I Wanted To Be Ginger. I've Never Been Ginger.

I decided I'm going to actually blog again right now, because a lot of stuff has happened in my somewhat mediocre life since my last post at the start of this month.

Well, the most important thing would be the fact that, just over a week ago, I graduated high school! I know, right? It's about time. Yet, it's also too soon. 

Yesterday I came back from my Schoolies week- a week where you go away with friends and chill out and basically celebrate not being in school anymore. Most teenagers (including the large majority of my year 12 cohort) spent this week partying and drinking. My friends and I, however, spent the week playing Halo, eating a lot, buying cheap classic books, going to the shops to steal the McDonald's free wi-fi, playing Twister, watching random movies, watching Eurovision and insulting a really slow pizza guy. Who needs drugs and alcohol when you can do that? 

I proved to myself that I think I can live by myself. Eventually. I don't mind cleaning or washing up and am responsible enough to know when it needs to be done and responsible enough to plan and cook meals.  I am conflicted though. I think I could move out, but everything would feel so empty and somewhat strange if it were just me. This week also taught me, however, that I don't think I could live with other people (other than the immediate family I live with now, of course). Now, I love my friends and I had a fun week and all, but I can be quite loner-ish. I need my own time and my own space and I like doing a lot of things my own way. Not in a selfish way, though. I guess I'm just so used to being at home, in my room able to do what I want. Use my computer and do whatever. Listen to whatever music. Watch whatever. And I am just there, alone, with my own thoughts and emotions. I can act however I want and no one will judge me if I'm in an emotional mood and the fact that I dropped something makes me cry. I don't feel self-conscious about my reactions to things, if that makes sense. I just don't think I could ever live with that many people for more than a week. I think I'm going to need to live alone. 

So, today, I started on... rebuilding myself, I guess. That's my project for these long holidays before uni starts. I need to do some rebuilding. Simple things at first such as painting my nails, cleaning and changing my room and slowly building up to doing things like getting a funky haircut and dying it all red.  I know it's all small, but I need to do this kinda stuff. 

Anyway, today I did the first two things I listed. My room is in the process of being cleaned and changed. There are some things, such as the set out of my desk, that haven't been changed (only really small changes) in about 4 or so years. I've been finally throwing things away that I've been keeping for years. You see, I'm a super sentimental person and it results in some hoarding. Today, I threw most of it out. There are things I just can't bring myself to throw out. Mainly school things. I can't bring myself to throw out my textbooks and notebooks and worksheets and things. They just bring back so many memories and I can't do it.

I've also been trying to make my room grow up more. I've gotten rid of a lot of annoying, teenage girl kind of things as I'm growing up now. 

Now, everything's so conflicting right now. One minute I'm all, "Look at me cleaning out all my junk! I am SO ready for university and this new chapter of my life!" and then I find something from school that brings back great memories and I'll tear up and be all, "I can't do this. I can't leave school. I'm not ready." I don't think I am ready, but I know I still need to get ready. It doesn't matter if I am too scared to move on from everything, I can't help it. I've graduated high school and I'm, hopefully, going to university next year, so I'm just going to have to get rid of, or at least hide, the stuff that's making me regress into reminiscing and try and prepare myself as much as possible. 

Maybe I'm doing all the Materialistic Preparation and Physical Change because I don't know how to get my mind and emotions ready. I guess I think that, if I get rid of my childish belongings and try and re-invent myself by getting a totally new hairstyle, everything inside of me will fall into place and I'll be ready. Or maybe I'm using it to distract myself from the fact that my mind and emotions are so, so not ready for this huge change. 

I'm just so scared of next year. It's become worse now that I've realised I don't want to do what I put as my first preference and I don't want to do anything else I put down. I seriously cannot find anything I actually want to do. 

You know what I really want to do? Travel. I just want to leave and go to Europe and Canada and New York and Japan. I want to get away from university and the pressures of not knowing what I want to do and just see the wonderful world. 

This would be fine if it weren't for the fact that I have no money. If I had money, I would consider actually doing this. I would just get away. But I have like, $25 or something and I'm unemployed. 

Great. I just spent like, at least 20 minutes looking up red hair... I found an entire Tumblr blog dedicated to photos of girls with red hair. I couldn't help myself. I just looked through my "Hair" folder which is filled with photos of red hair and some non-red hairstyles for ideas for cuts. They all look so nice and cool and pretty and cute and none of it will look anywhere as good on me. Hair hates me. I have got it cut pretty regularly since I cut half of it off just over 3 years ago and I try to get nice or somewhat stylish hairstyles. They generally look pretty good for the first day or two, but because I don't know how to use a straightener and blow-dryer very well and don't have the motivation to spend half-an-hour on my hair each day it never stays looking that good. Once I get this next style though, I think I'm going to try and give a damn. I want it to finally look good. I am actually deliberately and majorly changing my appearance and I want it to look the way I want for more than a day after it's done, so I guess I'm going to have to learn how to style it properly. I'm even heavily considering doing something else to change my appearance that I didn't think I'd do for a long time. It's not overly dramatic or anything, it's just dramatic for me and I think it'll surprise my mum when I get the guts to ask her. It is, also, going to mean I'll need more motivation to leave even more time to get ready each morning. I think that'll be tough. 

Guys, my hair's not even shoulder length yet. I kinda want it to grow, but I've loved having short hair these past years. You see, I have extremely thick hair. Therefore, having hair anywhere past my shoulders made it very knotty, somewhat frizzy and, because of my lack of style and motivation (and the fact that I was much younger and didn't care as much), ultimately boring. I've had many more interesting styles over the years and my hair over this past year has probably been some of my favourite. Sometimes. I generally like how it's been the past few months (since I got it cut for the formal), but it is boring and I always have it tucked behind my ears. It often looks better over my ears, but I automatically tuck it behind my ears early in the morning and that causes the ends to stick out under my ears and, therefore, if I untuck it, it sticks out and looks stupid, so my hair stays tucked behind my ears forever. Ugh. It was SO hard to keep it over my ears for the formal but I was determined to keep my hair in place and not looking stupid or lame for at least one night. It worked :)

I almost want to get my hair cut uber short, like above the ears, pixie-style kinda thing, but it would be very unlikely it would turn out OK. So, for the moment, I'm sticking with a bob. Bobs are so boring though, in my opinion, unless you have a really funky one with lots of layers and stuff. That's what I'm searching for... 

Anyway, now that I'm staying up later than I should looking up various hair ideas, I shall stop blogging for now. 

It's Like Paintball, Only With Naps!

I have three weeks left of school. Ever. To be specific, 14 days not including weekends. 14.

When I was younger, I had many dreams about what I wanted to be when I grew up, as I guess everyone did. The older I got, the less of an idea I had. I guess it's because, when we're kids, we know we have ages to decide. We also don't realise the work that has to go into being any of these things. I didn't know the work that would be involved in being a farmer or a ballerina, let alone a farming ballerina (Yes, I wanted to do this at one stage at my life). The older you get, the more realistic you get. You realise that things aren't that easy. You can actually see some sort of a future ahead of you, so you realise how important your decisions and career actually is, as opposed to some fun, childish dream.

I'm extremely envious of all those people who have just always known what they want to be. They know what they love, they know what they're good at, they have a passion and they've always had a dream. Miss Invisible's one of them. Ever since I met her, 6 years ago, she wanted to be a vet or basically, work with animals. When you're like, 11 or 12, lots of little girls want to be vets and adults don't really expect that to be their dream forever, but Miss Invisible's dream hasn't wavered. Sure, she now wants to work with wild animals like lions and tigers and elephants etc., but she's kept her dream and her passion and I think it's pretty cool.

Since I was younger (once I got over the farming ballerina stage (look, it's not that weird. My grandfather was a farmer, so I guess I was inspired by him or something, and I was a little girl- I wanted to be a pretty ballerina. I was creative- I created my own job. Imaging a ballerina dancing around cows in the country is amusing though...) and grew up a little), I've wanted to be a teacher. I don't exactly know why. I think it's a combination of the fact that my dad was a teacher and I always loved correcting things. Anything. I'd correct anything my brother's wrote and loved it. We had a whiteboard on an easel and I loved playing schools with my brother. I was always the teacher though. I'd love to give them spelling tests and correct them.

I grew up and things changed again. I wanted to be an author at one stage. An interior decorator at one stage. These dreams were always short-lived and everything came back to teaching. It didn't matter then, because I had years to figure it out.

It's gotten worse over the past two or so years. And this year's been the worst of all. The closer I get to graduating and starting university where I am supposed to study something to give me a career I want, the more indecisive I become. I go from wanting to study Psychology but not wanting to be a Psychologist, to wanting to learn Spanish so I can go to Spain, to maybe wanting to be a Psychologist after all, to wanting to be an instrumental teacher, to wanting to study Psychology but not be a Psychologist again, to wanting to study Japanese so I can go to Japan and now, where I am again, wanting to be an instrumental teacher. I've gone through all of those phases many times this year and I am on the edge now.

