On Monday, in my RAVE (Religion and Values Education) class, my teacher got us to think about primary school and memories from each year at high school, as we are graduating super soon. He then got us to write advice to our past selves and students from younger grades at our school. It made me want to write a letter to my former self, before I start high school. Yes, this could be sappy and emotional and maybe depressing, but it will hopefully kind of take my mind off other things that I am restraining myself from blogging about...
Dear Former Me,
So, you're starting high school now. It's not as scary as you are thinking. It's also scarier than you are thinking. So many things are going to change for you, so get ready. Right now, you hang out with one friend. That's going to change, but it's OK. Right now, you're 12 years old and you've got to spend another 5 years here. There are a lot of new kids in your class this year. So many new faces. You know those two boys you saw in your form class? They always stood next to each other and your first impression of them was, "They're weird!" Don't judge them too harshly. They will become two of the most important and influential people in your life over the next 5 years. One of them will become one of your best friends in the world. I'm not even kidding. You see those two girls near the front? One of them you've met before. You and you current best friend decided you didn't want to hang with her, because you liked hanging as a pair. She will become very important to you. You will become very close over the next 3 or so years. Yes, you will drift apart, you'll both change and you will miss her so much, but she will make a big impact on you. The girl next to her? The one you thought was a year younger than you? The one you had seen a few times last year and thought was really weird? Yes, she
is really weird, but she will become one of the best people you've ever met and one of the most important people in your life and you will need her so much in these next 5 years. The girl you've known for 2 years and been on and off friends with? Yes, that will continue this year, but you'll get closer and you'll love her so much and wish you'd never had issues with her in primary school. Now, the girl you're with right now? Your best friend? Many, many things will happen with her. Many things you will regret. Many things you will wish you could change. So many things will change with her, but she will end up being another one of your closest friends and it'll seem like none of that ever happened. That skinny boy you sometimes hung out with in primary school? Another one of your best friends ever. You'll love him.
School. You think it's kinda hard and stressful now? Get used to it. It gets worse. Every year. But don't worry, you can do it. You'll be fine. You'll get different teachers, better teachers, teachers who care and will help you. You'll end up LOVING English. I know it terrifies you right now, but you'll love it in a couple of years, once you get through the horrors of Year 8 and 9 English. Yeah, the teachers for those years will suck and make you hate the subject, but hang in there. It'll get better, but SO much harder. Maths? You'll get worse. Maybe you'll care less or you'll focus on things you love more. Year 8 and 9 will be fine, but you'll drop from there. It's OK, it's not important enough to worry about. Science? Wow, that'll change. You love it now. You love your science teacher and science in general. In the next 3 years you will continue to love it. You'll get As. You'll be one of the teacher's favourite. Biology/Science will be one of your best subjects. In Year 11, it'll bore you, the teacher will bug you, and you'll lose all love. You'll find a new love- Physics. I know that you will never imagine yourself doing it now, but you'll like it and you'll do pretty well at it. In senior school, it'll be one of your favourite subjects. In Year 11, you will go through serious emotional turmoil choosing whether to do Physics or Biology in Year 12. I tell you now- CHOOSE PHYSICS. Don't worry about the fact that your friends all do Biology. Don't worry about the fact that you get As in Bio and Bs/Cs in Physics. It doesn't matter. You will like Physics so much. You will find it the only subject you don't dread going to for all of Year 12. It will be hard, but you will feel so proud of yourself when you do well. SO PROUD. Chinese? Yeah, you'll continue doing it till Year 11. The class will be tiny and you'll get a new teacher. At first, you'll be sad, and you'll find the new teacher annoying, but you'll learn to like her. She will be a good teacher and you will learn a lot. Try harder in Year 11. Don't complain about it, you'll miss it and all the fun times SO much in Year 12. Treasure that subject.
The flute. You play it now, but you don't love it and you're not serious. Don't worry, it'll get so much better. You know how you're too scared to join the band now? That'll change too. Just wait a year. Next year, you'll be forced to join a band. I know that's scary and, next year, you'll seriously consider quitting flute because of this. DON'T DO IT. The flute, and instrumental in general, will become one of the biggest aspects of your life in high school. You'll get a new teacher next year. She will scare you and annoy you and make you wish you had your old teacher, all in the next lesson. Don't write her off just yet. She, again, will become one of the most influential people in your high school life. She'll make you love flute. And band. Seriously, you'll LOVE band. You'll section leader of the flutes. You'll also play tenor saxophone. I know that, now, you don't even know what that is, but you'll play it and like it and pretty good at it. You'll do exams (the ones you were too terrified to do before), you'll play in concerts in band and duets and solos, you'll play in Eisteddfods in band and solo and do really well. Yes, in a few years, you'll find the pressure so much that you'll begin hating your instruments. You will dread your lessons and have so much fear, but hang in there. It IS worth it. It gets better and you'll be so glad you stayed with it. In over 4 years, when you are in Year 12, you will be preparing for your Grade 5 Tenor Saxophone exam in a few weeks. You'll also be preparing for your GRADE 7 flute exam in October. That should be enough to help you stick with it.
