Greetings! I know I have posted anything in ages and I'm not sure what has compelled me to post something now, but whatever...
Because of having my license and whatnot, I've been getting out a lot more and taking myself places and just basically, growing up a little. Finally.
This weekend I drove myself 2 hours to the coast to stay with a friend and her family so that I could go with them to this arty event she had put on with some others. For the first half of the night, I was super awkward and anti-social and was texting Old Man instead of socialising. Whoops. But then she forced me to go outside and look at some other stuff and I was able to start talking to people. People I hadn't met. I loosened up and was able to somewhat keep some conversations going and not be a completely awkward boring freak. So, that was a plus. I stayed over at my friend's place and when I woke up, her and her family were headed off, so after they left, I made my breakfast, watched some TV, got dressed and left. I found my way to the beach (entirely by way of guessing and following some road signs), where I parked and went a 30-40 minute walk in the black t-shirt and black boots I was wearing (not great walking clothes. Too hot for sure) before going to this amazing yoghurt shop that, sadly, is only up at the coast. It has all these gourmet, fancy yoghurt flavours and you serve them (like soft serve ice cream) into a cup and then cover them in all these different toppings (fruit, chocolate, muesli etc.) and pay for how much your cup weighs. I had three yoghurt flavours- coconut, pomegranate and banana and topped them with strawberries, blueberries, raspberries and slivered almonds. I took my yoghurt over the road and ate it on a bench overlooking the bench. I then got in my car and found my way back onto the highway and got back home. My family were out at another family's place for lunch, so I drove myself there too.
I know none of this sounds like much to most people my age or older, but it was all a big deal for me. I've never done this much independently, without at least one family member nearby or something. I had anxieties before leaving yesterday, but once I'd gotten in the car and was driving and singing, loudly and terribly, to my music, I felt good. And when I was laying in bed last night and this morning, thinking about the previous night and all my accomplishments, I felt so good. I just felt... happy. And at peace. It's a nice feeling that I haven't felt enough in my life.
I've decided I don't care if that sounds so stupid to everyone else. I've decided I need to accept what I find difficult and celebrate when I do these things and they go well. I need to stop comparing myself to others and getting frustrated that others can go out to new places and talk to new people easily while I find it extremely anxiety-inducing. I am getting better at it. I know that and that is good and, at least for now, I am happy with what I can do and the achievements I'm making, whether petty to others or not.
Also, I've decided I need to find a creative outlet again. I need to do something when I'm home, instead of just watching TV and scrolling through the internet. I need to cook more again. I haven't done a lot lately, which is sad. I need to experiment with healthy baking and cook and read and play music and just get back into my hobbies. Seriously, I need more of a life, even when I'm just at home alone...
I'm not sure where else I was going with this post, so I'll probably leave it here. If I leave the tab open thinking, "I'll write something else," I'll end up coming back to it when I go to bed and am turning the computer off and will never post this, so farewell!