Heaps of people are all, "I'd want to be a teacher, but I hate the thought of having to spend the rest of my life in school." I understand that, for some people, but not for me. I was talking to this guy from school on the bus once and he told me he kinda wants to be a teacher (which kinda surprised me) and told me that it might be weird, but he loves school. I've thought about that many times and realised I'm the same. Now, this year, I've hated school. Hated it. But there's so much I love about it. I love knowing everything about this place. I love knowing where everything is, who everyone is, where I should go, when I should go there, what I'll be doing once I'm there and who'll be there with me. It's just so comfortable. I just know my place and I like that. I know that's bad and I really need to get out of my comfort zone and I can't always live in a sheltered society where I know everything and uni is going to help me start that, but I still love the comfort.

Ever since I was around 12 years old, people have told me I'd make a good teacher. I don't know why they've told me that. I'm pretty impatient. I yelled at my brothers when I tried to teach them flute because they couldn't get the embouchure right... But, I dunno, they're my brothers, it's different.

Now, you may be thinking, "OK. You've always had this thing for teaching. You love school. People say you'd be good. Well... become a teacher. What the heck's your problem, girl?" You would be justified in thinking that. But... It's the problem of qualifications. I want to teach instruments, if anything. Woodwind. But, I don't want to study music. Studying education would be OK, because the Instrumental Music Teaching Subject looks pretty doable, but the only other relevant elective subject is Classroom Music and I just know I couldn't do it. It's not just a lack of faith in myself and my abilities or anything, I just can't play piano and I can't sing and I can't memorise piano pieces and sing intervals and stuff like that, which is required. I don't have that many musical skills. I could get them, but I don't want to do the things that would involve gaining those skills.

I would like to be a private tuition teacher. I could teach kids how to play the flute and saxophone from a room in my house (once I finally move out, that is...), but that's not a full-time job and I worry that no one would want to be taught by some random in her house. And, although that sounds cool for awhile and doesn't require as many qualifications (All my high school experience looks half-impressive written down, to people who aren't in the music business, so they're likely not to care as much if I don't have a degree), but I'd want to go to a school at some stage. That requires qualifications. Qualifications I won't have.

I just have a great dream of living alone in an old, but not decrepit, two bedroom home in an inner city suburb and having quirky stuff all through my house, having it looked lived-in (not overly clean, but not messy) and a pet cat and shelf of movies and box sets of my favourite TV shows and anime and a book shelf full of books and manga. Every morning I'll get up and drive in my old bomb of a car to the school I work at and I'll teach kids to play the flute and saxophone and maybe, someday, the clarinet too. I'll drive home in the afternoon and be in my quiet, peaceful home. Some nights I'll go out with friends, to a restaurant or coffee shops or shopping or something. On weekends I'll have with friends. Some times I'll go out for coffee with my mum, because she won't want to come to my house too much due to her being allergic to cats. Once a week or fortnight, I'll go to the gym and totes be fit. I'll go for morning walks as well. I'll have movie nights and mexican fiesta nights with friends. I'll be independent and be doing what I want.

That's my dream and I want it so bad. I wish I could graduate from school and go straight to that. I just don't know how I can get to that.

I wish someone could just come up to me say, "You're going to do *insert career here* and you're going to be good at it and love it and this is how you're going to get there- *insert uni course here* and that is actually doable." I need that. Bad.

Plane Food Is Ass

I don't know what I'm going to write here, but I just felt the need to write something. Anything.

Anyway, the title of this post comes from the episode of How I Met Your Mother, Last Words, where Marshall and the gang are at his father's funeral where the theme is "last words." Marshall realises his father's last words to him were, "plane food is ass," before remembering it was actually an "odd racist" comment about Koreans, before realising it was actually, "Rent Crocodile Dundee 3, it totally stacks up." This episode is one great episode and man, I have to applaud Jason Segel on his acting in that scene in the snow where he is yelling at God, before hearing his dad's actual final words in the form of a voice message. Beautiful stuff.

Anyway, I never thought I'd like this show, let alone love it, let alone use it constantly to cheer me up nearly everyday. It's strange but whenever I'm in a cruddy mood or just feeling bored (at least one of those feelings comes basically everyday), I'll just put on some HIMYM and feel almost instantly happier. I don't know what it is, actually, about it. I guess I kinda like the group and wish I could be like them when I'm that kind of age. You know, a really fun group of friends who genuinely care about each other, amongst all the joking. I don't want to be exactly like them, but I hope I'll have a group of friends like that when I'm in the "working world."

I also wouldn't mind turning out a bit like Robin. Independent. I admire her independence. I also wish I had a best friend like Marshall, but let's not go into my never-ending love for that character.

So, I am supposed to be doing a "skeleton draft" for my last English assignment ever right now. I just don't know what to do. This assignment sucks, man. We had a "choice" between doing a written or oral assignment based on if our grades were lower for written or oral. My grades were basically exactly the same (I'm a straight A- student...) for both, so my teacher decided to make me do oral. This terrifies me. So, so, so much. You have no clue how freaked out I've been over this.

I've also found myself becoming even more, even though I wouldn't have thought this possible, emotionally attached to fictional characters and ships between fictional characters. I genuinely think I'm compensating for something that I feel is lacking in my own life. Whether I wish I were like these characters or I wish I knew people like them. I just don't know why I find myself loving fictional characters so much that I can actually feel it in my body.

I re-watched the last two episodes of Kaichou wa Maid-Sama! this weekend. That was totally smart of me... I don't remember exactly what it was, but I think I read a short review of the manga on Wikipedia that something negative towards Usui. For some reason, this made me read the TVTropes page and read about him and feel so, so, so compelled to read the manga just so I could read more about him. I wanted to cry and hug him and read about him and learn everything about him. And, not just cause he's possible the hottest anime character I know of.

What else has been going on in my life? I had my grade 7 flute exam on Thursday. I am not quite sure how it went and I keep trying not to think about it, because my thoughts are not very positive.

I had my two last competitions for band and we got a silver for both. It's when I really love band- when we are performing and competing. That's when you realise how much of a team it is. Everyone relies on each other and we all share the successes or failures together. I will genuinely miss band.

I'm building a bridge in Physics with a group of my friends. It's not going too well, but whatever. As long as the assignment that I write on it is good, it doesn't matter if the bridge fails or not.

I have four weeks left of school. I would tell you how that makes me feel, but I don't think I can explain it and I don't think I want to, seeing as though, for some reason, I have butterflies in my stomach, am feeling really weird and emotional and am listening to Adele and Someone Like You just came on. I cannot relate to any of her music, but it always makes me feel emotional anyway.

"Never mind, I'll find someone like you..."

"I won't let you close enough to hurt me. No, I won't rescue you to just desert me. I can't give you the heart you think you gave me. It's time to say goodbye to turning tables." I don't know if those lyrics are totes correct, but whatever. Good song.

I've grown my nails pretty long in the past two weeks or so, so I've really gotten in the habit of tapping them on the desk or the laptop. I've been doing it tonight but it's started to hurt... Huh.

I've given up on my Photos of the Week. I just can't do it. I have so many other things on my mind everyday that I don't even think about the photo until Friday night/Saturday night or Sunday nights. I then spend Sundays trying to find something to take a photo of that slightly resembled my week. I forget and finally get ready to upload something two weeks later, only to find that my computer is being a bully and won't let me upload it. I don't like it becoming this extra stress that is just being done because it "has to be done," that's not what it was for. So yeah. I admit defeat.

Tumblr's stuffing up on me now. Guess it's a sign to get off.

Anyway, guess I should get off here now. I mean, the Adele CD just finished. Another sign. Bye y'all and remember- plane food is ass.

Yeah. Uh. Meh. Eh. Totes. Yeah. Ya Mum.

^ That is how I responded to my brothers when asked how school was. They found this amusing and tried to tell me that it wasn't an appropriate answer because it didn't make sense. Pfft, whatever.

Anyone ready for a pointless point? I sure am. I felt the random urge to write one of my posts in which I share random, pointless things that are happening and going through my mind with all of you bloggers out there. This urge occurred to me while I was reading through my Music assignment. My assignment is boring me. That is not a good sign...

Doo-wop is such a funny name for a musical genre. I mean, yes, the name does really fit with the genre itself, but it's just one of those names that will never cease to make people laugh. It's hard to take it seriously. Like Wii. I mean, come on, whose bright idea was it to name a gaming console that? My family, mainly my immature father, still makes jokes. Can you blame him, though? It's called a Wii for goodness sake. Yes, it is awesome and fun, but it does not have a good name. Just sayin'.

