Sitting in an Economics Lecture, Running Around Campus, Finding Yourself in a Shopping Complex and Never Making it to Music

For years I have had this recurring dream around the same time every year. Now, the dream is never exactly the same, but has always had the same theme.

Every year for years, a week or two before school starts, I have a dream of being late to my first day of school. I usually have so many things to do that I'm late by the time I finish them, the things I have to keep piling up, or I simply can't find my school or classroom. The more I try to get there, the later and later it gets. I don't know how the dreams usually end, but I don't think I've ever really made it to school.

My parents know about this and we'd been talking this year, when my brothers went back to school, about how I hadn't had this dream yet, because I graduated school. We'd all wondered if I would have one about being late to university though.

That happened last night- just over a week before university starts. I dreamt that I was at uni and met a girl. We talked and I decided to sit in on her lecture (because my Music lecture wasn't starting for another hour or so). Her lecture was something like Business or Economics. Half way through, I realised that my Music lecture actually did start at the same time as this one and I was about 30 minutes late. I left the lecture and went to find my Music one. I thought I knew where the classroom was, but ended up getting lost and I found myself surrounded by museums and art galleries and, at one point, shops (I think there was a toy shop). I saw a guy from my class at school and he was in a wheelchair with his foot bandaged up. I had to try and help him a little, but I really just wanted to leave because I was so late. Eventually, I realised where I was supposed to be and got myself to the food court, where it was raining and I ran through it, joined by one of my friends (I have no clue who). I finally found myself near the building that the Music lecture would be in, but it was time that the lecture would finishing. I decided I'd talk to the lecturer, explain my story and ask him what I missed. First, the building was near the water and I was near a young, pretty woman who was obviously a Music lecturer giving out assignments to her young, pretty students, but she was not my lecturer. That is all I remember before I woke up...

This is, oddly enough, the usual kind of "format" for my Late Dreams. Needing to get to class, not being able to find it, having things to do, becoming later and later, never getting there.

I've read that dreams of being late represents a fear of change. This makes sense to me. I've never been a huge fan of change and it would make sense that I'm fearing it now. My life is changing a lot and this year has barely begun, but so many things have changed already and I have already had a lot of trouble dealing with some of them.

I've started cleaning more. A lot more. I have found myself liking cleaning now and it makes me feel happier. I know this is unhealthy though, with my small knowledge of Psychology and Psychopathology, but I am also having a lot of trouble getting myself to change. Well, I don't find it hard to change, as such. I find it hard to change myself into the person I'd like.

Increasingly every day, I cannot wait until the day I can finally pack up and move to New York City. I will buy myself an old, small apartment, unpack all my things, find myself a job I love, make new friends and just live a new life being the person I want. I know it's a hard dream to get to, but it's the only dream I have right now and I feel like someday, with a lot of work, I might just be able to get there. I think it would be good for me. It'd force me to be independent, which I want, and I'd be forced to meet new people, which is also important for me.

This past week I was part of a program at my university to introduce first year students to university life. We were put in groups, made to meet new people and giving lectures on everything from reading and writing to stress management. It was good for me. I mean, the lectures were boring and some things really freaked me out, but being forced to meet new people was important. I am very bad at that and I have always found it really hard and an uncomfortable thing to do, so it was good to be forced to do that. I still think it will be the hardest thing about university for me and I have already thought that it is likely I will be very study-orientated, but we'll see what happens, I guess.

Well, it felt kinda good to blog for the first time in months.