So, today was kinda lame. And, no, that does not mean it couldn't walk...
I mean, the first half of it was alright. I guess. Well, music was boring as always, English was kinda sucky because our teacher got PMSy, but it got better. Maths sucked because I received my fat ass assignment and I don't understand how to do it. At all. Music Extension was alright, apart from emotionalness with Phantomess, but it was decent. Physics sucked. Lunch sucked. Form sucked. My Physics/Maths/Year 12 Coordinator was ticking me off to no end... But I don't really want to go into that.
Two friends of mine were really bugging me at lunch and, later, in Physics today. They seem to not get when to stop making ignorant comments. They seem to have an attitude that says, "Well I don't care about x, so I guess no one else does. Oh wait, x is really important to you? Oh well," and they just sit there mocking stuff and only caring about themselves despite the fact that you are really stressed out and annoyed and close to a breakdown and sitting at the lunch table holding back tears. They really don't seem to get that this senior formal and all the work I (and a couple of others) am putting into it is really important to me and is really stressing me out, despite the fact that they don't even want to go. This happened again in Physics, but with only one of the friends. After some... interesting comments from my teacher, I got kinda upset, annoyed and stressed again. My friend brought up his lack of caringness (look, I couldn't think of the word I wanted... Do not judge me). I started zoning out, in an attempt to ignore him or let him know I was upset and I was trying to hold back some tears again, cause that's always fun. Anyway, I THINK he might have caught on. I'm not sure... but I think he saw me looking at my face, which I'm sure didn't look too great right then, and then started cracking some lame jokes that made me laugh. It was probably my imagination of my unwarranted hope, but he MIGHT have been attempting to kind of cheer me up. A little. Maybe. Probably not, but saying this makes me kinda less mad at him.
There is this bit of plastic, or whatever, sticking up on the side of my laptop and it's kinda annoying but I don't want to try and take it off because I'll break my laptop.
Anyway, school sucks. Why? Because I don't hate it, yet I do. I get sick of the work and the stress and sometimes, I just want to be away from everyone. But when I think about next year, I wish I never had to leave school. I am TERRIFIED of next year. I don't want to have to be around new people and deal with new people and talk to new people. I love my group of friends and we are all going different places and I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing. People say, "At uni, do what you love and what you're good at." I'm not particularly good at anything. I'm 'pretty good' or 'alright' or 'not bad' at my subjects at school, but when I do well, it's because I do the work. It's not because I have talent in that area; I just do the work I'm supposed to do. So, that leaves me with "do what you love." But, what do I love? Oh wait, nothing. I don't have a passion for anything. I like music and Physics and English but I don't have a passion. They don't give me any ambition. I'm thinking of studying Psychology at uni next year. Why? Well, I'm not good at it, as I've never studied it before. I don't have a passion for it either. I just think it's really interesting and I have some weird fascination with mental illness. I look at careers I could get after uni and none of them interest me. I don't want to be an actual Psychologist and nothing else interests me. Maybe I'll figure it out when I'm studying. Maybe I'll realise, "This is what I want to do with my life," or something like that. But for now, having no idea, no ambition, no passion and no dream SUCKS.
Seems that having dinner put me in a better mood. For now.
... Wait. No, scratch that. My stomach's kinda hurting now. Oh, wonderful.
I have to go to a rehearsal for my school's spectacular tomorrow. Fml, guys. Then, it's Thursday. I hate Thursdays. But, it's my mum's birthday on Thursday. We haven't bought her a present yet. We have to get it tomorrow afternoon/evening, so I hope my dad can get off work early...
I'm feeling sick now. Great. As if I needed another excuse not to do instrumental practice.
I'm bored and I don't want to do school work. I'm not in a much better mood but I don't feel like going on an I-Can-Haz-Issues rant right now, either. What do y'all think I should do?
I SHOULD do my English homework but I don't want to. I SHOULD do my music assignments, but I don't want to. Well, actually, that wouldn't be an awful idea. I definitely should do some of my Maths assignment, and I just might... MIGHT.
Boredom, procrastination, lack of motivation and seriously watering eyes and plaguing me right now. I don't even know what is up with my eyes. STOP WATERING.
You know what? I'm going to stop being a lazy bum and do something school related.
... It's going to be hard to do school work when my eyes won't stop watering!
And my stomach feels like it literally moved inside of me. I call it Stomach Turbulence.
Did some flute practice. I like my pieces. Except one. I hate it. I can't play it. It's weird and doesn't make sense and feels so random. I do not like it and cannot play it and it's awful. I can't get the timing right because it's in freaking 2 and I can't play in 2 and I shall murder this piece. It will be the death of me.
It's Day 2 of Week 3 of this term and, as of today, I am already feeling mega-uber-super-duper-freaking-STRESSED. I do not deal with stress well, as I have learnt this year and this is the biggest term of all. I am not going to do well, I warn you all now. I need to get my grades up and I need to just tell people this when I'm at school. I need to stop chatting away and then feeling annoyed at them after class. If I talk and don't work/listen, it's my fault. I think I just need to say, "Hey, guys, could you be a bit more quiet, I need to work. Thanks," and just do my work. I'm going to try this, because I know I need to.
Ffffffssss--- OK, off to look at my Maths assignment.
[I got this title of a random phrase generator. It has some seriously funky background music that has put me in a better mood for like, 5 minutes]
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