So, in my assignment, I was talking about how this piece kind of fits into the genre of easy listening music. I then say, "it does not entirely fit into the genre of classical music." Classical music? What? I never once mentioned classical music. And why would I? Neither of the versions of this song are classical? I knew there was a reason I was proof-reading this.

Zez? Some guy's name was Zez? Really?

Actually, that's kinda cool...

WHY IS WIKIPEDIA THE ONLY SITE THAT IS HELPING ME WITH THIS ASSIGNMENT? I CAN'T REFERENCE THAT! ALL THE OTHER INFO HAS COME FROM MY HEAD! GAH.

What the hell internet? Really? No reputable sources for me? At all?

I could use an encyclopaedia or something. Yeah. Sure. I'll reference that. That's reputable and whatnot.

I am really bad with synonyms. I re-use the same word SO many times in assignments and exams. Serious. In one of my last English assignments, I said the word "chaos" a LOT, in this music assignment I am saying "light-hearted" and "intimate" a lot. That, my friends, is why Thesaurus.com has become one of my closest friends. Yes, I did capitalise the name of a website. That is because we are so well-acquainted and I have gained a new respect for Thesaurus.com, so it deserves a capital letter, as we all do.

Really, Thesaurus.com? Bosom? Buddy-buddy? I am not using those in my assignment. "This use of the acoustic piano adds to the bosom, buddy-buddy affect of this cover." No.

Inbred? Guess I'll stick with 'intimate'. It's OK, Thesaurus.com, we are still friends. Even though you failed me.

1074 words. I'm cool with that. Now to find some slightly reliable sources to make up a fake reference list.

Wait. I never have Music on Thursdays? Huh. You learn something new everyday. You'd think by week 9, Term 3, I'd know my timetable off-by-heart. But, this is the first year when I don't. I don't know why. Weird stuff.

Someone must be on the phone. The internet connection nearly dropped out. Why does it do this? WE DON'T HAVE DIAL-UP, DANGIT.

Oh. My. Gosh. Just put my hand on my knee and I swear it felt like something was just moving, squirming or swimming around under my skin. Kinda cool. I was just sitting here, with my hand on my knee and my face all O_O. Man, I have some serious issues.

I just played a couple of games of Wii tennis and a game of Wii bowling with my bros, as a study break. Man, I become competitive as when playing video games. I am not even that competitive usually. Seriously. Once I played Halo with my youngest brother and, well, basically, I sucked. Uber sucked. I couldn't control properly and whenever someone turned up, I'd shoot like a mad woman, but I'd miss. He kept killing me and I kept.. well, sucking. So, I started hitting him with a cushion yelling, "LET ME KILL YOU!" It was quite funny. Even he thought so. It's now known as The Halo Incident. Today, I lost of both tennis games, but didn't really care. I was a bit of a sore winner with the bowling, but they didn't care. Whenever I'd get a really good score, I'd be all, "OH! EAT THAT! MM!" and do this weird dance, butt-shaking thing.

Oh no. Here comes the part of the sickness where the eyes water randomly and uncontrollably while the nose is tingly and irritated.

DINNER TIME.

I really like couscous. I mean, I love rice. And, well, it's like mini-rice.

Why do I suddenly have an Adele song in my head? Random!

Anyway, tomorrow I have my "last" exam for this term. It's not actually my last because I have to do my Maths exam on Thursday. It was actually yesterday, but I was home sick. And that was fun. I'm serious. Lying on the couch watching TV and catching up on some much needed Doctor Who was really good. I wish I was able to skip the next few days. Anyway, I was going to go home after my exam tomorrow and celebrate/do SOME Maths revision, but now I've realised I should probably stay and try and finish off my Music Composition assignment that's due on Monday, seeing as though I've barely started it and last term, I got a C-, bringing my overall mark down to a B. I am trying to make this composition at LEAST B-. I would actually be SO happy with a B-. I swear, if I get an A- on my performing and analysing assignments and a B- on my composition, I will be a happy girl.

"Don't you remember-er-er-er-er-er-er-er-er-er?"

OK. 2 minutes until I said to myself, internally of course, that I would go and get my father's assistance with Physics.

I really wish I didn't have to do Maths on Thursday. I want my exams to be over after Physics tomorrow. I want to be able to come home and chill and be happy and waste an hour or two watching the Korean drama I started on Friday and am addicted to already, despite only seeing one episode. I fell in love with the main character. It was weird. She is some goofy, somewhat pathetic (well, that's how others see her), loner chick who is unlucky with love, but she actually opened my eyes a little and showed me what I want my life to be like. Weird, but yeah, now I have a dream. My dream involves skipping the next four or so years, because I have no CLUE how I'm going to get there, but it's OK. Seeing as though it's now 2 minutes AFTER my designated time for Physics help, I will not describe my dream here. I will do that... some other time. PHYSICS TIME.

Alright. One hour revision with my dad and I am understanding stuff. Whoop. I finally get the right hand grip rule and palm rule. YES!

Thanks to my flu, my voice has gone weak and squeaky. It's kind of amusing, but it'll be annoying at school...

I don't think I have anything else to say and I really want to change the look of this blog, so bye y'all.

This Post Has No Overarching Theme, So You Can Come Up With A Suitable Title Yourself.

So, I just finished the biggest, most important test of my schooling life today. It doesn't even feel like I did it. It felt like a practice test. Oh well, I don't really want to talk about that. I have a feeling I'll get depressed and I don't know why. I can just feel my mood deflating. My mood is a balloon and it was all full today, but at around 2pm-ish, several questions on this exam and my own dumb issues untied the balloon and it's been deflating ever since. Wow. Dumb metaphor much?

I'm hungry, but I really don't want to eat.

I think this fan is making my eyes watery. Either that or my hormones are playing games with me and I'm actually about to cry for no reason... Wouldn't be the first time.

GAH I'M HUNGRY. I suddenly feel like Nando's. Huh. Great. There is a VERY VERY VERY small chance I'll be getting Nando's tonight.

My brother's too sick to go out so we can't have Nando's. Fudgeballs.

My balloon has fully deflated. My mood is now a popped balloon lying on the floor. MUST. STOP. WITH. THE. BAD. METAPHOR. ABOUT. BALLOONS. Anyway, I'm going to watch some anime in an attempt to reflate my balloon.

Well, that kinda inflated my mood. I guess.

Still hungry. Ugh.

I made guacamole and ate that with crackers. Yum. But I'm still hungry.

I'm always too scared to submit confessions to all the various Tumblr confession blogs... so I'm currently posting my own unpopular opinion. Who is ever too scared to post an anonymous confession? I make no sense, guys.

I seriously have NOTHING to post here. I don't feel like pouring my heart and soul out because it will most likely end in some sort of unpleasantry, so I think I'll wrap this totally pointless post up now. Maybe I should end this with a picture of some sort? OR GIFS.

HEY! I just realised that they are all gifs from three of my favourite shows, like, ever. N'aww. How serendipitous. Not really, I just wanted to use that word.

If It Makes An Arc, It Will Create A Spark... Or Something Like That

So, I'm home early today. Woo! Went to get a blood test during lunch and got home at the start of 5th Lesson. Yes, I have indeed wasted 36 minutes on Tumblr, but I have a theory. If I scroll through pages and pages and pages on Tumblr NOW, then I won't spend as long (because I will be on it again, I know) later on. Which better work, because I have so much to do this afternoon. Let me outline it for you:


1. English Extension Research Proposal- I don't even. It's long and complicated and annoying and I don't get it, but I will do it. Even if it is wrong or not of Year 12 English Extension standard, I will finish this stupid thing!


2. Saxophone Practice- I have my grade 5 exam tomorrow morning. I need to practice. Pretty bad. I mean, I've been SO chill about this exam, and now I'm starting to realise the problems with that. This morning, a couple of my scales weren't great. One of my pieces still isn't quite right. My aural SHOULD be OK, but I'm worried about it. My sight reading is good, but it was good last year (for my Grade 3 exam) and I stuffed it up. Asdfghjkl. I want to do really well, but I'm too relaxed. Tomorrow morning, of course, I'll FREAK OUT.


3. English homework- It shouldn't take too long, but I don't want to do it. I don't like English. I do, but I don't. I went from not liking it because I had sucky teachers and could get an A in my sleep, to being scared of it because of my new scary teacher, to loving it because that teacher was dang good, to being scared of it again, despite the good teacher. I think I will talk to him sometime tomorrow about my issues with English... But I have to leave English after 30 minutes to go to my sax exam...


4. Maths revision- I have a Maths exam in two weeks. Less than that, actually. My teacher gave us heaps of questions to do as revision today and I need to work through them, because this test will decided if I'm top of the class, or second, third or fourth.


5. Physics revision- I have a Physics exam in the same week as the Maths one. And English one. I need to revise for that too. I doubt I'll get it done this afternoon though.


