My Grown-Up Adventures In The 'Real World'

Greetings! I know I have posted anything in ages and I'm not sure what has compelled me to post something now, but whatever...

Because of having my license and whatnot, I've been getting out a lot more and taking myself places and just basically, growing up a little. Finally.

This weekend I drove myself 2 hours to the coast to stay with a friend and her family so that I could go with them to this arty event she had put on with some others. For the first half of the night, I was super awkward and anti-social and was texting Old Man instead of socialising. Whoops. But then she forced me to go outside and look at some other stuff and I was able to start talking to people. People I hadn't met. I loosened up and was able to somewhat keep some conversations going and not be a completely awkward boring freak. So, that was a plus. I stayed over at my friend's place and when I woke up, her and her family were headed off, so after they left, I made my breakfast, watched some TV, got dressed and left. I found my way to the beach (entirely by way of guessing and following some road signs), where I parked and went a 30-40 minute walk in the black t-shirt and black boots I was wearing (not great walking clothes. Too hot for sure) before going to this amazing yoghurt shop that, sadly, is only up at the coast. It has all these gourmet, fancy yoghurt flavours and you serve them (like soft serve ice cream) into a cup and then cover them in all these different toppings (fruit, chocolate, muesli etc.) and pay for how much your cup weighs. I had three yoghurt flavours- coconut, pomegranate and banana and topped them with strawberries, blueberries, raspberries and slivered almonds. I took my yoghurt over the road and ate it on a bench overlooking the bench. I then got in my car and found my way back onto the highway and got back home. My family were out at another family's place for lunch, so I drove myself there too.

I know none of this sounds like much to most people my age or older, but it was all a big deal for me. I've never done this much independently, without at least one family member nearby or something. I had anxieties before leaving yesterday, but once I'd gotten in the car and was driving and singing, loudly and terribly, to my music, I felt good. And when I was laying in bed last night and this morning, thinking about the previous night and all my accomplishments, I felt so good. I just felt... happy. And at peace. It's a nice feeling that I haven't felt enough in my life.

I've decided I don't care if that sounds so stupid to everyone else. I've decided I need to accept what I find difficult and celebrate when I do these things and they go well. I need to stop comparing myself to others and getting frustrated that others can go out to new places and talk to new people easily while I find it extremely anxiety-inducing. I am getting better at it. I know that and that is good and, at least for now, I am happy with what I can do and the achievements I'm making, whether petty to others or not.

Also, I've decided I need to find a creative outlet again. I need to do something when I'm home, instead of just watching TV and scrolling through the internet. I need to cook more again. I haven't done a lot lately, which is sad. I need to experiment with healthy baking and cook and read and play music and just get back into my hobbies. Seriously, I need more of a life, even when I'm just at home alone...

I'm not sure where else I was going with this post, so I'll probably leave it here. If I leave the tab open thinking, "I'll write something else," I'll end up coming back to it when I go to bed and am turning the computer off and will never post this, so farewell!

If You're So Evil, Eat This Kitten!

So, I have no idea what to blog about right now, but I haven't blogged in days and I felt the need. The need for speed? No.

Last night I spent an extensive amount of time looking up mental disorders. It may be weird, but I find them fascinating. Very interesting. In particular, I read about Social Anxiety Disorder (again...), other Anxiety Disorders, Stress Disorders like Generalised Stress Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I self-diagnosed myself with all of these. I have no doubt in my mind that I have a form (even if it is only relatively mild) of Social Anxiety Disorder/Social Phobia. I also believe I have a form of Stress Disorder and a mild case of OCD.

I was wondering, "Why do I like diagnosing myself? Why do others like doing it too?" I guess it's because you feel a lot better once you can put a name to the weird things you do. Like, you may go through life constantly washing you hands and ritualistically washing your hair and being all, "Oh my gosh, I'm so weird," but I think it CAN (it may not) give you comfort to be able to put a name to your issues and just be able to say, "It's OK. I have OCD. There's a reason. I'm not crazy." That's what I think anyway.

