Here is my post to review 2012 and my hopes for the coming year.
I had great hopes for 2012 this time last year because, frankly, 2011 sucked. Unfortunately, 2012 did not live up to these hopes, at least not in the first few months. It was almost as though 2012 was mocking me for believing everything could suddenly get better on January 1st, so the year through many various struggles at me. I think the worst part was that these big struggles were not spread out. When I think of 2012, I think of two major events that occurred in the life of my family, two difficult events that still trouble me and I hope never happen again, and both of these events occured in the space of a few months. Approximately 3 months. It makes it pretty hard to try and deal with two very emotional, draining, upsetting and confronting events at the same time.
I am one of those cheesy people that believes things happen for a reason. Maybe not every little thing but most things, yes. These events- definitely. I think they were meant to teach me lessons, about other people and about myself. I haven't figured out what those lessons were yet, but I have taken some good things away from them. I guess they both helped me realise what kind of person I want to be now and in the future. Maybe dreams I already had, but they were brought to the foreground. One of these events, may have brought me closer to realising a very real possibility for my future career in Developmental Psychology. Maybe not, but I have tried to look for the positives that can come out of these times.
I started and finished my first year of University and I am actually really quite proud of myself. I did it. I feel like, if I could do the first year without too many issues, I can totally finish a whole degree. I passed all my subjects and even did pretty well in a few of them. I made new friends. Not many, but for me that is a huge deal. Granted, they were all from Japanese class and I was pretty much a loner in all other courses throughout the year. Oh no, wait. I made a friend in my second year Psych course in 2nd semester, but she didn't turn up for the second half of the semester so I was still pretty loner-y. But I learn to not care about being a loner in most classes. I know I have friends. And, frankly, I like being on my own a lot. I like hanging with friends during class and chatting during the breaks, but I also quite like being alone. I do hope, however, to make some more friends this coming uni year.
I learnt to drive this year. Properly. Despite my dislike of driving and the anxiety it caused me, I got up all my hours and finally passed my test, just a couple of weeks ago. I do not have my own car yet, but having my Ps has really come in handy already and I'm so glad that my mum forced me to do it and that I also forced myself.
I became obsessed with new TV shows this year. I now that the fact that is a small highlight of my year makes me seem pretty pathetic, but I like TV, OK? Do not judge me! I started The Office and Community and became thoroughly obsessed with both. I recently decided they are my two favourite shows.
I started trying to be a healthier person this year with better eating and regular exercise and it has become a big part of my life. I still need to work towards a lot in those regards, mostly mentally, but I will get there.
That is my vague review of 2012 and now I will go over my hopes for 2013 which, honestly, I haven't thought much about.
Goals for 2013 written as though I am talking to myself:
1. GET A JOB. ASAP.
2. Become more independent. You am officially and adult now and although you still live at home with you parents, really try and achieve as much independence as possible in every other aspect of your life. Continue what you've started in the past month or so.
3. Learn to love yourself. This is probably the most important one. Stop comparing and worrying and getting really upset over your body and your appearance. Stop being so self-depreciating over these stupid things that don't matter. Stop thinking that you will be alone because of your body. Stop letting these awful, hateful thoughts and crazy anxieties fill your mind everyday. Focus on being as healthy and happy as you can possibly be.
4. Focus more on God. Don't just do it on a Sunday morning at church and when you pray before going to sleep. Read the Bible, pray more, sing more worship songs and don't forget about Him in your daily life. This one is the other most important.
5. Make more friends. It doesn't matter how many, but try and make conversations with people. When you see someone at uni in a class and you think they are interesting and you wish you could talk to them, stop wishing and do it. Try and hold a conversation and, if it goes well, try and start and maintain a friendship.
6. Even though you want to get out more, gain independence and act like the young adult you are, don't feel pressured into anything. Don't feel like you have to stay out till 3am and get drunk or whatever because friends want to or because it's what "normal" people your age do. Remember that it's OK to want to stay home at lie on the couch in your PJs watching reality TV shows with your parents. Just find a balance. Do those fun "young people" stuff so you don't miss out, but don't burn yourself doing so many social things that you end up not enjoying them at all. Think about what you really want to do.