THANK THE LORD I HAVE A SPARE TOMORROW! Nothing better happen to that spare. I NEED that spare. I can do revision for Maths and/or Physics and read my ExtEng book.


Well, now that this post has made me stress and has risen my heartbeat a bit, I'm going to move on to what I planned to post about- this shall be one of my Random-Post-Whatever-Is-Happening-And-Stuff Posts. Enjoy.


Sitting her home alone during the day doing ExtEng makes me feel like it's the holidays. Yes, I've had to do ExtEng in the holidays... *shudder* But... feeling like the holidays makes me think of how I watched all of Toradora and most of Durarara and finished Ano Hana last holidays... I want to watch anime now, 
dang it.


I can't use bobby pins properly, guys... The joys of having Short-But-Not-Really-Short-But-Not-Long-Cause-It's-Not-Even-Shoulder-Length-Yet-But-Too-Long-To-Be-Considered-Properly-Short Hair. My hair and I do not have a healthy relationship. It is mean to me, I hate it and am abusive (Well, I am all, "ARGH I HATE MY HAIR!!") at it... It continues to defy me and I continue to be angered. If my hair were a person, we would not be friends, but we would have to go to some sort of relationship counselling, because we have to spend so much time together and I have emotional issues and reliance issues related to my hair. Oh dear. I think I am loosing my mind.


The holiday feeling now makes me want to watch Total Drama. Ah, damn.


No! You must read about Christine Delphy and materialist feminism and marxism and The House of Mirth! No anime or hilarious cartoon show for you!


Guys, I'm totes wearing my formal shoes right now. I need to practice walking in them because they are the very first pair of proper heels I've ever worn. For a girl who likes to wear jeans and t-shirts (ranging from really nice tops, to guys t-shirts with video game characters on them) and Volleys or boots, my formal is a big step (Step. LOL. See what I did there?). I mean, getting my hair done, my nails done, high heels, a dress (albeit short and black, totes my style) and MAKE-UP. MAKE-UP. I don't wear it. I hate it. It makes me feel sick. Just the smell of it makes me feel sick.


My brother just got home from school and I rambled my head off to him like an idiot. I guess being home alone for an hour makes you need to interact... Well, not usually... Maybe I'm going crazy. I mean, today I have been in a better mood than everyday this week combined and doubled. I swear, I was feeling good for most of today and I have no clue why. Especially since I have spent this week in an emotional slump and had been dreading/fearing turning up to school today. I am so confused. My mind makes no sense. What is this I don't even.


Eugh. That apple juice has made me feel sick. Why did I drink it? I don't even like apple juice? Oooh! I want a milo now!


I have my milo now. Milo is wonderful. I don't even know what malted barley is, but it sure tastes good. Even when it's in milk (I hate milk)... It tastes like, beautiful mixed in with vanilla ice cream. Oh my gosh. I feel like I'm getting fat just typing this...


I keep spilling my milo...


BACK TO CHRISTINE DELPHY AND MATERIALIST FEMINISM


"Materialist Feminism is a form of literary criticism that takes the ideologies expressed in Marxist theory and explains the way that they oppress women."  Yeah. I just wrote that. I totes explained Materialist Feminism in a sentence that gives the impression that I vaguely know what I am talking about. I am happy with that. Well, not totally. It feels like it needs something on the end of that sentence. Hm. 


So.... I just read this whole Tumblr blog of quotes from The Princess Diaries book series. That was not a waste of ten minutes... It made me nostalgic and it made me laugh and possibly re-fall-in-love with the character of Michael and make me seriously want to read all ten books again. Ah dang. I don't have the time to read ten books... I'm sad now. BACK TO EXTENG.


"This theory discusses the way that money and materials become important through the economic and class structures demonstrated in Marxist theory and how this increases the already existent oppression of women in society." Does that make sense? I think so... It's just kinda long. Oh well. 


I've had enough ExtEng for now. What next? Maths I think. I'm not in the mood for sax and English is being left for like, 8:30. When I'm done watching The Farmer Wants A Wife. Seriously, I love that show. A lot. 


According to my calculations, I have to do 4.2 Maths revision questions everyday until my exam, except the two days next week that contain the most important test of my schooling life, if I want to get them all done. Hm. Better start. 


OK. Done with Maths for today. Yay. Now... Saxophone. And flute. Means I have to turn off my Relient K... I'm sad... 


Well, bye y'all. 

The Glee Project, Birthday Wishes and Things Like Mood Rings.

Man. I am so clever. Just listened to a song called "Chap Stick, Chapped Lips and Things Like Chemistry" from my new Relient K CD that I got for my birthday. WOO BIRTHDAYS.

This post will take a long time to write/post because I am doing work. But blogging makes me happy. Unless I do depressing posts. That makes me depressed. Not that it matters because you guys aren't sitting around waiting for me to blog, but whatever.

I have an English exam tomorrow. FML. I am not going to do as well as I should. It's split into three 50 minute sessions, which is SO dumb because it's only 800-1000 words. Apparently the first session is for planning, the second is for writing, the third for editing. Who plans for 50 minutes? Except... Maybe I can calm down now, because I can spend 50 minutes planning tomorrow... Hm.

My window's open and my room's right at the front of the house. I heard a voice and though it was my brother so I ignored it. I heard someone saying, "Heellloooo," soon after. I very nearly said, "Shut up!" Or just, "BE QUIET!" I thought it was one of my brothers. It was some door-to-door salesman. That would have been awkward.

Wait, did he tell my mum he was from Pantene? Doubt it.

Why are all of my pencils broken?

Oh wait. I actually do have a sharpener. Like right here next to me.

STOMACH TURBULENCE.

My parents gave me a recording of The Planets Suite by Holst, performed by the London Symphony Orchestra this morning. As well as the Relient K CD. I swear, if anyone looked through my iTunes library they would most likely say, "What the heck?"

"And I'm only gonna pierce my left ear. And I've been working on this moustache all summer long. And my favourite band will always be Tears For Fears. And I'm gonna wear a pink tux to the prom." Love this song.

COLLEGE KIDS. I LOVE THIS SONG. "Oh, not for me, not for me. Call it torture, call it university." "Arts and crafts is all I need. I'll take calligraphy and make a fake degree." For someone who really wants to go to university and has never considered not going, it's weird how much I love this song. It's funny, OK?

Anywho, I had a cool as birthday today. Yes, I had to go to school, but it was good. I mean, I woke up, got ready for schoolio, ate croissants, bacon and eggs, opened presents, went to school and got many birthday wishes. I brought lollies to celebrate and it turns out Gojo brought lollies too. It also turns out that Phantomess went to the trouble of making 17 little cupcakes and decorating them with icing and those little metallic edible balls. We put these all in the middle of our circle of friends at morning tea and, though we started off slowly, we devoured it all. Seriously. I felt kind sick and at least a kilo fatter, but it was so worth it. It was a lot of fun and I love my friends :)

Yes, I did just Google "evil guy names." I decided that was better than "evil dude names." Well, that Google search didn't really help. I guess my evil guy will continue to be Dr. ____.

I think blogging and facebook distracted me from sharpening my pencil...

Oh my gosh. This song, "Hoopes I Did It Again" is funny as. Made me laugh and choke. Painful humour, indeed.

Anyway, I got like, 30-something facebook birthday wishes today. At least 5 from people I practically NEVER talk to. I sat there writing "Thanks :)" and variants of that MANY times. I could have just liked some people's posts, but I would have felt bad. I'm that weird.

So, one of these Relient K songs is called "Mood Rings." It is an amazingly funny song. I love it. Too much. LYRICS:
We all know the girls that I am talking about
Well they are time bombs and they are ticking
And the only question's when they'll blow up
And they'll blow up;
We know that without a doubt cause they're those girls, yeah you know those girls that let their emotions get the best of themAnd I've contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man
Let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
So we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off
Cause we'll know just what they're thinking
Just what their thinking
She's so pretty but she doesn't always act that way
Her moods out swinging on the swing set almost everyday
She said to me that she's so happy it's depressing
And all I said was someone get that girl a mood ring!
If it's drama you want then look no further
They're like the real world, meets boy meets world, meets days of our lives and it just kills me how they get away with murder they'll anger you,
Then bat their eyes; those pretty eyes that watch you sympathize Go!
And I've contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man
Let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
So we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off cause we'll know just what they're thinking just what their thinking she's so pretty but she doesn't always act that way her moods out swinging on the swing set almost everyday she said to me that she's so stressed out that it's soothing and all I said was someone get that girl a mood ring
Cause when it's black means watch your back because you're probably the last person in the world right now she wants to see and when it's blue it means you should call her up immediately and ask her out because she'll most likely agree and when it's green it simply means that she is really stressed and when it's clear is means she is completely emotionless
(And that's alright I must confess)
We all know the girls that I am talking about, she liked you Wednesday but now it's Friday and she has to wash her hair and it just figures that we'll never figure them out. Well first she's jekyl and then she's hyde... at least she makes a lovely pair
Mood ring, oh mood ring, oh tell me will you bring the key to unlock this mystery
Of girls and their emotions, play it back in slow motion so I may understand the complex infrastructure known as the female mind



I apologise for any bad grammar. I just copied-and-pasted it... 
I swear he is singing about me, dudes. MY MOODS- Y U NO BE STABLE? OMG I SHOULD MAKE THAT MEME!!!! IDEA!!! LIGHT BULB MOMENT!!!


