No Comprende

So, I have recently come to the conclusion that I do not understand anything. Really, nothing. Life, death, the afterlife, people, relationships, thoughts, emotions- nothing. I don't even understand why or how I don't understand anything. What does that even mean?

I'm going to try and keep this as non-depressing as possible, though, so don't freak, y'all.

I was back at school today, after a two week holiday. The day was pretty good, but I wanted to be out of there, almost as soon as I'd arrived. Now, you see, I am also a person full of conflicting feelings and contradictions. I want to go to university next year, but I really, really, really badly do not want to go as well. Ever. I want to get the heck out of school, cause I hate it, but I don't want to leave everything there and I don't know if I'll be able to.

I am also an overly sentimental person. I keep so many things because they have some sort of significance to me and I love to pull them out every now and again and look at them and re-live some memories. School is the place that holds the most memories for me, apart from home I guess (well, my old house. Only been in this one a year...). I mean, 11.5 years carries a lot of memories. 9.5 of those years were spent in the same school. Surrounded by some of the same students and teachers. I still have 4 people in my grade that were in my class when I arrived at this school in grade 3. Sure, I barely talk to any of them and I only kinda get along with 2 of them, but still.

Now, heaps of people say, "High school are the best years of your life."I really hope they're not. Not that my 4.5 years at high school, so far, have been all that bad, they just haven't been wonderful. Now, I've made great friends and had some great memories. Nothing too traumatic but there were no singular moments that really stand out as The Best High School Memories, or anything. There are some great memories though.

Oh, man. I swear I posted a list of things I wouldn't miss about school earlier this year. I'm looking through my old posts, but I can't find it, because I name all of my posts stupid, random, unrelated things. Dang me and my individuality attempts!

I'm over my rant now. It's left me. Be happy. I feel like just saying other stuff now.

So, so far, this has been my afternoon (after school):
- Come home.
- Eat a mini ice-cream, lollipop and Freddo while scrolling through Tumblr.
- Search for places to watch/download the latest How I Met Your Mother episode.
- Download said episode.
- Watch said episode.
- Go make fairy bread.
- Open Music Extension assignment with the intention of doing something.
- Eat said fairy bread while staring at the hundreds & thousands thinking about how cool they look and how detailed and coloured they look when you actually properly look at them.
- Get kinda depressed for no real reason while doing this.
- Open Blogger.
- Blog.

Really? It's nearly 6 o'clock and that's all I've done. I KNOW I have two assignments due on Thursday and Friday. I KNOW I have Maths homework due tomorrow. I KNOW I have a flute exam in two weeks and a band rehearsal tomorrow. Yet, I'm not doing anything productive. Seriously. I don't even know why. Like, I know what else I need to do on my MusExt assignment and I think I can finish it relatively soon. I've opened it and looked at it and I just can't bring myself to write anything. It's not even the Voice of Procrastination saying, "Pfft. You can do it later..." I want to do it now and I know I can if I start. But I can't start. Asdfghjkl.

Just read an old post where I was talking about how excited I was to read my English Extension novel. Hahaha! I have the assignment due on it on Thursday and I am still 3/4 of the way through the book! Good book, just, not quite great enough to get me to finish it...

I realised that my blog is a great way to fuel my sentimentality. I can read these posts and just read about days that were pretty insignificant in the long run, but meant something at the time and it really does make me remember random school days that I would have otherwise forgotten. For example, a seriously funny Physics lesson with Miss Invisible would have been a highlight of a certain day. I would go home and blog. I read those 6-month-old posts now and laugh and remember the lesson. Maybe, in a few years, I can read my blog again and see what I was like for my senior year of schooling. And remember random days.

Oh dear. Now I'm getting so sentimental I want to cry. Daayyuuummmn. A two-syllable damn. HIMYM references FTW. I genuinely hope that, when I am older and independent and whatnot, I have a group of friends like them. Not exactly like each of them (I don't want a Barney. He's funny and all, but I'd kill him in real life), but their dynamic and the way they laugh at each other and joke around and help each other out cause they actually care. Also, I want to have something and call it Swarley. If you've seen HIMYM, you'd get it. I remember, a year or so ago, and old friend and I were talking and she was telling me that she'd named her guitar Swarley and that it was a HIMYM reference. I hadn't seen the show then, so I didn't get it. Now, I so get it and love it and I want to name something Swarley. Or Swarls Barkley. Mmm, Swarls Barkley. Gosh, I love that episode.

I was reading about jazz and why it was controversial when it was first introduced. The only source I've seen so far says it was condemned for being too sexual, or something. That is not going to go down well in my assignment. It doesn't even help my argument...

All this stuff I'm trying to read now is boring. So boring. I really don't care why jazz was controversial. Why must it be relevant to my assignment? Hm?

I can't reference something written in 1959, can I? WDFKGLNFHOPELDSKMFJNBGKFLD. KEY BOARD SMASH.

I also love reality TV. But, mainly reality TV game shows. Here's a list of the ones I love to indulge in watching, despite being lame, sometimes:
Masterchef, Junior Masterchef, Biggest Loser (less and less lately though), The Farmer Wants A Wife (my guilty pleasure to watch with my mum), Beauty and the Geek, Come Dine With Me (four dinner parties and they all rate each other. Good stuff), Four Weddings (LOVE this show), Wife Swap (no competition as such, but still one of the best shows, like, ever). I also love any reality show about weddings. Any. Especially, Don't Tell The Bride. Oh! I also do like to watch a little Toddlers and Tiaras, if only to rant about society, but.. well, I find it funny. Wow. I really love reality TV. Hm. Coolbeans.

I use the word 'commonplace' a lot in this assignment. Oh, only 7 times. Not as any as I would have thought.

1658 words. Daaannnngggg. Nearly 400 more. *sigh*

Don't you love that moment when you're searching for the photocopies of a really important reference for your assignment and you can't find them? Hallelujah I found them, though. Let's get referencing!

The even better moment when you found these references to get the page numbers used, but they don't have page numbers on them and, if they do, your photocopying cut them off. How am I supposed to correctly reference now? Huh?

I remember the pages being around 76-ish? Is it OK for me to make that up? Is anyone actually going to go find that book and check?

So, I need to write some concluding thing now, practice flute for band tomorrow for about 10 minutes before going to watch Packed to the Rafters with my parents, while doing my Maths homework. This is what you get when you spend over 2 hours eating and on the internet...

OK. Before I do that, this flute guy I'm watching is amazing. I mean, who memorises a veryyy difficult (I'm looking at the score. Like, holy cow this is hard stuff!) 10 minute piece and plays it this well, with a large ensemble and all while wearing such a niiice suit. I've developed a thing for suits, but that's not relevant. This guy is great. I applaud him on his greatness. Aw, a lady gave him flowers and he looked all modest and embarrassed, n'aww.