7. Stop getting so frustrated with your body and its (relatively minor...) health issues. It is frustrating that it's taking so long to work out and fix, but it's going as fast as it can and you will feel much better eventually.
8. Read more. You always want to and you often start but it stagnates often. Look up books, go to the library and read all the unread books on your bookshelf.
9. Watch more movies. "Classic" movies that everyone has seen and I have not. Finish your Audrey Hepburn movies, watch those other ones on your list.
10. Cook even more. You love it, so do it more. Try new ingredients and try learning some techniques to get even better.
11. Run that 5k! It might seem really impossible right now, but there is really no reason you can't do it, just put your mind to it, think about how happy you'll be when you finish it and keep being positive.
12. Try and remember all your strategies for reducing anxieties etc. Take deep breaths, think positive thoughts, pay attention to your surroundings and, if your feeling upset for no apparent reason, do something you love. Watch an episode of one of your favourite shows and paint your nails, or bake a cake.
13. Try and keep better contact with some of the friends you, unfortunately and unintentionally, neglect. You know the ones...
14. Don't try and fit in. You know what you like, what you don't like, what you're comfortable with, your own limits etc. Don't try and change any of this because you think you should to fit in. Be yourself, girl.
15. Take more photos. Of anything and everything. Scenery, places you go, things you do, people you're with. Just capture the memories of 2013. Try and buy a new, good camera and take a photography course, like you've wanted to for years.
I think that's it. To sum up, happy New Year! Enjoy the holidays (esp. Aussie uni students) and have a great 2013!
Monday 31 December 2012
Monday 3 December 2012
The Politics of Human Sexuality
I was scrolling through Tumblr today, as I usually do, and came across a link for this thing called the "Kinsey's Sexuality Scale" or something along those lines. Anyway, it rates your sexuality on a scale from 1-6, with two exceptions. You answer a few true/false questions and it rates you on this scale:
0- Exclusively heterosexual
1- Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2- Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4- Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5- Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6- Exclusively homosexual
X- Non-sexual
F- The test failed to match you to a Kinsey Type profile. Either you answered some questions wrong, or you are a very unusual person
My result was X- Non-sexual. At first I was surprised, as I thought I would be 0, but then I realised it's pretty fitting for me. This doesn't mean I'm asexual (not attracted to either males or females), because I am attracted to males, just never in that way.
This may make me sound like some sad, innocent little girl, as opposed to a woman, but whatever. When I see someone and think they are attractive, any of those kind of thoughts never ever cross my mind. I generally want to like, talk to them, listen to them, learn all about them, learn their secrets, about their past, their dreams and like, hang out with them and maybe, hold their hand and hug them or something.
This post is named after an episode of Community (recently added to my list of favourite shows. Honestly, it's amazing. Watch it. Now), where the character of Annie deals with her... lack of sexuality and her innocence. Towards the end of the episode she proclaims that she doesn't care what other people say, she likes being uncomfortable with all that and being innocent etc. Basically, I am like Annie in that scene.
Friends of mine have often said things like, "Aaaaw, *insert my name here* you're so innocent/cute," with a little head shake, hug and laugh, as if I'm a little girl who is yet to grow up. Well, I don't think this "non-sexuality" means I am immature or needing to grow up. It's just me. And that's totally OK. I think it is entirely OK for me to be uncomfortable talking about these things. It's OK for me to be somewhat clueless but to have little interest in it. I'm proud to be one of the very few.
So, to conclude this seemingly random post, some words from the aforementioned Annie: "You know what? I don't want to express myself. I don't want to sit in a room full of people and say... the P-word. I like being repressed. I am totally comfortable being uncomfortable with my sexuality. And maybe, just maybe, if everyone were a little bit more like me, we wouldn't have to have an STD fair!"
0- Exclusively heterosexual
1- Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2- Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4- Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5- Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6- Exclusively homosexual
X- Non-sexual
F- The test failed to match you to a Kinsey Type profile. Either you answered some questions wrong, or you are a very unusual person
My result was X- Non-sexual. At first I was surprised, as I thought I would be 0, but then I realised it's pretty fitting for me. This doesn't mean I'm asexual (not attracted to either males or females), because I am attracted to males, just never in that way.
