So, I'm going to try and not rant about this, but the recent episode of How I Met Your Mother has really stuck with me and I think it always will. The basic premise was the fact that Robin thought she was pregnant with Barney's child and she was narrating, in the same way Ted always does, to her children in the future. She then finds out she is not pregnant and is very excited as Robin has never wanted kids. She then finds out that she is actually unable to ever have kids and this basically breaks her. She is extremely upset because, despite the fact that she never wanted children, she always had that option, in case she ever changed her mind, and now it is gone. She then says to her "future children", "The truth is, I'm glad you guys aren't real," and they fade away. This is the moment that every fan's heart broke. She refuses to tell any of her friends what is going on. In the end, despite not knowing what is wrong with her, Ted creates an amazing Christmas display in their apartment and just hugs her as she cries. It brought tears to my eyes.
Anyway, this got me thinking about what I want in my life. Ever since I've started watching this show, I've kinda looked up to the character of Robin as inspiration. Independent, career-driven woman who wants to travel. Now, I am not overly career-driven yet as firstly, I have no job and, secondly, I have no clue what I want my job to be in the future, but I do want to be a traveling independent woman someday, like her.
I don't know about children. There is something I see in mothers lately that makes me just never want to be one. I don't know why. I feel like it just... slows you down or something. You can't be an independent, career-driven, traveling woman once you have kids... Sure, that's great for many women. A family is what they want, but I am conflicted now. I have never, before this year, considered not having kids in my lifetime and I still think that, one day, I will be married with children. I just think it'll be later than I ever thought when I was younger.
I want to get out and be young and travel and get a good career before all that. My mum told me recently that I should have kids young because then I'd have the energy to look after them and stuff like that. But... my mum got married at 22 or 23 and had me at 25. That was pretty normal then but it seems so young to me now. If I did as my mum did, I honestly don't have very long before I should be getting married... Of course, my parents were friends in Year 12 and they got together on their Schoolies week. I sure didn't follow in their footsteps there...
I was talking to my mum the other day about the Bucket List I'm writing (it's a draft post, I'm not finished yet). I told about my dream to one day live in New York. You see, I want to visit Japan, Canada and Spain, but I want to live in New York City one day. The thought of it excites me. I don't know for how long. Even if only for a year before coming back here, I don't care. I don't just want to visit there, because that wouldn't allow me to soak up all of the culture. It's the culture of actually living there and being a New Yorker that grabs me. I don't want to pass through and go to all the big tourist destinations, I want to see all the little things that are an everyday for New Yorkers. I want to hail taxis in the street, I want to go to some little cafes or bars and live in an apartment and so much more. My biggest dream though would be that I have to spend at least one Christmas living in New York. I want to have Christmas there. My parents said that, if I'm living in NYC for Christmas, they're coming to visit me. It would be amazing.
These are the kinds of things I want to do before I "settle down" and have kids. I don't know why I'm thinking about it and worrying now, though. I have years to figure all of this out. I've just got to chill out and see what I want as I go along.
Anyway, I'm getting my hair dyed red this afternoon and I had a bad dream where it didn't turn out how I wanted last night... I woke up freaked out. I'm sure it'll be fine... I hope *fingers crossed*.
Well, I'm hungry, so bye!
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