If It Makes An Arc, It Will Create A Spark... Or Something Like That

So, I'm home early today. Woo! Went to get a blood test during lunch and got home at the start of 5th Lesson. Yes, I have indeed wasted 36 minutes on Tumblr, but I have a theory. If I scroll through pages and pages and pages on Tumblr NOW, then I won't spend as long (because I will be on it again, I know) later on. Which better work, because I have so much to do this afternoon. Let me outline it for you:


1. English Extension Research Proposal- I don't even. It's long and complicated and annoying and I don't get it, but I will do it. Even if it is wrong or not of Year 12 English Extension standard, I will finish this stupid thing!


2. Saxophone Practice- I have my grade 5 exam tomorrow morning. I need to practice. Pretty bad. I mean, I've been SO chill about this exam, and now I'm starting to realise the problems with that. This morning, a couple of my scales weren't great. One of my pieces still isn't quite right. My aural SHOULD be OK, but I'm worried about it. My sight reading is good, but it was good last year (for my Grade 3 exam) and I stuffed it up. Asdfghjkl. I want to do really well, but I'm too relaxed. Tomorrow morning, of course, I'll FREAK OUT.


3. English homework- It shouldn't take too long, but I don't want to do it. I don't like English. I do, but I don't. I went from not liking it because I had sucky teachers and could get an A in my sleep, to being scared of it because of my new scary teacher, to loving it because that teacher was dang good, to being scared of it again, despite the good teacher. I think I will talk to him sometime tomorrow about my issues with English... But I have to leave English after 30 minutes to go to my sax exam...


4. Maths revision- I have a Maths exam in two weeks. Less than that, actually. My teacher gave us heaps of questions to do as revision today and I need to work through them, because this test will decided if I'm top of the class, or second, third or fourth.


5. Physics revision- I have a Physics exam in the same week as the Maths one. And English one. I need to revise for that too. I doubt I'll get it done this afternoon though.


THANK THE LORD I HAVE A SPARE TOMORROW! Nothing better happen to that spare. I NEED that spare. I can do revision for Maths and/or Physics and read my ExtEng book.


Well, now that this post has made me stress and has risen my heartbeat a bit, I'm going to move on to what I planned to post about- this shall be one of my Random-Post-Whatever-Is-Happening-And-Stuff Posts. Enjoy.


Sitting her home alone during the day doing ExtEng makes me feel like it's the holidays. Yes, I've had to do ExtEng in the holidays... *shudder* But... feeling like the holidays makes me think of how I watched all of Toradora and most of Durarara and finished Ano Hana last holidays... I want to watch anime now, 
dang it.


I can't use bobby pins properly, guys... The joys of having Short-But-Not-Really-Short-But-Not-Long-Cause-It's-Not-Even-Shoulder-Length-Yet-But-Too-Long-To-Be-Considered-Properly-Short Hair. My hair and I do not have a healthy relationship. It is mean to me, I hate it and am abusive (Well, I am all, "ARGH I HATE MY HAIR!!") at it... It continues to defy me and I continue to be angered. If my hair were a person, we would not be friends, but we would have to go to some sort of relationship counselling, because we have to spend so much time together and I have emotional issues and reliance issues related to my hair. Oh dear. I think I am loosing my mind.


The holiday feeling now makes me want to watch Total Drama. Ah, damn.


No! You must read about Christine Delphy and materialist feminism and marxism and The House of Mirth! No anime or hilarious cartoon show for you!


Guys, I'm totes wearing my formal shoes right now. I need to practice walking in them because they are the very first pair of proper heels I've ever worn. For a girl who likes to wear jeans and t-shirts (ranging from really nice tops, to guys t-shirts with video game characters on them) and Volleys or boots, my formal is a big step (Step. LOL. See what I did there?). I mean, getting my hair done, my nails done, high heels, a dress (albeit short and black, totes my style) and MAKE-UP. MAKE-UP. I don't wear it. I hate it. It makes me feel sick. Just the smell of it makes me feel sick.


My brother just got home from school and I rambled my head off to him like an idiot. I guess being home alone for an hour makes you need to interact... Well, not usually... Maybe I'm going crazy. I mean, today I have been in a better mood than everyday this week combined and doubled. I swear, I was feeling good for most of today and I have no clue why. Especially since I have spent this week in an emotional slump and had been dreading/fearing turning up to school today. I am so confused. My mind makes no sense. What is this I don't even.


Eugh. That apple juice has made me feel sick. Why did I drink it? I don't even like apple juice? Oooh! I want a milo now!


I have my milo now. Milo is wonderful. I don't even know what malted barley is, but it sure tastes good. Even when it's in milk (I hate milk)... It tastes like, beautiful mixed in with vanilla ice cream. Oh my gosh. I feel like I'm getting fat just typing this...


I keep spilling my milo...


