mind everyday. Focus on being as healthy and happy as you can possibly be.
4. Focus more on God. Don't just do it on a Sunday morning at church and when you pray before going to sleep. Read the Bible, pray more, sing more worship songs and don't forget about Him in your daily life. This one is the other most important.
5. Make more friends. It doesn't matter how many, but try and make conversations with people. When you see someone at uni in a class and you think they are interesting and you wish you could talk to them, stop wishing and do it. Try and hold a conversation and, if it goes well, try and start and maintain a friendship.
6. Even though you want to get out more, gain independence and act like the young adult you are, don't feel pressured into anything. Don't feel like you have to stay out till 3am and get drunk or whatever because friends want to or because it's what "normal" people your age do. Remember that it's OK to want to stay home at lie on the couch in your PJs watching reality TV shows with your parents. Just find a balance. Do those fun "young people" stuff so you don't miss out, but don't burn yourself doing so many social things that you end up not enjoying them at all. Think about what you really want to do.
7. Stop getting so frustrated with your body and its (relatively minor...) health issues. It is frustrating that it's taking so long to work out and fix, but it's going as fast as it can and you will feel much better eventually.
8. Read more. You always want to and you often start but it stagnates often. Look up books, go to the library and read all the unread books on your bookshelf.
9. Watch more movies. "Classic" movies that everyone has seen and I have not. Finish your Audrey Hepburn movies, watch those other ones on your list.
10. Cook even more. You love it, so do it more. Try new ingredients and try learning some techniques to get even better.
11. Run that 5k! It might seem really impossible right now, but there is really no reason you can't do it, just put your mind to it, think about how happy you'll be when you finish it and keep being positive.
12. Try and remember all your strategies for reducing anxieties etc. Take deep breaths, think positive thoughts, pay attention to your surroundings and, if your feeling upset for no apparent reason, do something you love. Watch an episode of one of your favourite shows and paint your nails, or bake a cake.
13. Try and keep better contact with some of the friends you, unfortunately and unintentionally, neglect. You know the ones...
14. Don't try and fit in. You know what you like, what you don't like, what you're comfortable with, your own limits etc. Don't try and change any of this because you think you should to fit in. Be yourself, girl.
15. Take more photos. Of anything and everything. Scenery, places you go, things you do, people you're with. Just capture the memories of 2013. Try and buy a new, good camera and take a photography course, like you've wanted to for years.

I think that's it. To sum up, happy New Year! Enjoy the holidays (esp. Aussie uni students) and have a great 2013!

The Politics of Human Sexuality

I was scrolling through Tumblr today, as I usually do, and came across a link for this thing called the "Kinsey's Sexuality Scale" or something along those lines. Anyway, it rates your sexuality on a scale from 1-6, with two exceptions. You answer a few true/false questions and it rates you on this scale:

0- Exclusively heterosexual
1- Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2- Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4- Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5- Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6- Exclusively homosexual
X- Non-sexual
F- The test failed to match you to a Kinsey Type profile. Either you answered some questions wrong, or you are a very unusual person

My result was X- Non-sexual. At first I was surprised, as I thought I would be 0, but then I realised it's pretty fitting for me. This doesn't mean I'm asexual (not attracted to either males or females), because I am attracted to males, just never in that way.

This may make me sound like some sad, innocent little girl, as opposed to a woman, but whatever. When I see someone and think they are attractive, any of those kind of thoughts never ever cross my mind. I generally want to like, talk to them, listen to them, learn all about them, learn their secrets, about their past, their dreams and like, hang out with them and maybe, hold their hand and hug them or something.

This post is named after an episode of Community (recently added to my list of favourite shows. Honestly, it's amazing. Watch it. Now), where the character of Annie deals with her... lack of sexuality and her innocence. Towards the end of the episode she proclaims that she doesn't care what other people say, she likes being uncomfortable with all that and being innocent etc. Basically, I am like Annie in that scene.

Friends of mine have often said things like, "Aaaaw, *insert my name here* you're so innocent/cute," with a little head shake, hug and laugh, as if I'm a little girl who is yet to grow up. Well, I don't think this "non-sexuality" means I am immature or needing to grow up. It's just me. And that's totally OK. I think it is entirely OK for me to be uncomfortable talking about these things. It's OK for me to be somewhat clueless but to have little interest in it. I'm proud to be one of the very few.

So, to conclude this seemingly random post, some words from the aforementioned Annie: "You know what? I don't want to express myself. I don't want to sit in a room full of people and say... the P-word. I like being repressed. I am totally comfortable being uncomfortable with my sexuality. And maybe, just maybe, if everyone were a little bit more like me, we wouldn't have to have an STD fair!"