"If you close your eyes and listen close, you can hear the chapter close and it's all rebound it better clothes and you'll like the way this story goes."
Okey dokey, this blog is now taking on a different form. It shall hereby serve a purpose other than just being a place for me to write stupid, pointless rants.
It shall become a place of documentation. Documentation of my hopeful increased happiness.
These lyrics up the top are important to this. For months I thought they were relevant, but only the first part about the chapter closing. At the end of high school, it was like that. It felt like you could actually hear a book closing, defiantly saying that it was the end of that chapter. I have had many mixed feelings over whether I would/do like the "new story", but as I was thinking I realised, I don't think I've "heard" this chapter opening. I don't think I've really had a defining moment where I have heard this new book open and I think it's really important for me that that happens. Even if, right now, I'm not too comfortable with these new "clothes" and all, this new chapter is rebound in better clothes and I will like the way this story goes. I'm determined.
So, blogging is going to become a more weekly thing for me now. I will write about my week if I feel anything was worth talking about. At the end of each post I will document and count things I find important to feel happier.
For example:
- Amount of exercise (hoping to increase)
- Mild-serious anxiety (hoping to decrease)
- Number of new people spoken to (increase)
- Times I have felt good about how I looked before leaving the house (increase)
etc.
I will hopefully be able to see a decrease in the negative things and an increase in the positives.
I saw a thing in the newspaper about "happiness bloggers" and their blogs about... being happy in your life. One woman said she likes to make a list of things that make her happy and when you are feeling sad, upset, angry or just plain crappy, do something on that list. I'm going to make that list... Stay tuned for the official post.
So, basically, I'm deciding that bad stuff happens and it's OK that you get upset but you can get over it and you can decide to be happy, even if that bad stuff is still there inside you. That is basically what this is all about.
... Gosh, I am deep.
Sunday, 25 March 2012
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Well, I Like Pretzel Day...
So, through pure luck and wonderful timetabling, I have managed to score a day off today. My Tuesdays usually consist of a one hour tutorial and that is all. That tutorial is not on today.
This could not come at a better time. As of yesterday morning, I have come to the conclusion that I am sick. So, I now have ahead of me a lovely rest day. Yes, I have study to do, but studying at home is much better than being outside, around people in this rainy weather.
So far this morning I have watched "Shortest Celebrity Unions." Yes, I spent nearly an hour of my life watching a show about celebrities who divorce quickly. My goodness, it is awful. I mean, do they not get the concept of marriage? Oh well, it was entertaining. I kinda like hearing about celebrities' lives... and marriage... so it was good. I learnt stuff too. I never knew Macauley Caulkin got married. Granted, I didn't know who half the people on the show where anyway... If anything, I only ever knew half of the couple...
On Saturday I randomly decided to start watching The Office (US version for now... I do want to watch the original UK one too) as it has been all over my Tumblr dashboard for a long time. I had to see what it was about. I remember once my dad going on about how the Americans like to steal really good British shows and make their own version and it turns out sucking. I believe he used The Office as an example. I wonder if he's ever seen it, though, because I have to say- it is funny. I really like it and have been addicted since Saturday afternoon. This was bad as I had a test on Monday and told myself on Saturday night that I could not watch anymore episodes until after the test.
... I watched, like, 6 episodes on Sunday and one on Monday morning before leaving...
As a matter of fact, I'm about to watch an episode now.
Now, despite me loving this show and finding it very funny, I often feel depressed after watching it and I kind of know why. It is Jim's fault. Jim is my favourite character. He is probably the most normal character and is funny and nice and cool and awesome and adorable and in love with the receptionist who is engaged to another man and it just makes me all depressed and my emotions and I do not know.
I saw a guy at uni yesterday who kinda looked like Jim.
I was really close to the end of this episode and it froze. Sigh.
And now the next episode doesn't have a working link. My goodness the world and internet hates me. It is true.
The episode re-loaded and I finished it and Jim aaahhhhhh ditching the wedding to go to Australia and Pam is all sad and he's all not wanting to see her get married because he loves her and ah Jim. <- This is what this show does to me...