BACK TO CHRISTINE DELPHY AND MATERIALIST FEMINISM


"Materialist Feminism is a form of literary criticism that takes the ideologies expressed in Marxist theory and explains the way that they oppress women."  Yeah. I just wrote that. I totes explained Materialist Feminism in a sentence that gives the impression that I vaguely know what I am talking about. I am happy with that. Well, not totally. It feels like it needs something on the end of that sentence. Hm. 


So.... I just read this whole Tumblr blog of quotes from The Princess Diaries book series. That was not a waste of ten minutes... It made me nostalgic and it made me laugh and possibly re-fall-in-love with the character of Michael and make me seriously want to read all ten books again. Ah dang. I don't have the time to read ten books... I'm sad now. BACK TO EXTENG.


"This theory discusses the way that money and materials become important through the economic and class structures demonstrated in Marxist theory and how this increases the already existent oppression of women in society." Does that make sense? I think so... It's just kinda long. Oh well. 


I've had enough ExtEng for now. What next? Maths I think. I'm not in the mood for sax and English is being left for like, 8:30. When I'm done watching The Farmer Wants A Wife. Seriously, I love that show. A lot. 


According to my calculations, I have to do 4.2 Maths revision questions everyday until my exam, except the two days next week that contain the most important test of my schooling life, if I want to get them all done. Hm. Better start. 


OK. Done with Maths for today. Yay. Now... Saxophone. And flute. Means I have to turn off my Relient K... I'm sad... 


Well, bye y'all. 

You Are A Filthy Computer Who Likes To Punch Lanterns

So, today was kinda lame. And, no, that does not mean it couldn't walk...

I mean, the first half of it was alright. I guess. Well, music was boring as always, English was kinda sucky because our teacher got PMSy, but it got better. Maths sucked because I received my fat ass assignment and I don't understand how to do it. At all. Music Extension was alright, apart from emotionalness with Phantomess, but it was decent. Physics sucked. Lunch sucked. Form sucked. My Physics/Maths/Year 12 Coordinator was ticking me off to no end... But I don't really want to go into that.

Two friends of mine were really bugging me at lunch and, later, in Physics today. They seem to not get when to stop making ignorant comments. They seem to have an attitude that says, "Well I don't care about x, so I guess no one else does. Oh wait, x is really important to you? Oh well," and they just sit there mocking stuff and only caring about themselves despite the fact that you are really stressed out and annoyed and close to a breakdown and sitting at the lunch table holding back tears. They really don't seem to get that this senior formal and all the work I (and a couple of others) am putting into it is really important to me and is really stressing me out, despite the fact that they don't even want to go. This happened again in Physics, but with only one of the friends. After some... interesting comments from my teacher, I got kinda upset, annoyed and stressed again. My friend brought up his lack of caringness (look, I couldn't think of the word I wanted... Do not judge me). I started zoning out, in an attempt to ignore him or let him know I was upset and I was trying to hold back some tears again, cause that's always fun. Anyway, I THINK he might have caught on. I'm not sure... but I think he saw me looking at my face, which I'm sure didn't look too great right then, and then started cracking some lame jokes that made me laugh. It was probably my imagination of my unwarranted hope, but he MIGHT have been attempting to kind of cheer me up. A little. Maybe. Probably not, but saying this makes me kinda less mad at him.

There is this bit of plastic, or whatever, sticking up on the side of my laptop and it's kinda annoying but I don't want to try and take it off because I'll break my laptop.

Anyway, school sucks. Why? Because I don't hate it, yet I do. I get sick of the work and the stress and sometimes, I just want to be away from everyone. But when I think about next year, I wish I never had to leave school. I am TERRIFIED of next year. I don't want to have to be around new people and deal with new people and talk to new people. I love my group of friends and we are all going different places and I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing. People say, "At uni, do what you love and what you're good at." I'm not particularly good at anything. I'm 'pretty good' or 'alright' or 'not bad' at my subjects at school, but when I do well, it's because I do the work. It's not because I have talent in that area; I just do the work I'm supposed to do. So, that leaves me with "do what you love." But, what do I love? Oh wait, nothing. I don't have a passion for anything. I like music and Physics and English but I don't have a passion. They don't give me any ambition. I'm thinking of studying Psychology at uni next year. Why? Well, I'm not good at it, as I've never studied it before. I don't have a passion for it either. I just think it's really interesting and I have some weird fascination with mental illness. I look at careers I could get after uni and none of them interest me. I don't want to be an actual Psychologist and nothing else interests me. Maybe I'll figure it out when I'm studying. Maybe I'll realise, "This is what I want to do with my life," or something like that. But for now, having no idea, no ambition, no passion and no dream SUCKS.

Seems that having dinner put me in a better mood. For now.

... Wait. No, scratch that. My stomach's kinda hurting now. Oh, wonderful.

I have to go to a rehearsal for my school's spectacular tomorrow. Fml, guys. Then, it's Thursday. I hate Thursdays. But, it's my mum's birthday on Thursday. We haven't bought her a present yet. We have to get it tomorrow afternoon/evening, so I hope my dad can get off work early...