This may make me sound like some sad, innocent little girl, as opposed to a woman, but whatever. When I see someone and think they are attractive, any of those kind of thoughts never ever cross my mind. I generally want to like, talk to them, listen to them, learn all about them, learn their secrets, about their past, their dreams and like, hang out with them and maybe, hold their hand and hug them or something.
This post is named after an episode of Community (recently added to my list of favourite shows. Honestly, it's amazing. Watch it. Now), where the character of Annie deals with her... lack of sexuality and her innocence. Towards the end of the episode she proclaims that she doesn't care what other people say, she likes being uncomfortable with all that and being innocent etc. Basically, I am like Annie in that scene.
Friends of mine have often said things like, "Aaaaw, *insert my name here* you're so innocent/cute," with a little head shake, hug and laugh, as if I'm a little girl who is yet to grow up. Well, I don't think this "non-sexuality" means I am immature or needing to grow up. It's just me. And that's totally OK. I think it is entirely OK for me to be uncomfortable talking about these things. It's OK for me to be somewhat clueless but to have little interest in it. I'm proud to be one of the very few.
So, to conclude this seemingly random post, some words from the aforementioned Annie: "You know what? I don't want to express myself. I don't want to sit in a room full of people and say... the P-word. I like being repressed. I am totally comfortable being uncomfortable with my sexuality. And maybe, just maybe, if everyone were a little bit more like me, we wouldn't have to have an STD fair!"
Wednesday 28 November 2012
The Word Grateful Makes Me Think Of Grated Cheese...
So, yesterday afternoon my family and I went to visit some family friends we've known for years. We were sitting around chatting and found out that they are building a new house very soon. We looked at the plans and they described what it will be like and, frankly, it sounds amazing. Big bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, walk-in-robes, ensuites and a spa all on the north side of my city (Well, I'm pretty sure it's the north side... I'm slowly getting my head around the geography of this city and where all the suburbs are... Pretty sure I live on the south side... Or south west... I don't know...). On the way home I started thinking, "Why can't we build a big new house? Why can't I have my own walk-in-robe and ensuite? Why can't I live in the nice, bigger, higher class, inner city suburbs? Why do I have to live in a tiny house in a lower-middle class, super bogan area?" Seriously, my house is small. It takes like, less than a minute to give people a comprehensive tour of my home. You've seen half the house once you've walked in the door. It's a nice place and all, it's just pretty small. And my suburb's not that bad, it's just pretty bogan. All down the main road near my place, people sit in their garages with the doors open drinking beer in the evenings or coffee in the mornings. Seriously, do they not have kitchens? Anyway...
I realised this is not a good way to be thinking. I should not just sit around thinking about things I want and how much I wish I had different things to what I have. I mean, yes, there is a lot of benefit in wanting things. If you don't want anything, you're not going to change anything. Your life will stay stagnant and mediocre. But there is a big difference between wanting and wishing, I think. I think wishing doesn't have as much action in it. You sit around wishing you could have money, or a big house, but you don't do anything about it. You just become resentful and jealous. As said in I'm Not That Girl from Wicked, "wishing only wounds the heart."
Now, someday I want to go to New York City. I can do something about that. I can save my money, plan it all out and go. But, although I want to live in a bigger, nicer house in another part of this city, I can't do anything about that. I have no job, a small amount of money and I live with my parents. I can't do anything about where I live right now. So what is the point of wishing? Why not actually be happy with what I have?
So, I've given myself a challenge- to pose something I'm grateful for on a regular basis. I'm not sure if it will be daily or weekly or what yet, but I think it's important for me to stop comparing my life to others and wishing I had what they have and just be happy and thankful for all the great things I do have.
Well, I just created my new blog, so check it out: happier-healthier-hopeful.blogger.com :)
I realised this is not a good way to be thinking. I should not just sit around thinking about things I want and how much I wish I had different things to what I have. I mean, yes, there is a lot of benefit in wanting things. If you don't want anything, you're not going to change anything. Your life will stay stagnant and mediocre. But there is a big difference between wanting and wishing, I think. I think wishing doesn't have as much action in it. You sit around wishing you could have money, or a big house, but you don't do anything about it. You just become resentful and jealous. As said in I'm Not That Girl from Wicked, "wishing only wounds the heart."