Oh well- next episode!
This episode froze in nearly the exact same spot as the last one. Coincidence? I think not!
So, people, I may have a job. That is my exciting news. I mean, I don't want to say it's a definite yet... My mother went to a bakery and heard a guy saying he'd bring his son in to apply for a job there and the bakery woman was all, "Ah, I'd prefer a girl...." and my mum asked her questions and said she'd bring me in on Saturday. So, I went in on Saturday, handed in my resume and the woman told me that it would be a good idea to write down all the stuff they sell and the prices, to start learning. I did that and organised that I will come in for a practice in Friday afternoon. If I do not epically stuff the practice up, I should be working at a bakery, slicing bread, sweeping floors and serving customers from about 7-12 on Saturdays (not sure about Sundays). Frankly, that sounds good to me and I hope I don't stuff it up as a job would be great right now and I've been looking for months with no success. *fingers crossed*
I should really do some uni study now... Or watch more of The Office...
I don't want to read stuff.........
Um. I think that episode ended with a deep metaphor and if I interpreted it correctly, I may now want to cry.
I think this is going to be one of those posts that I just keep here all day and write random junk in until I have to leave the computer (or go to bed) and I finally post it. It shall be the story of my day. Tuesday the 20th of March 2012.
Can you believe it's already the 20th of March? I cannot...
Yesterday I was thinking about how nearly three months of this year have already gone by. I had so many expectations for this year. For it to be so much better than 2011, for so many things to change and get better. None of my expectations have really come true. I have had a lot of bombshells dropped on me and a lot of stuff has gone done yet, somehow, I have made it through nearly 3 months.
I survived 2011 and have survived three very interesting and tough and unexpected months of 2012. Well, unless I die in the next week, but I'm hoping that doesn't happen...
Let's hope I can survive the next 9 months too.
Um. I am now up to the Season 2 finale and I know what happens and I shall cry and/or feel depressed for the rest of the day. Should be fun.
I've grabbed myself a handful of M&Ms and am ready to watch this. Well, not really... emotionally.
... I watched it. I'm crying. It was an awful ending and now I don't think I can leave and not watch episode 1 of Season 3. But I must leave. I have study to do. I feel sick. And sad. And I'm teary. And asdfghjkl Jim. He will be the death of me. Until I finish this show and watch another one and get so emotionally attached to another character and then they will kill me. It is the story of my life.
I just found the new How I Met Your Mother. Dang it. I had told myself I would do some Psych readings and not watch The Office (as my heart has been broken enough and I vaguely know what happens next episode and my heart will be shattered) but now I must see new HIMYM.
... These readings are so boring and I do not care and I just want to watch HIMYM and The Office and not do work because this is boring. BORING.
I studied. For, like, 45 minutes or something and watched HIMYM.
Well, some old episodes of Friends are on soon and I have some more reading to do, I guess...
You know what I really enjoy doing? Cooking. I used to just like to bake cakes and cookies but I really like cooking dinner for the family too. I don't quite know what it is, I just like to cook. I mean, it is really nice to cook food for people, have them eat and be happy and tell you it tastes good. I guess it's like anything else... Performing music is great because it's so nice when people tell you you sounded good. It's nice to hear people say what you did is good and I never cook disgusting food so, even if they don't love what I cooked, they never hate it.
... Jim doesn't return to Scranton till the end of season 3?!?!?! I cannot handle that!! THE SCRANTON BRANCH SUCKS SO HARD WITHOUT HIM. ASDFGHJKL.
I do not know how I fell in love with a character so quickly.
I have a theory! The more frequently you become emotionally attached to characters, the quicker it happens. For example, it probably used to take me a little while to become so emotionally invested in characters. Now however, there is basically at least one character per TV show/anime that I am emotionally invested in and now, it barely takes anytime to fall for a character. For example, I'm pretty sure I had invested all of my emotions into Jim by the end of episode 1. This is an extremely unhealthy habit and is sure to have serious consequences. But oh well. Such is life.
I'm about to do some more Psych reading and I must say, although I do not want to read it and most of what I've read is not very interesting, my textbook smells nice.
