Obligatory New Year's Post

Here is my post to review 2012 and my hopes for the coming year.

I had great hopes for 2012 this time last year because, frankly, 2011 sucked. Unfortunately, 2012 did not live up to these hopes, at least not in the first few months. It was almost as though 2012 was mocking me for believing everything could suddenly get better on January 1st, so the year through many various struggles at me. I think the worst part was that these big struggles were not spread out. When I think of 2012, I think of two major events that occurred in the life of my family, two difficult events that still trouble me and I hope never happen again, and both of these events occured in the space of a few months. Approximately 3 months. It makes it pretty hard to try and deal with two very emotional, draining, upsetting and confronting events at the same time.

I am one of those cheesy people that believes things happen for a reason. Maybe not every little thing but most things, yes. These events- definitely. I think they were meant to teach me lessons, about other people and about myself. I haven't figured out what those lessons were yet, but I have taken some good things away from them. I guess they both helped me realise what kind of person I want to be now and in the future. Maybe dreams I already had, but they were brought to the foreground. One of these events, may have brought me closer to realising a very real possibility for my future career in Developmental Psychology. Maybe not, but I have tried to look for the positives that can come out of these times.

I started and finished my first year of University and I am actually really quite proud of myself. I did it. I feel like, if I could do the first year without too many issues, I can totally finish a whole degree. I passed  all my subjects and even did pretty well in a few of them. I made new friends. Not many, but for me that is a huge deal. Granted, they were all from Japanese class and I was pretty much a loner in all other courses throughout the year. Oh no, wait. I made a friend in my second year Psych course in 2nd semester, but she didn't turn up for the second half of the semester so I was still pretty loner-y. But I learn to not care about being a loner in most classes. I know I have friends. And, frankly, I like being on my own a lot. I like hanging with friends during class and chatting during the breaks, but I also quite like being alone. I do hope, however, to make some more friends this coming uni year.

I learnt to drive this year. Properly. Despite my dislike of driving and the anxiety it caused me, I got up all my hours and finally passed my test, just a couple of weeks ago. I do not have my own car yet, but having my Ps has really come in handy already and I'm so glad that my mum forced me to do it and that I also forced myself.

I became obsessed with new TV shows this year. I now that the fact that is a small highlight of my year makes me seem pretty pathetic, but I like TV, OK? Do not judge me! I started The Office and Community and became thoroughly obsessed with both. I recently decided they are my two favourite shows.

I started trying to be a healthier person this year with better eating and regular exercise and it has become a big part of my life. I still need to work towards a lot in those regards, mostly mentally, but I will get there.

That is my vague review of 2012 and now I will go over my hopes for 2013 which, honestly, I haven't thought much about.