You won't believe me now, but in Year 12, when you are 60 days from graduating high school for ever, you will be a lover of musical theatre, anime, Japanese and European music and you'll be planning to study Psychology at university next year.
Your friends will change. You will drift from the red-head girl in your form class, who you know from youth group. You will drift from your current best friend, and next year, you will not imagine ever being friends with her again, but you will. It's OK. Everything will be OK and you two will be closer than ever soon enough. That weird girl, the skinny boy and the two new weird boys will be so important. One of those weird boys will cause you SO many issues over the years. This year and the next two or so years, you will have so many problems with him. You will dislike him and you'll think he genuinely hates you. Try not to worry about what he thinks. It will get better, I can promise. You'll be friends. You will have a weird friendship and it won't be like your other friendships, but you'll find it just as important as any of them. Don't worry about what he thinks of you, though. Don't try and change yourself because he doesn't act like he likes you. Don't always take what he says to heart. This stuff will seem trivial in Year 12. There's a girl in the other Year 8 form class. You don't know who she is and you won't until next year. She will be in your form class and you will occasionally talk to her. You'll think she's nice and cool, but you won't be close. Yet. In Year 10, she will randomly come and sit with you and your friends. This will be a really, really good thing. She will have a big impact on you. She will change you, in a good way and become one of your closest friends, you just don't have a clue who she is yet and that's OK. Try not to fight too much with any of your friends You may all have differences and get on each others nerves, but you will need them in these next 5 years.
Now, there are some people in your grade who you'll never get along with. They are different from you and they might not like you. They will judge you because your small, quiet and 'nerdy'. Embrace that. Yes, you are shy now. You will get more confident. Now, you are too scared to talk to your teachers. You will have proper conversations with so many of your teachers in senior school. But back to those students. Don't let them get to you. Don't stoop to their level. Try not to take anything to heart and try to deal with it all maturely. Yes, they will make some times of the next 2 or so years Hell, but it's get so much better. They'll leave the school and everything gets better from then, I promise. Next year will be awful in this way, but they WILL leave and this WILL end. This is when you'll need that weird girl in your form class the most. The two of you will go through a lot but you will get through it and have a much stronger friendship after it.
Another friend you aren't close with now. She left this school in Year 5 or 6 and you don't really talk to her anymore. You sent a couple of letters after she moved school but you've drifted apart. Well, the red-head girl is going to move schools and become friends with her. You'll get back in contact and become so close. You won't get to see each other much and will rely on emails a lot, but you'll still be really close in Year 12. Don't ever overlook her.
Your family life will change so much in about 2 years. You will feel so many mixed feelings. You will wish you felt differently and you'll wish you reacted differently. I cannot think of much advice to give you. Basically, it's probably best not to pick sides, but just to be nice to both of your parents. Don't get annoyed when your brothers don't understand as much as you. Be there for them. Be nicer to your parents when your older. Learn to bite your tongue. Be a better sister. Your brothers are annoying but you need to control your temper and be better to your whole family. You'll start appreciating them soon. Don't be harsh on your brother just because he's different to you and you have more experience. Try and give him advice based on your experiences, don't get mad at him.
You will like a couple of boys in your high school years. I tell you, move on. Don't get caught up in it all. Don't make it more important than it is, because there will be so many more important things to come, and they won't be important to you at all.
You'll always hate PE. ALWAYS. But, sometimes it'll be fun. When the teachers let you play with your friends, you'll run around, you'll try and you'll have fun. Sometimes, it'll suck so much you'll want to cry, but sometimes it'll be so fun, that you'll be laughing until you cry. But don't worry, you'll find a god way to skip a lot of lessons :P
Now for some general things. Remember: High school isn't all there is. Don't get too caught up in everything. Don't underestimate how quickly it goes. Before you know it, you'll be in your third term of Year 12, and having to seriously think about your future. Don't underestimate yourself. If there's something you want, go for it. Don't be consumed with your fear. Don't change yourself for anyone. Don't act in a certain way, because your friends are. If you don't want to do something, don't let yourself be forced into it. Stand up for your beliefs. Don't drift from your religion- it'll be so important to you soon. Realise that you can have your own opinions and beliefs. You don't have to agree with everything your parents have ever taught you. You'll find that you think pretty differently to them. IT'S OK TO THINK DIFFERENTLY TO YOUR FRIENDS. You don't all have to be the same. Most importantly, be yourself. Who you are will change and that's OK, but make sure you always like who are changing into. If you are unhappy with what you're doing, how you're acting or who you're becoming CHANGE IT. When things are looking bad and like everything in life sucks- realise that it will get better and you will be fine.
From,
Your Future Self
Wow. That made me emotional. Seriously, I started crying a few times. Soon, I'll write one for my future self.