Anywho. Nath_alex01 gave me the homework to write about the contestants in The Glee Project and my opinions on them all. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED: (Is it sad that all these facebook birthday wishes are actually starting to annoy me a bit?)


Hannah: I have to admit, her voice was not the best of them all and it was a little weak. However, she was so kind and funny and bubbly and just generally happy. She would immediately make me smile, no matter what she did and she would have made a really good character on Glee.


Cameron: I really liked Cameron, despite the opinions of some of my friends. I liked him from the start and really liked his unique voice. I really respected the decisions he made, standing up for his beliefs. Some people may hate him because he couldn't kiss a girl without crying. I did not hate him for this. I thought that the way he stood up for his beliefs throughout the whole series was actually really brave. Braver, I think, than just kissing other girls, because he got ridiculed or put down for standing up for his beliefs. I respected it and his decision to leave, despite the emotional rollercoaster I went through when that happened.


Damian: Originally, I liked him solely for his awesome, and.. attractive, Irish accent, but I found that I really liked his voice and his personality. He is nice and funny and has a good voice. I cannot, however, imagine him being on Glee as he does not seem to be enough of an underdog, despite how much I love him.


Ellis: Friends of mine also hated her, but whatever. I really liked her, from the moment she made the joke about her appearance and age. I found that relatable and I found her sarcastic, snarky sense of humour funny. Yes, she had a negative attitude and quite a few issues, but I found he really relatable. Her voice wasn't one of the best and, because of this, I don't think she should have gone much further in the series, despite how much I liked her.


Emily: First episode, I though she was going to be kinda mean, but I ended up really liking her. She was so funny and very talented but also not much of an underdog.


Marissa: I did really like her. She had a great voice and was a pretty good actress. She seemed nice, but she didn't really seem to get a lot of time to show who she really was, so I didn't really get an impression of her personality. Despite her indisputable talent, I couldn't see her being on Glee either.


McKynleigh: She was very talented and she seemed like a really nice girl, but somewhat shy. She came off quite boring as she didn't do a great job of showing off her personality and I felt really sorry for her, actually, but I don't think she would have been good for Glee.


Lindsay: She is VERY talented. She has a great voice and is a good actress. I do not, however, like her personality. I think she is quite fake and very self-centered. I also don't think she would be a great character on Glee, as she is too confident and mainstream, for lack of a better word, and isn't an underdog.


Samuel: Eh. I was indifferent towards him, then I liked him, now I don't. He has a good voice and is a decent actor, but he seems to only be able to act 'intense'. There is nothing about him I particularly dislike, or like, and that bugs me.


Matheus: I didn't like him much. He had a good voice and was alright at acting, but there was something about him I didn't like. I'm not quite sure what it was, but I am glad he went home, even though he could have made an alright character on Glee.


Bryce: Well, first character off makes him hard to judge. I didn't like him much, but I didn't really dislike him. I thought his voice was weak, but I felt kinda sorry for him, being kicked off for an "attitude problem" that I didn't really think he had.


Alex: Yes, he is extremely talented and a decent actor, but he annoys me. I find his personality annoying. He is quite stuck up and he knows he is good and has no issues sharing that with everyone. He has moments when he is obviously stuck up and other moments when he's quite dealable. I have to say though, in my personal opinion, he has looked more awkward than the other guys when they have to do guy + guy duets, which I find interesting. Anyway, he is the only one of the final four that I can imagine being on Glee as he is an underdog, but I have always thought that he is the complete mixture of the characters of Mercedes and Kurt and, therefore, wouldn't bring anything very original to the show. 


There we go, my opinions on the TGP characters, in some sort of order. 


I should end my post here, I guess to go do English and flute practice. Wish me luck!  

MY MEME, GUYS! I 'M TOO EXCITED BY THIS!

Dear Me,

On Monday, in my RAVE (Religion and Values Education) class, my teacher got us to think about primary school and memories from each year at high school, as we are graduating super soon. He then got us to write advice to our past selves and students from younger grades at our school. It made me want to write a letter to my former self, before I start high school. Yes, this could be sappy and emotional and maybe depressing, but it will hopefully kind of take my mind off other things that I am restraining myself from blogging about...

Dear Former Me,
So, you're starting high school now. It's not as scary as you are thinking. It's also scarier than you are thinking. So many things are going to change for you, so get ready. Right now, you hang out with one friend. That's going to change, but it's OK. Right now, you're 12 years old and you've got to spend another 5 years here. There are a lot of new kids in your class this year. So many new faces. You know those two boys you saw in your form class? They always stood next to each other and your first impression of them was, "They're weird!" Don't judge them too harshly. They will become two of the most important and influential people in your life over the next 5 years. One of them will become one of your best friends in the world. I'm not even kidding. You see those two girls near the front? One of them you've met before. You and you current best friend decided you didn't want to hang with her, because you liked hanging as a pair. She will become very important to you. You will become very close over the next 3 or so years. Yes, you will drift apart, you'll both change and you will miss her so much, but she will make a big impact on you. The girl next to her? The one you thought was a year younger than you? The one you had seen a few times last year and thought was really weird? Yes, she is really weird, but she will become one of the best people you've ever met and one of the most important people in your life and you will need her so much in these next 5 years. The girl you've known for 2 years and been on and off friends with? Yes, that will continue this year, but you'll get closer and you'll love her so much and wish you'd never had issues with her in primary school. Now, the girl you're with right now? Your best friend? Many, many things will happen with her. Many things you will regret. Many things you will wish you could change. So many things will change with her, but she will end up being another one of your closest friends and it'll seem like none of that ever happened. That skinny boy you sometimes hung out with in primary school? Another one of your best friends ever. You'll love him.

School. You think it's kinda hard and stressful now? Get used to it. It gets worse. Every year. But don't worry, you can do it. You'll be fine. You'll get different teachers, better teachers, teachers who care and will help you. You'll end up LOVING English. I know it terrifies you right now, but you'll love it in a couple of years, once you get through the horrors of Year 8 and 9 English. Yeah, the teachers for those years will suck and make you hate the subject, but hang in there. It'll get better, but SO much harder. Maths? You'll get worse. Maybe you'll care less or you'll focus on things you love more. Year 8 and 9 will be fine, but you'll drop from there. It's OK, it's not important enough to worry about. Science? Wow, that'll change. You love it now. You love your science teacher and science in general. In the next 3 years you will continue to love it. You'll get As. You'll be one of the teacher's favourite. Biology/Science will be one of your best subjects. In Year 11, it'll bore you, the teacher will bug you, and you'll lose all love. You'll find a new love- Physics. I know that you will never imagine yourself doing it now, but you'll like it and you'll do pretty well at it. In senior school, it'll be one of your favourite subjects. In Year 11, you will go through serious emotional turmoil choosing whether to do Physics or Biology in Year 12. I tell you now- CHOOSE PHYSICS. Don't worry about the fact that your friends all do Biology. Don't worry about the fact that you get As in Bio and Bs/Cs in Physics. It doesn't matter. You will like Physics so much. You will find it the only subject you don't dread going to for all of Year 12. It will be hard, but you will feel so proud of yourself when you do well. SO PROUD. Chinese? Yeah, you'll continue doing it till Year 11. The class will be tiny and you'll get a new teacher. At first, you'll be sad, and you'll find the new teacher annoying, but you'll learn to like her. She will be a good teacher and you will learn a lot. Try harder in Year 11. Don't complain about it, you'll miss it and all the fun times SO much in Year 12. Treasure that subject.

The flute. You play it now, but you don't love it and you're not serious. Don't worry, it'll get so much better. You know how you're too scared to join the band now? That'll change too. Just wait a year. Next year, you'll be forced to join a band. I know that's scary and, next year, you'll seriously consider quitting flute because of this. DON'T DO IT. The flute, and instrumental in general, will become one of the biggest aspects of your life in high school. You'll get a new teacher next year. She will scare you and annoy you and make you wish you had your old teacher, all in the next lesson. Don't write her off just yet. She, again, will become one of the most influential people in your high school life. She'll make you love flute. And band. Seriously, you'll LOVE band. You'll section leader of the flutes. You'll also play tenor saxophone. I know that, now, you don't even know what that is, but you'll play it and like it and pretty good at it. You'll do exams (the ones you were too terrified to do before), you'll play in concerts in band and duets and solos, you'll play in Eisteddfods in band and solo and do really well. Yes, in a few years, you'll find the pressure so much that you'll begin hating your instruments. You will dread your lessons and have so much fear, but hang in there. It IS worth it. It gets better and you'll be so glad you stayed with it. In over 4 years, when you are in Year 12, you will be preparing for your Grade 5 Tenor Saxophone exam in a few weeks. You'll also be preparing for your GRADE 7 flute exam in October. That should be enough to help you stick with it.