Goals for 2013 written as though I am talking to myself:
1. GET A JOB. ASAP.
2. Become more independent. You am officially and adult now and although you still live at home with you parents, really try and achieve as much independence as possible in every other aspect of your life. Continue what you've started in the past month or so.
3. Learn to love yourself. This is probably the most important one. Stop comparing and worrying and getting really upset over your body and your appearance. Stop being so self-depreciating over these stupid things that don't matter. Stop thinking that you will be alone because of your body. Stop letting these awful, hateful thoughts and crazy anxieties fill your mind everyday. Focus on being as healthy and happy as you can possibly be.
4. Focus more on God. Don't just do it on a Sunday morning at church and when you pray before going to sleep. Read the Bible, pray more, sing more worship songs and don't forget about Him in your daily life. This one is the other most important.
5. Make more friends. It doesn't matter how many, but try and make conversations with people. When you see someone at uni in a class and you think they are interesting and you wish you could talk to them, stop wishing and do it. Try and hold a conversation and, if it goes well, try and start and maintain a friendship.
6. Even though you want to get out more, gain independence and act like the young adult you are, don't feel pressured into anything. Don't feel like you have to stay out till 3am and get drunk or whatever because friends want to or because it's what "normal" people your age do. Remember that it's OK to want to stay home at lie on the couch in your PJs watching reality TV shows with your parents. Just find a balance. Do those fun "young people" stuff so you don't miss out, but don't burn yourself doing so many social things that you end up not enjoying them at all. Think about what you really want to do.
7. Stop getting so frustrated with your body and its (relatively minor...) health issues. It is frustrating that it's taking so long to work out and fix, but it's going as fast as it can and you will feel much better eventually.
8. Read more. You always want to and you often start but it stagnates often. Look up books, go to the library and read all the unread books on your bookshelf.
9. Watch more movies. "Classic" movies that everyone has seen and I have not. Finish your Audrey Hepburn movies, watch those other ones on your list.
10. Cook even more. You love it, so do it more. Try new ingredients and try learning some techniques to get even better.
11. Run that 5k! It might seem really impossible right now, but there is really no reason you can't do it, just put your mind to it, think about how happy you'll be when you finish it and keep being positive.
12. Try and remember all your strategies for reducing anxieties etc. Take deep breaths, think positive thoughts, pay attention to your surroundings and, if your feeling upset for no apparent reason, do something you love. Watch an episode of one of your favourite shows and paint your nails, or bake a cake.
13. Try and keep better contact with some of the friends you, unfortunately and unintentionally, neglect. You know the ones...
14. Don't try and fit in. You know what you like, what you don't like, what you're comfortable with, your own limits etc. Don't try and change any of this because you think you should to fit in. Be yourself, girl.
15. Take more photos. Of anything and everything. Scenery, places you go, things you do, people you're with. Just capture the memories of 2013. Try and buy a new, good camera and take a photography course, like you've wanted to for years.

I think that's it. To sum up, happy New Year! Enjoy the holidays (esp. Aussie uni students) and have a great 2013!

Boys Will Not Chew Gum In Class

So, 2011 is coming to an end very quickly and as I look back upon this year, there is a lot to reflect upon. Overall, this year wasn't that great for me and I am pretty glad it's over. It's strange how one year can be so different for different people. Some people had a wonderful year while others had the worst year of their life. It's weird. My year wasn't great. It was the most challenging year of my short life.

I mean, I started and finished my last year of high school. Ever. A lot of stuff goes along with that.

I learnt a lot about myself and the people around me this year. I dealt with more stress than I ever have in my entire life and learnt that I don't deal well with it. I realised that I can become clingy. I learnt that I expect too much from myself and the people around me and that all my expectations are unrealistic and will only lead to disappointment.

I have definitely learnt a lot of things I don't like about myself and would like to change. These things will take awhile. I mean, after spending years and years worrying about pretty much everything, it will take a lot of time and work to, you know, stop worrying about everything.

Anyway, I have stopped dwelling too much on the past year and am trying to take things from it, instead of regret things. I am both dreading and looking forward to this New Year's, because 2012 is going to be even bigger and tougher than 2011. The school chapter of my life is done and so far, it's the only real chapter I've known, seeing as though I don't remember anything about my life before kindergarten... Starting university, hopefully getting a job, meeting new people is going to be a crazy and very challenging thing for me, but I've gotten it into my head that there's no point in worrying about it all.

So, I've decided that I'm just going to let things happen. Not in a sit-around-and-do-nothing-while-waiting-for-whatever's-supposed-to-happen-to-happen kind of way. Just in a not-worrying-see-where-things-go-and-see-where-I-end-up kind of way. I think things happen for a reason and I should just go with whatever does happen. If I've chosen the wrong course for next year, I'll figure that out and change. If I found out that university isn't for me, I'll change things. I've just got to calm down and not worry and just see what happens. That's my plan for 2012, I guess.

Well, I guess I'll have more deep thoughts like these on New Year's Eve while in the bedroom of a family friend kind of friend of mine as we sit there awkwardly after spending three hours wondering what to do. I'm not even exaggerating.