Now, someday I want to go to New York City. I can do something about that. I can save my money, plan it all out and go. But, although I want to live in a bigger, nicer house in another part of this city, I can't do anything about that. I have no job, a small amount of money and I live with my parents. I can't do anything about where I live right now. So what is the point of wishing? Why not actually be happy with what I have?
So, I've given myself a challenge- to pose something I'm grateful for on a regular basis. I'm not sure if it will be daily or weekly or what yet, but I think it's important for me to stop comparing my life to others and wishing I had what they have and just be happy and thankful for all the great things I do have.
Well, I just created my new blog, so check it out: happier-healthier-hopeful.blogger.com :)
Thursday 22 November 2012
My Own Words Rang Inside My Head, Like A Bell Inside A Head
Good afternoon, internet dwellers! It has been quite awhile since I have posted last, but I shall explain why later on.
As of 7pm last Wednesday night, I am on my summer holiday! Yes, that's right. One year of university down, 3 months of holidays to come.
Since my last post, I had my birthday and entered into the realm of adulthood and went through an entire semester of university. I am officially 1/3 of the way through my degree. Except for the fact that I am almost certain I will be (at least attempting) to get into honours afterwards and maybe even some postgraduate study... But still! I'm 1/3 of the way through my original, basic degree that I am currently enrolled in.
Well, I just grabbed my three favourite Christmas albums from our CD collection and am beginning to put them onto my iPod. I am now listening to "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas" by Michael Buble. This is my favourite time of year, the summer holidays. Christmas lights, Christmas foods, shopping, trees, and Christmas Day itself, followed by beach trips, swimming in the pool, mangoes, ice creams and most importantly- no school/uni!
Now, I feel I owe some kind of explanation as to absence from this blog for the past 3 and a half months. Well, you see, anytime I go to post anything, it just seems to pointless. I feel like this blog should have some point to it. Up to now, it has just been a young girl ranting about her mediocre life. What is the real point of that? Yes, it gave me a place to vent, but now I don't feel like I want to vent here. Now, I am not deleting my blog. I'm just trying to decide what else I can do with it, that might actually have some kind of impact on people or at least have a real theme and point.
[Side note: I had forgotten just how great this Michael Buble Christmas album is. And I'm only on the third song. This is fantastic.]
The only thing I've been able to come up with is a sort of Healthy Eating/Exercising/Encouragement Blog thing. You know, just throw out tips, recipes etc. Honestly, I've been wanting to do something along these lines for months and just haven't for some reason...
Anyway, because I'll still want to use this blog as a place sacred for ranting and venting and writing pointless point about my mediocre life, I think I'll start another blog for the aforementioned content. When it is up and running, I'll post the link on this blog in case any of the few people who follow me here want to follow that too.
So, anyway, I put two of my three favourite Christmas albums onto my computer earlier, made a playlist called "Christmas!" and synced it all to my iPod. Unfortunately, my favourite Christmas album seems to be missing. I found the case, but the CD is nowhere to be found. It is actually genuinely stressing me out, because I don't have it on my computer (well, I don't believe I do, anyway) and, well, it's my favourite... I've already searched several cases, but will search more tomorrow!
Anyway, I went for a walk and put the Christmas playlist on shuffle and I kept grinning like a fangirl. A Christmas fangirl. Oh my goodness. I just realised that is what I am. I am a Christmas fangirl. Oh dear...
Anyway, I'm going to continue cleaning/organising my room and think about my possible new blog!
As of 7pm last Wednesday night, I am on my summer holiday! Yes, that's right. One year of university down, 3 months of holidays to come.
Since my last post, I had my birthday and entered into the realm of adulthood and went through an entire semester of university. I am officially 1/3 of the way through my degree. Except for the fact that I am almost certain I will be (at least attempting) to get into honours afterwards and maybe even some postgraduate study... But still! I'm 1/3 of the way through my original, basic degree that I am currently enrolled in.
Well, I just grabbed my three favourite Christmas albums from our CD collection and am beginning to put them onto my iPod. I am now listening to "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas" by Michael Buble. This is my favourite time of year, the summer holidays. Christmas lights, Christmas foods, shopping, trees, and Christmas Day itself, followed by beach trips, swimming in the pool, mangoes, ice creams and most importantly- no school/uni!