You won't believe me now, but in Year 12, when you are 60 days from graduating high school for ever, you will be a lover of musical theatre, anime, Japanese and European music and you'll be planning to study Psychology at university next year.

Your friends will change. You will drift from the red-head girl in your form class, who you know from youth group. You will drift from your current best friend, and next year, you will not imagine ever being friends with her again, but you will. It's OK. Everything will be OK and you two will be closer than ever soon enough. That weird girl, the skinny boy and the two new weird boys will be so important. One of those weird boys will cause you SO many issues over the years. This year and the next two or so years, you will have so many problems with him. You will dislike him and you'll think he genuinely hates you. Try not to worry about what he thinks. It will get better, I can promise. You'll be friends. You will have a weird friendship and it won't be like your other friendships, but you'll find it just as important as any of them. Don't worry about what he thinks of you, though. Don't try and change yourself because he doesn't act like he likes you. Don't always take what he says to heart. This stuff will seem trivial in Year 12. There's a girl in the other Year 8 form class. You don't know who she is and you won't until next year. She will be in your form class and you will occasionally talk to her. You'll think she's nice and cool, but you won't be close. Yet. In Year 10, she will randomly come and sit with you and your friends. This will be a really, really good thing. She will have a big impact on you. She will change you, in a good way and become one of your closest friends, you just don't have a clue who she is yet and that's OK. Try not to fight too much with any of your friends You may all have differences and get on each others nerves, but you will need them in these next 5 years.

Now, there are some people in your grade who you'll never get along with. They are different from you and they might not like you. They will judge you because your small, quiet and 'nerdy'. Embrace that. Yes, you are shy now. You will get more confident. Now, you are too scared to talk to your teachers. You will have proper conversations with so many of your teachers in senior school. But back to those students. Don't let them get to you. Don't stoop to their level. Try not to take anything to heart and try to deal with it all maturely. Yes, they will make some times of the next 2 or so years Hell, but it's get so much better. They'll leave the school and everything gets better from then, I promise. Next year will be awful in this way, but they WILL leave and this WILL end. This is when you'll need that weird girl in your form class the most. The two of you will go through a lot but you will get through it and have a much stronger friendship after it.

Another friend you aren't close with now. She left this school in Year 5 or 6 and you don't really talk to her anymore. You sent a couple of letters after she moved school but you've drifted apart. Well, the red-head girl is going to move schools and become friends with her. You'll get back in contact and become so close. You won't get to see each other much and will rely on emails a lot, but you'll still be really close in Year 12. Don't ever overlook her.

Your family life will change so much in about 2 years. You will feel so many mixed feelings. You will wish you felt differently and you'll wish you reacted differently. I cannot think of much advice to give you. Basically, it's probably best not to pick sides, but just to be nice to both of your parents. Don't get annoyed when your brothers don't understand as much as you. Be there for them. Be nicer to your parents when your older. Learn to bite your tongue. Be a better sister. Your brothers are annoying but you need to control your temper and be better to your whole family. You'll start appreciating them soon. Don't be harsh on your brother just because he's different to you and you have more experience. Try and give him advice based on your experiences, don't get mad at him.

You will like a couple of boys in your high school years. I tell you, move on. Don't get caught up in it all. Don't make it more important than it is, because there will be so many more important things to come, and they won't be important to you at all.

You'll always hate PE. ALWAYS. But, sometimes it'll be fun. When the teachers let you play with your friends, you'll run around, you'll try and you'll have fun. Sometimes, it'll suck so much you'll want to cry, but sometimes it'll be so fun, that you'll be laughing until you cry. But don't worry, you'll find a god way to skip a lot of lessons :P

Now for some general things. Remember: High school isn't all there is. Don't get too caught up in everything. Don't underestimate how quickly it goes. Before you know it, you'll be in your third term of Year 12, and having to seriously think about your future. Don't underestimate yourself. If there's something you want, go for it. Don't be consumed with your fear. Don't change yourself for anyone. Don't act in a certain way, because your friends are. If you don't want to do something, don't let yourself be forced into it. Stand up for your beliefs. Don't drift from your religion- it'll be so important to you soon. Realise that you can have your own opinions and beliefs. You don't have to agree with everything your parents have ever taught you. You'll find that you think pretty differently to them. IT'S OK TO THINK DIFFERENTLY TO YOUR FRIENDS. You don't all have to be the same. Most importantly, be yourself. Who you are will change and that's OK, but make sure you always like who are changing into. If you are unhappy with what you're doing, how you're acting or who you're becoming CHANGE IT. When things are looking bad and like everything in life sucks- realise that it will get better and you will be fine.

From,
Your Future Self

Wow. That made me emotional. Seriously, I started crying a few times. Soon, I'll write one for my future self.

A Woman Of My Word.

I made a pact with peoples today, mainly White Ribbon, saying I would blog.

This is ruining my wonderful study session I had going.

I was on a roll and doing heaps of my Maths Assignment.

Fffs-

Stupid memory.

Why would my mind say, "Hey! You've gotta blog tonight! You promised!"

I can't think of a good opening sentence for this story I'm doing for English. I wrote it today but it sucked.

I have a plan for a blog post. I am going to write a letter to my past self and, soon after, I will write a letter to my future self. Inspired by a RAVE (Religion and Values Education..) class. I would do it now but it would seriously distract and most likely depress me. I NEED TO WORK.

Turns out I have an issue with writing in one tense. I always switch between all three tenses without realising. WHY?

I love the fact that my story for English has the words "impending doom" in it. Only thing I like about my story so far. And "tentatively". That's a cool word, indeed.

Spellcheck is kinda annoying. I mean, it keeps telling me to change words and the words it suggests don't make sense!

Ever felt the random urge to use the word 'profusely' in a story? No? Just me? OK...

This story is lame. I am tired. I typed up what I'd written in class and wrote up to step 15 of dang Propp's Morphology which was my goal for tonight.

I have to write myself lists and checklists a lot now. It works for me. It reminds me of the homework and other things I HAVE to do that afternoon. Lately, I'm getting into the habit of writing checklists even if I don't have homework due the next day. I am writing things like, "Do question 2 and 3 of Maths Assignment," even though the assignment's not due till next week. The overwhelming workload I've got write now is showing me that I need to do things in advance and plan. These checklists are working for me so far, so I'm going to stick with them.

I also think I'm going to have to write myself a weekly study timetable and timetable work for assignments, homework, instrumental practice and things like anime time to keep me slightly mentally sane.

LOLJKS even a little bit of anime won't keep me sane. Seriously, I think I am going crazy.

Anyway, off for a shower.

Back from the shower guys!

I don't have much to blog about right now because I need to keep to the schedule I gave myself...

I need to do 20-30ish minutes of flute practice, practicing band pieces for tomorrow morning. Then, I need to read some of my English Extension book, The House Of Mirth. If I have done all of this by 8:45 at the latest, I can watch the latest episode of The Glee Project. This won't be a problem since it's 7:45 and I won't read my book for too long because I have a spare tomorrow morning.

Goodbye fellow bloggers. I shall now post my late Photo of the Week and later this week, I shall post a letter to myself..

You Are A Filthy Computer Who Likes To Punch Lanterns

So, today was kinda lame. And, no, that does not mean it couldn't walk...

I mean, the first half of it was alright. I guess. Well, music was boring as always, English was kinda sucky because our teacher got PMSy, but it got better. Maths sucked because I received my fat ass assignment and I don't understand how to do it. At all. Music Extension was alright, apart from emotionalness with Phantomess, but it was decent. Physics sucked. Lunch sucked. Form sucked. My Physics/Maths/Year 12 Coordinator was ticking me off to no end... But I don't really want to go into that.

Two friends of mine were really bugging me at lunch and, later, in Physics today. They seem to not get when to stop making ignorant comments. They seem to have an attitude that says, "Well I don't care about x, so I guess no one else does. Oh wait, x is really important to you? Oh well," and they just sit there mocking stuff and only caring about themselves despite the fact that you are really stressed out and annoyed and close to a breakdown and sitting at the lunch table holding back tears. They really don't seem to get that this senior formal and all the work I (and a couple of others) am putting into it is really important to me and is really stressing me out, despite the fact that they don't even want to go. This happened again in Physics, but with only one of the friends. After some... interesting comments from my teacher, I got kinda upset, annoyed and stressed again. My friend brought up his lack of caringness (look, I couldn't think of the word I wanted... Do not judge me). I started zoning out, in an attempt to ignore him or let him know I was upset and I was trying to hold back some tears again, cause that's always fun. Anyway, I THINK he might have caught on. I'm not sure... but I think he saw me looking at my face, which I'm sure didn't look too great right then, and then started cracking some lame jokes that made me laugh. It was probably my imagination of my unwarranted hope, but he MIGHT have been attempting to kind of cheer me up. A little. Maybe. Probably not, but saying this makes me kinda less mad at him.

