A Post About Fear And Stuff...

I was doing a walk with my family through a national park today and I realised that, while doing these kinds of walks or hikes, I always look down at the ground. Once I look up and look at the trees and bushes, I freak out that a wild animal will jump out at me. Stupid, I know, but this got me thinknig about things that freak me out. So, here's a list of things that freak me out, gross me out, creep me out or are genuine phobias of mine. Enjoy.

1. Heights- Always been my biggest fear. I hate heights. As a result, I have a fear of many other things, solely because they are high. I hate looking up at tall buildings and I hate standing on the top floor of tall buildings. Well, I'm OK as long as I don't stand near the window and look out, of course. My immense fear of heights definitely stops me from doing many things in my life.

2. Pitch black darkness- Again, always a big fear of mine. It has definitely become less prominent in the past year or two, which is good. I cannot sleep in pitch black and cannot walk or do anything. I just hate the feeling of not knowing exactly what is around me.

3. Things that fly- Now, I don't mind bugs. I actually kinda like them. I can tolerate beetles and even cockroaches, but as soon as a bug flies, it freaks me out. I hate flying bugs. Even flies. The slower it flies, the more it freaks me out. Whenever there's a big fly around that flies real slow around me, it freaks me out. I also don't like dragonflies. Well, I really like them in theory, but they either fly really fast, or really slow. *shudder* Now, strangely enough, I don't like butterflies. Again, they're nice in theory. They are pretty and all, but they just fly past you so quickly and it takes you be surprise and always gives me a fright. So, it turns out, if something flies really slow or really fast, it freaks me out. I don't like birds all that much either.

4. Speed- I don't know, I don't like moving awfully fast. I mean, I'm not like overly worried about it, I just don't like being in things that move really quickly, like a speeding car or something.

5. Rollercoasters- OK, actually, pretty much any theme park ride. It goes along with the fear of heights and speed. I have only been on like, two rollercoasters ever and they are children's ones. They were fun, though. I just can't get over my fear of them, despite the peer pressure of my friends and the boredom that ensues waiting for people on rides. I just cannot overcome it.

6. Public Speaking- One of my worst fears. The moment I find out that I have an oral assignment for English in the coming weeks/months, I start freaking out. Seriously, I freak out more in the weeks before the speech than in the night before. I shake and cry (thankfully not at school) and my voice wobbles and I stutter and it isn't pretty. Even though I know that 99% of the people in the classroom aren't listening and don't give a damn about what I'm saying or what I look like, it terrifies me.

7. Phones- I won't answer them, call anybody on them or leave a message. If I have to, I check the number at least 5 times, type it into the phone and check it a similar amount of times, I will practice exactly what I'm going to say many times, pace the room and my hands will be shaking. I hate leaving messages nearly as much. I have gone through that whole ordeal to get an answering machine several times. Despite the fact that it was an important phone call and I'll have to call them again, I never leave messages. I am not quite sure why. I think the thought of people listening to my voice at a later time, where I can no longer have any control over the situation is what scares me. The only thing I'm OK with doing on a phone is texting. Some people will be all, "OK, just call me with the details for blah blah blah," and I'm like, "Yeah, I'll text you..."

8. Ordering things from shops alone- Now, this isn't a fear per se, but I hate doing it and it kinda freaks me out. I've gotten better over the past year, in a way though. A year or two ago, I would never ever go up to the counter at McDonald's and buy an ice cream cone alone. My parents hate this. When I do, however, I practice what I'm going to say in my head multiple times and I usually (if it's a fast food place or similar) stare at the menu, as if reading what I want off it, even though I'm just avoiding the eye contact of the cashier. Nowadays, I usually force one of my brothers to come with me, because I hate standing around these kind of places alone.

9. Clowns- Yeah. I know, pretty common these days, but they are creepy! I don't have a full on fear of clowns, they just creep me out.