I'm feeling sick now. Great. As if I needed another excuse not to do instrumental practice.

I'm bored and I don't want to do school work. I'm not in a much better mood but I don't feel like going on an I-Can-Haz-Issues rant right now, either. What do y'all think I should do?

I SHOULD do my English homework but I don't want to. I SHOULD do my music assignments, but I don't want to. Well, actually, that wouldn't be an awful idea. I definitely should do some of my Maths assignment, and I just might... MIGHT.

Boredom, procrastination, lack of motivation and seriously watering eyes and plaguing me right now. I don't even know what is up with my eyes. STOP WATERING.

You know what? I'm going to stop being a lazy bum and do something school related.

... It's going to be hard to do school work when my eyes won't stop watering!

And my stomach feels like it literally moved inside of me. I call it Stomach Turbulence.

Did some flute practice. I like my pieces. Except one. I hate it. I can't play it. It's weird and doesn't make sense and feels so random. I do not like it and cannot play it and it's awful. I can't get the timing right because it's in freaking 2 and I can't play in 2 and I shall murder this piece. It will be the death of me.

It's Day 2 of Week 3 of this term and, as of today, I am already feeling mega-uber-super-duper-freaking-STRESSED. I do not deal with stress well, as I have learnt this year and this is the biggest term of all. I am not going to do well, I warn you all now. I need to get my grades up and I need to just tell people this when I'm at school. I need to stop chatting away and then feeling annoyed at them after class. If I talk and don't work/listen, it's my fault. I think I just need to say, "Hey, guys, could you be a bit more quiet, I need to work. Thanks," and just do my work. I'm going to try this, because I know I need to.

Ffffffssss--- OK, off to look at my Maths assignment.

[I got this title of a random phrase generator. It has some seriously funky background music that has put me in a better mood for like, 5 minutes]

I Dreamt That You Were A Dog And That Dog Was My Husband

Last night I had a dream about my school formal. It was pretty similar to most dreams I have, but we'll get to that soon enough.

Basically, I bought some shoes to wear the day of the formal (cutting it fine, much?). From what I remember of them, they were kinda ugly and nothing I'd actually wear. So, at one point in my dream, I was a shopping centre food court with my family, before the formal. I was worried we'd be late. I saw my friend, Old Man, and his mum on their way to the formal. I MIGHT have also seen Miss Invisible. I'm not sure. Anyway, I wanted my family to hurry up, because I was worried we'd be late to MY FORMAL. They bought me some food, cause I was hungry. I didn't want much. They bought me KFC. I got kinda annoyed at them, saying things like, "I have my formal tonight. I can't have KFC! It's so unhealthy. I'm going to get fat and not fit intro my dress!" and things along those lines. I can't remember if I ate it or not. I might have been in my dress too, because I remember being worried about getting grease on me. Yuck. Eventually, I had to get changed and, at some stage, I was in my car, worrying about being late. I was probably freaking out a bit. Eventually, I made it to the formal. All I remember about the formal is that my date was - HERE COMES THE WEIRD PART - none other than Miss Invisible's boyfriend! Yeah. I don't even talk to him! Anyway, I don't actually know who Miss Invisible's date was and why I wasn't there with Phantomess, as planned. Well, then later on I was at church and apparently I had some thing for two guys who were married with one child. Well, I didn't have a THING for them, I just thought they were attractive. WEIRD DREAM, GUYS.

So, I seem to frequently have dreams that involve being late. I'm always running late to something and no matter what I do and no matter how much I freak out and try and be quicker, I end up being later and later. It's frustrating in my dreams.

I've researched what it means to be late in a dream. Generally, people say it means you fear change. Interesting indeed. Although, I think it makes sense, in relation to me. I do kinda fear change. I mean, in certain aspects, I like change, but I can be pretty dang good at holding on to all the good memories associated with something and not wanting to let go. Take school for example. I've hated this year. It sucks, right? Yeah, I'm looking forward to graduating and beginning my kinda "new life" as a Finally-Not-School-Student. But, I am freaked out like crazy. I keep thinking about all the good school times and all the crazy fun times I've had with my friends and suddenly, I don't want to graduate. But I do. But I don't. I do want to leave school, I'm just terrified. I don't think that fear's a bad thing though. I think my fear of change, in this case, will help me cherish all the good memories and will kinda help me get rid of the bad ones. It helps me put my 12 years of schooling in a good light and I would rather that than remember 12 years negatively.

I've been having a Super Toradora Marathon today. Like, seriously SUPER. I've so far watched from episode 12 to 22... I ONLY HAVE 3 EPISODES LEFT. AH!

I'm going to do a review of this anime when I'm done. Which will be either tonight or Thursday, because I am going to the beach tomorrow! Whoop. With a small group of my hos. I might do a review of that tomorrow night :)

Anyway, that's the end. I need to go grab something to eat, chat a little to my family and come back to finish Toradora.