There is this bit of plastic, or whatever, sticking up on the side of my laptop and it's kinda annoying but I don't want to try and take it off because I'll break my laptop.

Anyway, school sucks. Why? Because I don't hate it, yet I do. I get sick of the work and the stress and sometimes, I just want to be away from everyone. But when I think about next year, I wish I never had to leave school. I am TERRIFIED of next year. I don't want to have to be around new people and deal with new people and talk to new people. I love my group of friends and we are all going different places and I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing. People say, "At uni, do what you love and what you're good at." I'm not particularly good at anything. I'm 'pretty good' or 'alright' or 'not bad' at my subjects at school, but when I do well, it's because I do the work. It's not because I have talent in that area; I just do the work I'm supposed to do. So, that leaves me with "do what you love." But, what do I love? Oh wait, nothing. I don't have a passion for anything. I like music and Physics and English but I don't have a passion. They don't give me any ambition. I'm thinking of studying Psychology at uni next year. Why? Well, I'm not good at it, as I've never studied it before. I don't have a passion for it either. I just think it's really interesting and I have some weird fascination with mental illness. I look at careers I could get after uni and none of them interest me. I don't want to be an actual Psychologist and nothing else interests me. Maybe I'll figure it out when I'm studying. Maybe I'll realise, "This is what I want to do with my life," or something like that. But for now, having no idea, no ambition, no passion and no dream SUCKS.

Seems that having dinner put me in a better mood. For now.

... Wait. No, scratch that. My stomach's kinda hurting now. Oh, wonderful.

I have to go to a rehearsal for my school's spectacular tomorrow. Fml, guys. Then, it's Thursday. I hate Thursdays. But, it's my mum's birthday on Thursday. We haven't bought her a present yet. We have to get it tomorrow afternoon/evening, so I hope my dad can get off work early...

I'm feeling sick now. Great. As if I needed another excuse not to do instrumental practice.

I'm bored and I don't want to do school work. I'm not in a much better mood but I don't feel like going on an I-Can-Haz-Issues rant right now, either. What do y'all think I should do?

I SHOULD do my English homework but I don't want to. I SHOULD do my music assignments, but I don't want to. Well, actually, that wouldn't be an awful idea. I definitely should do some of my Maths assignment, and I just might... MIGHT.

Boredom, procrastination, lack of motivation and seriously watering eyes and plaguing me right now. I don't even know what is up with my eyes. STOP WATERING.

You know what? I'm going to stop being a lazy bum and do something school related.

... It's going to be hard to do school work when my eyes won't stop watering!

And my stomach feels like it literally moved inside of me. I call it Stomach Turbulence.

Did some flute practice. I like my pieces. Except one. I hate it. I can't play it. It's weird and doesn't make sense and feels so random. I do not like it and cannot play it and it's awful. I can't get the timing right because it's in freaking 2 and I can't play in 2 and I shall murder this piece. It will be the death of me.

It's Day 2 of Week 3 of this term and, as of today, I am already feeling mega-uber-super-duper-freaking-STRESSED. I do not deal with stress well, as I have learnt this year and this is the biggest term of all. I am not going to do well, I warn you all now. I need to get my grades up and I need to just tell people this when I'm at school. I need to stop chatting away and then feeling annoyed at them after class. If I talk and don't work/listen, it's my fault. I think I just need to say, "Hey, guys, could you be a bit more quiet, I need to work. Thanks," and just do my work. I'm going to try this, because I know I need to.

Ffffffssss--- OK, off to look at my Maths assignment.

[I got this title of a random phrase generator. It has some seriously funky background music that has put me in a better mood for like, 5 minutes]

Paul Likes Girl Pigs and Jim.

This shall be one of my signature Random Posts as I am bored, should be doing school work, and am avoiding doing a depressing post about how I feel lately, because it will result in me being a weird, emotional mess for the rest of the night. Not pretty.

My brother and I just sang a strange, impromptu song about how I couldn't find the kitchen scissors. It was loud, somewhat tuneful and completely random. Also, quite repetitive. I was getting a little too carried away and didn't realise my brother was practically yelling that he'd found them, because I thought he was singing some epic harmony or something. He found my failure amusing. Earlier, my other brother and I were singing "The Power of Love" really loudly and out-of-tunely with several bits hummed due to our lack of knowledge in the lyrics departments. Sometimes I want to strangle my brothers violently, but it's times like these that I get all sentimental. Maybe it's because I know that, with my current Tertiary Education Plan, I will be only living here for another year and a half before moving approximately 6 hours away. I won't miss their annoying nagging, ignoring of me and their terrible grammar (they aren't quite as academically minded as I have always been...) but I will miss the times when I sit at Maccas with them teaching them about OTPs and discussing our OTPs for every TV show we can think of, or the times we sing songs really loudly just because we want to. My older, younger brother and I are known for singing the entirety of "Bohemian Rhapsody" together. Guitar solos included. We are amazing.

I was going to get changed into my PJs, but I've just ended up sitting here for ten minutes in my school uniform with my PJs on my lap. Why do I fail so much?

I'm in my PJs now. You guys totes care. Don't lie to me, I know you do.

Today in PE we had to Design A Game. We were given two bibs, four markers, a rugby ball and a skipping rope and, in groups of four, had to create a game. Gojo, Phantomess, White Ribbon and I kinda failed. We had cool ideas like pushing people out of circles and hitting the rugby ball with a skipping rope. Our PE teacher heard one of our ideas and just looked at us and said, "Okaaayyyy......" with a look that said, "What are these girls on?" and walked away. Gosh.

I was reading a couple of my old posts then and I found one where I did a little Paradise Oskar fangirling. Dang. Now I'm listening to his album after the Fangirl Session that occured in Music today with Tenuto Tuo. We watched several videos of him and Tenuto Tuo had to deal with my creepiness being all, "He's still adorable even in a bad-quality video! Why am I not there in Finland seeing him play live? His voice is so much lower when he talks! HE'S ADORABLE!" Seriously, he sings relatively high and talks MUCH lower. It''s so weird. It has kinda confused Tenuto Tuo and I. "Da da dam, da da dam, da da da da da da da da dam."

AH! FANGIRLING IS OCCURING. I swear, this guy has become one of my favourite musicians. I just adore his music. I mean, no matter what he looked like, I would love his music. It's the kinda stuff I like and his voice is wonderful and the fact that he writes his own songs is so cool. And... he's adorable. *cough* Stop, girl.

Huh. Just briefly read why his stage name is Paradise Oskar. That's prety dang cool. Now, you know I'm a fan when I start slapping people who insult him. That happened today when my friend heard Tenuto Tuo and us playing "Jimmy's Song" (I was singing along) and my friend was all, "Who's this woman?" I proceeded to yell, "HE'S NOT A WOMAN! DO NOT INSULT HIM!" and slap him on the arm several times. He proceeded to call my dear Paradise Oskar a transvestite, just to annoy me, I'm sure, and I yelled and slapped more. Humph.

My dad came in to tell me that cowboys had towns called things like Loonyville and... something else I can't remember. He said one of them was called Peepee or something and I chuckled like a 6 year old. I swear my maturity has gone down the drain lately. *shakes head in shame*

"Thank you for making me feel like the biggest loser alive. And thank you for throwing away these three years of my life." These lines make my little heart break. Poor Paradise Oskar.

The entirety of the song "Dear Mother" breaks my heart. Oh dear. Now I'm fangirling while tearing up. NOT a good combination.

Just realised it's 8pm and I haven't done my English homework. I COULD do it in my spare tomorrow morning... Heh. I love spares. But, if I do it now, I can use my spare tomorrow to do Maths or Physics revision... Or read the book I got out for English Extension today. I'm really getting into reading classic literary texts lately. Well, kinda. This book is called "The House of Mirth." I'm actually pretty excited to read it. I told my mum I want Sense & Sensibility and told her it'd be a GREAT birthday present, so I hope she gets that hint ;)

Oh no! The Paradise Oskar album has finished playing. I'm depressed now.

Just realised I'm missing Masterchef. It's an elimination between 3 people. One of them is one of my favourites. The other two are people I've been wanting to go home for weeks and weeks. Can't believe I'm missing it.

Better go see if my family's watching it before it finishes. Hope y'all enjoyed this post about nothing.

POST TITLE EXPLANATION: This is the random crud I get up to with White Ribbon in Maths...