10. Those street performers who stand still making you think they're statues until they move- Oh gosh, I hate them. Whenever I see a statue that looks like it could possible be real, especially in the city, I walk as far away from it as possible. I once saw this street performer dude who was like this and freaked out these two teenage girls and they squealed and laughed and then he started kinda following them (to freak them out more or whatever) and I'm pretty sure he started touching one girl's hair. I was out of there as quick as possible them. I hate those guys, they freak me out.

Now, these are all of the non-depressing, serious kinds of fears I can think of right now. Most of this was written over a week ago, but I kept getting stuck and forgetting things. When I was actually thinking about this, on the bush walk, I thought of so many, but I'm forgetful, so whatever.

And now, for some random pictures courtesy of Google Images. These appear when you type "fear funny" into the search box:

I have no idea what this has to do with fear, but I found it funny...

12th-25th September 2011

I've been lazy and forgetful and lost my camera and then found it and then realised the batteries were flat and only had it charged yesterday, so don't judge me. And then my internet was being uber slow and wouldn't upload the pictures.

Firstly, the 12th-18th September. The 18th was my senior formal and this is one of the very few photos taken that do not have people in it, so here is a photo of the dessert I had. Tenuto Tuo and I shared half of our desserts with each other, as I didn't really like mine.

Bad quality, I know, but whatever.

Now, for the 19th-25th September. I went on two social outings this week :O One to IKEA with Tenuto Tuo and one to the shops and movies with a friend I have previously mentioned and I believe I called her Old Friend. Here are some little toys I got on these adventures. The moose was 99cents from IKEA and the slappy frog thing was a prize from one of those arcade places. We played a junior basketball game for ages and got one each.

Alright, here are my photos of the past two weeks, finally!

You Give Love A Bad Name

Asdfghjkl. Don't ask. I am not quite sure what on earth my moods are doing. I was pretty happy and cool about an hour ago. I was eating an egg and lettuce sandwhich (I got the random craving on the drive home from school...) while watching random children's TV with my little brother.

How did this turn into me sitting in front of my computer feeling kinda depressed and with a face constantly like this:  -_- ? I do not quite know.

The lamp on my desk needs a new bulb. It's really ticking me off that I can't turn my light on now. And the birds outside need to shut up. Please.

I have free dress tomorrow. Crud. I don't want to go in free dress. Mainly because I  DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR. Mainly because I know that if I wear jeans, I'll get really hot by like, 3rd period. I know if I wear shorts, I'll be really cold until around 3rd period and really self-conscious all day. I'll wear jeans. I guess. I'd just wear my uniform but... I'd stand out more if I wasn't in free dress...

What do I wear as a shirt? Ack decisions. I am not in the mind space to make decisions. What am I in the mind space to do?

-Watch anime? No, it'll make me depressed about how I don't have the exciting, cool, romance-filled life of the protagonists in shoujo anime.

-Read manga? Probably the same. And I'll get frustrated with reading on the computer.

-Eat? I'll feel fat.

-Surf the web? Tried that. Even half-an-hour of Tumblr didn't make me feel better.

-Finish my music composition assignment? Hahaha. Wait. No. That's actually possibly the best thing to do...

You know you're in a bad, weird mood when the only thing you even slightly want to do is your assignment.

The more I listen to my music composition, the more bored I am and the less I like it. I am preparing myself for a C- grade.

I'm trying to make a Get Psyched Mix, inspired by Tenuto Tuo and Barney Stinson. So far, thanks to my lack of classic rock, I have four songs. Hard Rock Hallelujah- Lordi, Don't Stop Me Now- Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody- Queen and Livin' on a Prayer- Bon Jovi. I need more. Well, four songs are better than no songs.

Guess I'll listen to Die, Vampire, Die instead.

Then... I might watch that episode of How I Met Your Mother.

"TIPPY TURTLE!" Oh, this song. "In swoosh the vampires..."

"Oooh, you're song's derivative!"

"Morte, vampire, morte..."