END OF POST FINALLY NOW.
This could not come at a better time. As of yesterday morning, I have come to the conclusion that I am sick. So, I now have ahead of me a lovely rest day. Yes, I have study to do, but studying at home is much better than being outside, around people in this rainy weather.
So far this morning I have watched "Shortest Celebrity Unions." Yes, I spent nearly an hour of my life watching a show about celebrities who divorce quickly. My goodness, it is awful. I mean, do they not get the concept of marriage? Oh well, it was entertaining. I kinda like hearing about celebrities' lives... and marriage... so it was good. I learnt stuff too. I never knew Macauley Caulkin got married. Granted, I didn't know who half the people on the show where anyway... If anything, I only ever knew half of the couple...
On Saturday I randomly decided to start watching The Office (US version for now... I do want to watch the original UK one too) as it has been all over my Tumblr dashboard for a long time. I had to see what it was about. I remember once my dad going on about how the Americans like to steal really good British shows and make their own version and it turns out sucking. I believe he used The Office as an example. I wonder if he's ever seen it, though, because I have to say- it is funny. I really like it and have been addicted since Saturday afternoon. This was bad as I had a test on Monday and told myself on Saturday night that I could not watch anymore episodes until after the test.
... I watched, like, 6 episodes on Sunday and one on Monday morning before leaving...
As a matter of fact, I'm about to watch an episode now.
Now, despite me loving this show and finding it very funny, I often feel depressed after watching it and I kind of know why. It is Jim's fault. Jim is my favourite character. He is probably the most normal character and is funny and nice and cool and awesome and adorable and in love with the receptionist who is engaged to another man and it just makes me all depressed and my emotions and I do not know.
I saw a guy at uni yesterday who kinda looked like Jim.
I was really close to the end of this episode and it froze. Sigh.
And now the next episode doesn't have a working link. My goodness the world and internet hates me. It is true.
The episode re-loaded and I finished it and Jim aaahhhhhh ditching the wedding to go to Australia and Pam is all sad and he's all not wanting to see her get married because he loves her and ah Jim. <- This is what this show does to me...
Oh well- next episode!
This episode froze in nearly the exact same spot as the last one. Coincidence? I think not!
So, people, I may have a job. That is my exciting news. I mean, I don't want to say it's a definite yet... My mother went to a bakery and heard a guy saying he'd bring his son in to apply for a job there and the bakery woman was all, "Ah, I'd prefer a girl...." and my mum asked her questions and said she'd bring me in on Saturday. So, I went in on Saturday, handed in my resume and the woman told me that it would be a good idea to write down all the stuff they sell and the prices, to start learning. I did that and organised that I will come in for a practice in Friday afternoon. If I do not epically stuff the practice up, I should be working at a bakery, slicing bread, sweeping floors and serving customers from about 7-12 on Saturdays (not sure about Sundays). Frankly, that sounds good to me and I hope I don't stuff it up as a job would be great right now and I've been looking for months with no success. *fingers crossed*
I should really do some uni study now... Or watch more of The Office...
I don't want to read stuff.........
Um. I think that episode ended with a deep metaphor and if I interpreted it correctly, I may now want to cry.
I think this is going to be one of those posts that I just keep here all day and write random junk in until I have to leave the computer (or go to bed) and I finally post it. It shall be the story of my day. Tuesday the 20th of March 2012.
Can you believe it's already the 20th of March? I cannot...
Yesterday I was thinking about how nearly three months of this year have already gone by. I had so many expectations for this year. For it to be so much better than 2011, for so many things to change and get better. None of my expectations have really come true. I have had a lot of bombshells dropped on me and a lot of stuff has gone done yet, somehow, I have made it through nearly 3 months.
I survived 2011 and have survived three very interesting and tough and unexpected months of 2012. Well, unless I die in the next week, but I'm hoping that doesn't happen...
Let's hope I can survive the next 9 months too.
Um. I am now up to the Season 2 finale and I know what happens and I shall cry and/or feel depressed for the rest of the day. Should be fun.
I've grabbed myself a handful of M&Ms and am ready to watch this. Well, not really... emotionally.