Happy Birthday To You, You're Not One Hundred And Two. You're only Fourty-Three. No, He's Only Fourty-Two.

Yesterday was my dad's birthday and in tradition, we went out for dinner with my aunty, uncle and two younger cousins. Now, by the time we got to the restaurant, it was pretty quiet and therefore, the waiters/waitresses got pretty bored. This meant that we were served a LOT. Serious. We had a lot of cups on our table and a waitress came along and asked if she could take them away. We said it was fine. She left and a waiter came along and asked if he could take them away. We let him. He left and a waitress came along and asked if she could take some plates. She left with some plates and a waiter came along and did the same thing. We were served by nearly all of the waiters in that restaurant that night.

Now, there was this one waiter who came along who was somewhat attractive. Just sayin'. Anyway, my family were making weird jokes with him as he was taking our plates (my cousins had been freaking out every waiter that night... I tried hard to pretend I wasn't there, but they all noticed my existence). He was all cool with the jokes, despite the fact I was sitting there thinking, "Stop being weird around the somewhat attractive waiter. Let him take our plates and LEAVE before I crawl into a hole under this table and die from embarrassment!" Anyway, he decided this was normal and told us about other weird things customers asked him. They have asked him things like the emergency procedure if a nuclear bomb were to be in the building, something else I can't remember and apparently, one guy asked him if he would go out with his daughter.  We all LOL'd away and he said, "See you," to us and left with our plates. Half of me was like, "YAY NO MORE EMBARRASSMENT!" and the other half was like, "Aw. I like this waiter dude." Anyway, after he'd walked away, my dad decided to turn around and say, "Will you go out with my daughter?" as a joke. Thankfully, waiter dude was totally gone and only people at our table heard. I put on a serious face and was all, "I do not appreciate this," but you know when you're totally embarrassed and whatnot, and you can't help but smile or smirk or half-laugh? Well, I did that... Firstly, my aunty replied to my comment by saying, "You might appreciate it if he went out with you," and continued to say stuff like, "Don't knock it till you try it," or whatever. My 11-year-old cousin managed to pick up on the slight smile/smirk on my face and tried to tell my dad. I don't think he really heard or cared, so that's good.

Unfortunately, that was SO not the end of the embarrassment. My cousins and brothers all decided to dare themselves to do stupid things in front of a waiter. This waiter happened to be the other nice, somewhat funny, young waiter. My brother was dared to feel his chest and say, "Where's my jacket?" even though he was wearing it. My little cousin was dared to walk around wiggling his butt. The Butt Wiggle apparently. The waiter kinda kept looking over at me during these dares as I was sitting there with my hand on my face, shaking my head, but kinda laughing at the stupidity of it all and so wishing I wasn't there. When we left, my cousins decided to dare HIM to do something. Thankfully, all they did was dare him to breathe and he was all like, "Done." Thankfully, none of these waiters seemed to mind too much. They all smiled and joked along with our stupidity... When we were leaving, Young Waiter Who Was Dared To Breathe and another waitress were cleaning our table and they were totes talking about us. Not sure I'll be inviting my cousins to my birthday dinner. Actually, I want to go to an Indian restaurant and I've only been there with the same family members before... I think the Somewhat Attractive Waiter there already knows about our issues and he usually doesn't mind that we are annoying, so I guess it's OK...

Yesterday we had this guy come to talk to us about the QCS test and help us prepare and stuff. He was one horrible dude. He was condescending and constantly looking down on us, our teachers and our school in general. It's funny because, when I left, I felt so much more pride in my school and my education and myself solely because he thought we were nothing. I went on internal rants about how, when I graduate in less than six months, I will have attended this school for 10 years and have always been the top or in the top group of people, academically, so this guy cannot judge me. He asked me some questions and, because he was scary as hell, I was flipping out. I get scared of answering questions in my normal English classes, let alone with an old, snobby, rude man asking me stuff. I could tell he was judging me and my intelligence and it made me think about how little you know about people. I mean, he made so many judgments about me and my grade and my school in that hour-and-a-half, but he has no idea. Anyway, basically, I felt lots of pride in the school I go to after that. I do love my school. 10 years can do that to you. I have seen it change a LOT and I do love it and I will miss it next year and after, I know it.

Anyway, I've got to do all my homework today because tomorrow I'm going to an expo about university etc. and after that, I'm going to visit my grandfather in hospital because he had a stroke last week. Gotta get all my school stuff done today, which should be fun seeing as though I woke up with a super sore throat and am now feeling really sick... *sigh*

The post was the way my brother's and I sang Happy Birthday to my dad yesterday. I sang the very last line because I actually knew his age...

I've Got No Clue What To Name This Post, Guys.

Sup guys?

Apparently my brother said it would be easy to be a mime so he is now forbidden to talk for 30 minutes. My parents have also told him he cannot write things down because he's a a mime not a scribe. Haha. Sucked in, dude.

So, I went back to school today after 3 weeks off. It was surprisingly good. In music we looked at uni sites as our teacher was away. In lesson two, we had a dude come in a tell us how to study and whatnot. I saw him and my first thought was, "He kinda looks like Neil Patrick Harris." Sadly, he was not Neil Patrick Harris. Or the musical theatre dude that I really thought he looked like. Oh well. Next I had Maths. We did next to nothing. Next was spare. I looked at uni courses and got quite confused, conflicted and somewhat depressed. More on that later. Then Physics. We watched some video on some dude trying to figure out nuclear fusion. It was kinda interesting but I kept zoning out and wanting to sleep.

Uni courses suck, bros. Before today, I knew what I wanted to do. I was going to do a Bachelor of Arts majoring in Spanish and Psychology. I was also highly considering doing a dual degree with Communication. The more I looked at courses in our university booklet thang, the more conflicted I felt. I'd really like to do an actual Psychology degree but at the uni I want, I need an OP 4. Which is, like, not doable for me. Other unis have seriously doable OPs but their courses aren't as interesting to me. Also, if I did do an actual Psychology degree, I can't do Spanish and this depresses me greatly. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, GUYS. The Psychology degree that I want to do means I can do a whole subject on pathopsychology. Pathopyschology is the study of mental diseases/disorders/abnormalities. This is the main reason I wanted to get into Psychology. I am really interested in mental illnesses and want so badly to learn about them. I need to see if I can still do this subject if I do my Arts degree, but frankly, I don't think that's what I want to do anymore. All of my friends have more interesting sounding degrees and all of their degrees sound like they can take them somewhere career-wise. Mine doesn't. I'm kinda flipping out. Oh well, I've got an excursion at the uni I want to go to on Thursday and hopefully, I'll figure out something then...

Qwertyuiop.

LOL Masterchef makes me... well, LOL. I have an OTP in Masterchef right now. Yeah, I ship in Masterchef. My dad was saying that this guy had a thing for this blonde chick and I was all, "No.... That would ruin my ship..." He was all, "...?" and I was all, "I ship him with Black Hair Chick," and my dad was all, "Eeehh,  I guess..." Ugh. He doesn't get my ship. Psshhffshssh.

They plated up pasta with parmesan and I could suddenly smell parmesan. SO WEIRD. I can still kinda smell it. My. Mind. Is. Blown.

I need some more Real Life Ships. I don't have enough. I ship two people in my class at school and I ship my brother with a friend of ours. They've known each other for like, ever, and used to like each other. You know those stories of people who were always best friends and eventually realised they were in love and then go out and get married and have kids and die together? Yeah. You know the ones. That's my story for my brother. Since I had one close dude friend when I was younger and I never see him anymore (He and his family spent Christmas at my house like 2 years ago and it was weird and awkward cause we didn't talk even though we were totes BFFs in grade 1 and 2) so I'm obviously not having that kind of story.

Oh dear. The Masterchef dude mentioned Black Hair Chick and I did one of my Creepy Shipper Laughs. Oh deary, deary me.

I'm not a huge Oreo fan, bros. I mean, they're yum and all, but... I've never actually liked the the biscuits, just the cream. The biscuits with the cream is pretty good... but, I usually eat one of the biscuits then eat the edges of biscuit around the cream and then eat that. So, I always have to get through one of the biscuits before the yummy cream.

In tomorrow night's Masterchef the contestant dudes are put into pairs. My ship are paired together. OH, YEAH. I told my parents this and they were slightly weirded out and amused and my dad said, "Maybe they'll go kissy-kissy in the corner." Sometimes I wonder how I am related to these people.

Wow. Just researched exchange programs at the university I want to go to and they sound amazing. Dang, I want to do an exchange program and study in Spain now. I'm just scared that I will be totally out of my depth and not good enough and scared of people and asdfghjkl. Well, I still want to go and I think I really need to just do things and not be so flipping scared all the time. It sounds like it would be such a great opportunity and could be such a great learning and growing experience from me... Ah, the conflictingness in my mind.