Oh, this song is amazing.

So, the novel I'm reading for English Extension, The House of Mirth, just got really good today. Poor Gerty (how do you pronounce that? I feel sorry for this girl. She is so nice and my second favourite character, but she has such an ugly name) had Selden come over and she was so happy because she is in love with him. Turns out he just wanted to talk about Lily, who he is in love with, all night. Gerty got really depressed and was crying all night and couldn't help but hate Lily, even though they are good friends. Poor Gerty.

Anywho, HIMYM time because I'm finished music. I guess.

I've missed this show.

RANJIT!

American party friends of Barney. Oh, this show. This episode. My mood has lifted and the smiles are upon my face.

Ugh, that ending was so symbolic it makes one want to cry. Not really, but whatever.

HIMYM also makes me realise my dream, in a way. If you add HIMYM, Friends and the Korean Drama, Personal Taste, together, along with the house I've found and deemed My Dream House, you will find my dream. Anyway, that'll be talked about in another post because I hear TV and laughter outside.

5th-11th September 2011

Now, these photos are supposed to be representations of my previous week. Half the time, they are. The other half, they are photos of things in my room because I'm sitting at my desk at 9pm on a Wednesday night going, "AH! I FORGOT TO DO MY WEEKLY PHOTO!" Anyway, unfortunately for me, this tissue box represents my week. I've been sick all week and it's sucked. I have gone through a LOT of tissues.

Yeah. Uh. Meh. Eh. Totes. Yeah. Ya Mum.

^ That is how I responded to my brothers when asked how school was. They found this amusing and tried to tell me that it wasn't an appropriate answer because it didn't make sense. Pfft, whatever.

Anyone ready for a pointless point? I sure am. I felt the random urge to write one of my posts in which I share random, pointless things that are happening and going through my mind with all of you bloggers out there. This urge occurred to me while I was reading through my Music assignment. My assignment is boring me. That is not a good sign...

Doo-wop is such a funny name for a musical genre. I mean, yes, the name does really fit with the genre itself, but it's just one of those names that will never cease to make people laugh. It's hard to take it seriously. Like Wii. I mean, come on, whose bright idea was it to name a gaming console that? My family, mainly my immature father, still makes jokes. Can you blame him, though? It's called a Wii for goodness sake. Yes, it is awesome and fun, but it does not have a good name. Just sayin'.

So, in my assignment, I was talking about how this piece kind of fits into the genre of easy listening music. I then say, "it does not entirely fit into the genre of classical music." Classical music? What? I never once mentioned classical music. And why would I? Neither of the versions of this song are classical? I knew there was a reason I was proof-reading this.

Zez? Some guy's name was Zez? Really?

Actually, that's kinda cool...

WHY IS WIKIPEDIA THE ONLY SITE THAT IS HELPING ME WITH THIS ASSIGNMENT? I CAN'T REFERENCE THAT! ALL THE OTHER INFO HAS COME FROM MY HEAD! GAH.

What the hell internet? Really? No reputable sources for me? At all?

I could use an encyclopaedia or something. Yeah. Sure. I'll reference that. That's reputable and whatnot.

I am really bad with synonyms. I re-use the same word SO many times in assignments and exams. Serious. In one of my last English assignments, I said the word "chaos" a LOT, in this music assignment I am saying "light-hearted" and "intimate" a lot. That, my friends, is why Thesaurus.com has become one of my closest friends. Yes, I did capitalise the name of a website. That is because we are so well-acquainted and I have gained a new respect for Thesaurus.com, so it deserves a capital letter, as we all do.

Really, Thesaurus.com? Bosom? Buddy-buddy? I am not using those in my assignment. "This use of the acoustic piano adds to the bosom, buddy-buddy affect of this cover." No.

Inbred? Guess I'll stick with 'intimate'. It's OK, Thesaurus.com, we are still friends. Even though you failed me.