... I watched it. I'm crying. It was an awful ending and now I don't think I can leave and not watch episode 1 of Season 3. But I must leave. I have study to do. I feel sick. And sad. And I'm teary. And asdfghjkl Jim. He will be the death of me. Until I finish this show and watch another one and get so emotionally attached to another character and then they will kill me. It is the story of my life.
I just found the new How I Met Your Mother. Dang it. I had told myself I would do some Psych readings and not watch The Office (as my heart has been broken enough and I vaguely know what happens next episode and my heart will be shattered) but now I must see new HIMYM.
... These readings are so boring and I do not care and I just want to watch HIMYM and The Office and not do work because this is boring. BORING.
I studied. For, like, 45 minutes or something and watched HIMYM.
Well, some old episodes of Friends are on soon and I have some more reading to do, I guess...
You know what I really enjoy doing? Cooking. I used to just like to bake cakes and cookies but I really like cooking dinner for the family too. I don't quite know what it is, I just like to cook. I mean, it is really nice to cook food for people, have them eat and be happy and tell you it tastes good. I guess it's like anything else... Performing music is great because it's so nice when people tell you you sounded good. It's nice to hear people say what you did is good and I never cook disgusting food so, even if they don't love what I cooked, they never hate it.
... Jim doesn't return to Scranton till the end of season 3?!?!?! I cannot handle that!! THE SCRANTON BRANCH SUCKS SO HARD WITHOUT HIM. ASDFGHJKL.
I do not know how I fell in love with a character so quickly.
I have a theory! The more frequently you become emotionally attached to characters, the quicker it happens. For example, it probably used to take me a little while to become so emotionally invested in characters. Now however, there is basically at least one character per TV show/anime that I am emotionally invested in and now, it barely takes anytime to fall for a character. For example, I'm pretty sure I had invested all of my emotions into Jim by the end of episode 1. This is an extremely unhealthy habit and is sure to have serious consequences. But oh well. Such is life.
I'm about to do some more Psych reading and I must say, although I do not want to read it and most of what I've read is not very interesting, my textbook smells nice.
END OF POST FINALLY NOW.
Saturday, 10 March 2012
Nobody Asked You, Patrice!
You know what I find somewhat interesting? How quickly moods can change. I mean, how one can go from being seemingly happy and fine with everything to wanting to cry their eyes out within the space of a minute or so.
That's what I have found anyway, especially in the past couple of days.
During the day at uni, I am all good. I am in classes, trying to learn, or trying to stay awake in the case of PSYC1040 (Research Methods & Statistics 1...). During breaks I usually see a couple of my friends, eat some lunch, go study in the library and after all my classes, I go home. I feel pretty good during the day, albeit usually tired. Then, once I get on the bus or train, my mood just... plummets. Especially the train, lately. It seems like, when I am around others, I can feel OK, but once I am left alone with my own thoughts, everything that has been upsetting me lately just pops into my head and doesn't leave until I'm surrounded by other people and activities.
I guess it's the fact that being at university, around people and learning distracts my mind but when I am alone, there is nothing to distract me.
So, there are a couple of things that have happened in my life in the past month or two that have been... hard to deal with and those are the things that have been jumping into my mind several times a day. When I think about it, the only word I can use to describe it is 'haunting'. Sounds kinda creepy... But, it feels like these things are haunting me. Especially one thing. It feels like this... 'person' is haunting me and will not leave me alone. I feel like the only thing that will get rid of it is some sort of closure, but I have no clue how to get that.
On Sunday I got some kind of closure about another that has been upsetting me and that isn't worrying me as much. It is still upsetting, but I am feeling better about it and trying to think that it will be OK.
I got some sort of closure about another thing on Friday and am slowly getting better in that regard.
That just leaves one thing...
I've told my mum about these things upsetting me and how I'm sick of feeling sad about them and how I feel I shouldn't still upset about them and she has told me that it's OK to be sad.
I mean, I know that, but there's a difference between not thinking it's OK to be sad and just being sick of it. I'm over it and do not know how I can get this stuff to stop haunting my mind.