Now, online tests are pretty cool. I kinda have done many... Including the Sanity Quiz or something. You do like, a 5-page quiz and it gives you a score for many different mental illnesses/disorders/various other issues. Your highest scored ones are "danger zones" and then gives you advice for them and lower scoring ones. Pretty interesting, actually. I totes have no issues with drugs or alcohol, guys  :P

I also realised yesterday (I really didn't do much work yesterday) how much I like side characters in books, TV shows, movies, animes etc. Main characters generally bore me. I don't usually dislike them, but I am usually indifferent to them. If there is a main guy and a main girl, I generally dislike the girl and like the guy. Also, I don't usually like the fan favourites...
EXAMPLES:
- Fruits Basket. Sure, my favourite character is one of the main ones, but I never liked Tohru, the MAIN character. She bored me. And annoyed me. And I strongly disliked Yuki, a fan favourite.
- AnoHana. Yeah, I've only recently started this, but still. Jintan= boring. Menma= meh. Typical, cute girl. I am indifferent towards the both of them. Yukiatsu (more of a side character)- favourite. Love him. Basically, I like the other four 'less-major' characters (Yukiatsu, Anaru, Poppo & Tsuruko) but not the main two.
- Total Drama. Yeah. Phantomess and I were talking about this very thing this afternoon. Here is my group of favourite characters from all three seasons: Heather, Alejandro, Duncan, Harold, Trent, Courtney. Apart from Duncan, these guys are all generally pretty hated in the fandom. There are some fans, though. Now, the favourites of the fandom: Gwen, Cody, Noah. Never liked Gwen- one of my least favourites. Indifferent towards Cody. I like Noah, but I often forget about him.
- Special A. Indifferent towards the main female, Hikari. I loved the main male, Kei and the minor male characters Tadashi and Ryuu.
- La Corda D'Oro. Hino (took my awhile to remember her name) bored me. I didn't like most of the guys that much, I just loved Tsukimori, and he is either loved or hated by fans.
- Wicked. Strangely. Kind of. Now, I like most characters. And of course, I like Elphaba, but... for a lot of it, I didn't feel drawn to her, as a character. My feelings towards Elphaba are very hard to explain. Ones that I just loved outright were Glinda, Fiyero and, strangely enough, Nessarose.
- My Fair Lady. Eliza's pretty meh. I hated the guts of Henry Higgins. Favourite character? Freddy.
- Matched. The book I recently finished reading. Didn't care much about the main character. For some reason, I really did not like the guy she fell in love with. Instead, I like the guy she ditched for Guy She Fell In Love With. I keep meaning to do a review of this book...

Anyway, you get the point. Linking both of the topics of this post together, I realised on the bus home today, that I like characters with issues. Freudian Excuses. Troubled But Cute. Jerk With A Heart of Gold. Even good ol' Jerkass. I love characters, particularly attractive male characters, with weird internal issues.

I have also come to the realisation of the inflation in my fangirl behaviours over the past year. Not even a whole year, really. Before this year and some of last year, I never used to be anywhere near as interested in fictional characters. I didn't really listen to songs from certain bands *cough*Relient K*cough* to hear the very attractive voices of certain singers *cough*Matthew Thiessen*cough*. I never used to obsessively look up pictures of characters I found attractive to compile large folders of pictures before creating collages... Well, I like my obsessions, you know. It's fun to emotionally attach yourself to other lives. Yes, at times it is quite depressing, but whatever.

What's that? I have a Physics assignment due in 2 weeks? I have a Maths exam next week? I have a concert on next Saturday on a piece I can't play? I have English Extension stuff due soon? And English homework due tomorrow? Hm. Writing it all there made me realise how badly I do need to get off here. And made me feel kinda stressed. No. Calm. Breathe.

Title courtesy of TVTropes: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Ptitle6vgp6b47