1074 words. I'm cool with that. Now to find some slightly reliable sources to make up a fake reference list.

Wait. I never have Music on Thursdays? Huh. You learn something new everyday. You'd think by week 9, Term 3, I'd know my timetable off-by-heart. But, this is the first year when I don't. I don't know why. Weird stuff.

Someone must be on the phone. The internet connection nearly dropped out. Why does it do this? WE DON'T HAVE DIAL-UP, DANGIT.

Oh. My. Gosh. Just put my hand on my knee and I swear it felt like something was just moving, squirming or swimming around under my skin. Kinda cool. I was just sitting here, with my hand on my knee and my face all O_O. Man, I have some serious issues.

I just played a couple of games of Wii tennis and a game of Wii bowling with my bros, as a study break. Man, I become competitive as when playing video games. I am not even that competitive usually. Seriously. Once I played Halo with my youngest brother and, well, basically, I sucked. Uber sucked. I couldn't control properly and whenever someone turned up, I'd shoot like a mad woman, but I'd miss. He kept killing me and I kept.. well, sucking. So, I started hitting him with a cushion yelling, "LET ME KILL YOU!" It was quite funny. Even he thought so. It's now known as The Halo Incident. Today, I lost of both tennis games, but didn't really care. I was a bit of a sore winner with the bowling, but they didn't care. Whenever I'd get a really good score, I'd be all, "OH! EAT THAT! MM!" and do this weird dance, butt-shaking thing.

Oh no. Here comes the part of the sickness where the eyes water randomly and uncontrollably while the nose is tingly and irritated.

DINNER TIME.

I really like couscous. I mean, I love rice. And, well, it's like mini-rice.

Why do I suddenly have an Adele song in my head? Random!

Anyway, tomorrow I have my "last" exam for this term. It's not actually my last because I have to do my Maths exam on Thursday. It was actually yesterday, but I was home sick. And that was fun. I'm serious. Lying on the couch watching TV and catching up on some much needed Doctor Who was really good. I wish I was able to skip the next few days. Anyway, I was going to go home after my exam tomorrow and celebrate/do SOME Maths revision, but now I've realised I should probably stay and try and finish off my Music Composition assignment that's due on Monday, seeing as though I've barely started it and last term, I got a C-, bringing my overall mark down to a B. I am trying to make this composition at LEAST B-. I would actually be SO happy with a B-. I swear, if I get an A- on my performing and analysing assignments and a B- on my composition, I will be a happy girl.

"Don't you remember-er-er-er-er-er-er-er-er-er?"

OK. 2 minutes until I said to myself, internally of course, that I would go and get my father's assistance with Physics.

I really wish I didn't have to do Maths on Thursday. I want my exams to be over after Physics tomorrow. I want to be able to come home and chill and be happy and waste an hour or two watching the Korean drama I started on Friday and am addicted to already, despite only seeing one episode. I fell in love with the main character. It was weird. She is some goofy, somewhat pathetic (well, that's how others see her), loner chick who is unlucky with love, but she actually opened my eyes a little and showed me what I want my life to be like. Weird, but yeah, now I have a dream. My dream involves skipping the next four or so years, because I have no CLUE how I'm going to get there, but it's OK. Seeing as though it's now 2 minutes AFTER my designated time for Physics help, I will not describe my dream here. I will do that... some other time. PHYSICS TIME.

Alright. One hour revision with my dad and I am understanding stuff. Whoop. I finally get the right hand grip rule and palm rule. YES!

Thanks to my flu, my voice has gone weak and squeaky. It's kind of amusing, but it'll be annoying at school...

I don't think I have anything else to say and I really want to change the look of this blog, so bye y'all.

29th-4th August/September 2011

This week I had the most anticipated and most important test of my schooling life which determines how and where I can get into university next year. It was actually alright and I preferred doing this stupid exam over going to a normal day at school. This is one of the bags of equipment I could bring into one of the exams. It was quite strict.