----------------------------------------END DEPRESSING POST----------------------------------------------
So, I have finally found a new anime that I am really into and am slowly catching up with, which is really cool. It is called Ano Natsu de Matteru (Waiting in the Summer) and it is about a group of friends who meet a new girl and her strange friend and decide to film a movie together. The main guy has obvious feelings for the new girl who begins living with him but it turns out she is an alien, though no one knows yet (I've only seen 4 episodes). It is actually quite good and really quite funny. Also... LOVE TRIANGLES FTW, yo. I needed a romance-y anime, since the only other one I've been watching lately is Another which is horror.
OH! I forgot about Chihayafuru... I'm so behind in that. Even though I didn't love it, I feel like I need to finish it, even though I have my own ideas on how it will end... It's probably finished by now. Whoops.
Just checked and it's not finished yet, haha.
Well, I think I have to go cook risotto now... Mmm. Hopefully it is good :)
-------------------------------------------------MUCH LATER-------------------------------------------------------
My risotto was delicious :) I'm off to bed now as tomorrow I must arise for church and then go out for lunch to celebrate my grandmother's 82nd or 83rd (I keep forgetting) birthday :)
... And then come home and study *sigh*
That's what I have found anyway, especially in the past couple of days.
During the day at uni, I am all good. I am in classes, trying to learn, or trying to stay awake in the case of PSYC1040 (Research Methods & Statistics 1...). During breaks I usually see a couple of my friends, eat some lunch, go study in the library and after all my classes, I go home. I feel pretty good during the day, albeit usually tired. Then, once I get on the bus or train, my mood just... plummets. Especially the train, lately. It seems like, when I am around others, I can feel OK, but once I am left alone with my own thoughts, everything that has been upsetting me lately just pops into my head and doesn't leave until I'm surrounded by other people and activities.
I guess it's the fact that being at university, around people and learning distracts my mind but when I am alone, there is nothing to distract me.
So, there are a couple of things that have happened in my life in the past month or two that have been... hard to deal with and those are the things that have been jumping into my mind several times a day. When I think about it, the only word I can use to describe it is 'haunting'. Sounds kinda creepy... But, it feels like these things are haunting me. Especially one thing. It feels like this... 'person' is haunting me and will not leave me alone. I feel like the only thing that will get rid of it is some sort of closure, but I have no clue how to get that.
On Sunday I got some kind of closure about another that has been upsetting me and that isn't worrying me as much. It is still upsetting, but I am feeling better about it and trying to think that it will be OK.
I got some sort of closure about another thing on Friday and am slowly getting better in that regard.
That just leaves one thing...
I've told my mum about these things upsetting me and how I'm sick of feeling sad about them and how I feel I shouldn't still upset about them and she has told me that it's OK to be sad.
I mean, I know that, but there's a difference between not thinking it's OK to be sad and just being sick of it. I'm over it and do not know how I can get this stuff to stop haunting my mind.
----------------------------------------END DEPRESSING POST----------------------------------------------
So, I have finally found a new anime that I am really into and am slowly catching up with, which is really cool. It is called Ano Natsu de Matteru (Waiting in the Summer) and it is about a group of friends who meet a new girl and her strange friend and decide to film a movie together. The main guy has obvious feelings for the new girl who begins living with him but it turns out she is an alien, though no one knows yet (I've only seen 4 episodes). It is actually quite good and really quite funny. Also... LOVE TRIANGLES FTW, yo. I needed a romance-y anime, since the only other one I've been watching lately is Another which is horror.
OH! I forgot about Chihayafuru... I'm so behind in that. Even though I didn't love it, I feel like I need to finish it, even though I have my own ideas on how it will end... It's probably finished by now. Whoops.
Just checked and it's not finished yet, haha.
Well, I think I have to go cook risotto now... Mmm. Hopefully it is good :)
-------------------------------------------------MUCH LATER-------------------------------------------------------
My risotto was delicious :) I'm off to bed now as tomorrow I must arise for church and then go out for lunch to celebrate my grandmother's 82nd or 83rd (I keep forgetting) birthday :)
... And then come home and study *sigh*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)