Now, I feel I owe some kind of explanation as to absence from this blog for the past 3 and a half months. Well, you see, anytime I go to post anything, it just seems to pointless. I feel like this blog should have some point to it. Up to now, it has just been a young girl ranting about her mediocre life. What is the real point of that? Yes, it gave me a place to vent, but now I don't feel like I want to vent here. Now, I am not deleting my blog. I'm just trying to decide what else I can do with it, that might actually have some kind of impact on people or at least have a real theme and point.
[Side note: I had forgotten just how great this Michael Buble Christmas album is. And I'm only on the third song. This is fantastic.]
The only thing I've been able to come up with is a sort of Healthy Eating/Exercising/Encouragement Blog thing. You know, just throw out tips, recipes etc. Honestly, I've been wanting to do something along these lines for months and just haven't for some reason...
Anyway, because I'll still want to use this blog as a place sacred for ranting and venting and writing pointless point about my mediocre life, I think I'll start another blog for the aforementioned content. When it is up and running, I'll post the link on this blog in case any of the few people who follow me here want to follow that too.
So, anyway, I put two of my three favourite Christmas albums onto my computer earlier, made a playlist called "Christmas!" and synced it all to my iPod. Unfortunately, my favourite Christmas album seems to be missing. I found the case, but the CD is nowhere to be found. It is actually genuinely stressing me out, because I don't have it on my computer (well, I don't believe I do, anyway) and, well, it's my favourite... I've already searched several cases, but will search more tomorrow!
Anyway, I went for a walk and put the Christmas playlist on shuffle and I kept grinning like a fangirl. A Christmas fangirl. Oh my goodness. I just realised that is what I am. I am a Christmas fangirl. Oh dear...
Anyway, I'm going to continue cleaning/organising my room and think about my possible new blog!
Thursday 2 August 2012
So, You Made A Life-Changing Decision To Not Change Your Life At All...
"Bloggers are gross. Bloggers are obese. Bloggers have halitosis. You're gonna love 'em." - Dwight Schrute (The Office) on bloggers. I thought that was an apt way to begin this post. Bloggers be crazy.
Greetings! I am currently sitting my my clean room, listening to music through the laptop speakers, dressed in my Around-The-House clothes on a lovely, cold Friday. This semester I managed to get Fridays off again and I am quite overjoyed. Although, I worry that I will never be able to get Fridays off again and forever be disappointed by my future timetables, but we'll cross those bridges when we get to them.
So, last Monday I started Semester 2 of university. So far, it has been going pretty well. My timetable is alright, I only have one early morning and only one late night (unfortunately on the same day but whatever) and I'm only doing 3 courses so it's slightly more relaxing.
So, as of earlier this year, (around the beginning of university) I realised I had quite let myself go in Year 12 and the following holidays. I mean, come on, a year of stress and emotional instability (triggers for comfort food, much?) and then three months of sitting at home with very little to do... That was bound to lead to a little extra chub, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I started on my journey to move more and eat better. It was quite slow, as my motivation and seriousness was quite lacking at first. As they increased, so did my effort and my body weight did decrease a small amount, which was extremely encouraging. I then plateaued. Being the way I am, this made me distressed but, yesterday (or Wednesday, I dunno), I made a decision.
I am no longer going to stress about being thin or losing weight or having a flat stomach or anything. I am going to be healthy. I think this will be better for me. It's not actually going to change my new eating/exercise habits; it will just change how I think about it all, which is probably more important for me.
I will walk and jog and do weights to make myself feel good on the inside and, as a result, on the outside. I will eat well to make my body feel good. I will not do these things to stress out about a number on a scale, because I've found that to be unhealthy.
I've quite enjoyed eating healthier recently, actually. I genuinely feel better about myself when I eat a good, filling, healthy breakfast and a good lunch, small & healthy snacks and a good healthy dinner. This along with drinking lots of water and regularly doing some sort of exercise has been good.
I have also inspired my family, somewhat. Well, my parents more so. My mother has gotten on board more and I've seen my dad make some small changes. My brothers, on the other hand, not so much. Well, in the next year or so, the oldest of my brothers' growth spurt period will end and he will reap the full results of not being nice to his body. Well, hopefully, or else I will get annoyed. I mean, I got my "growth spurt" around his age. I got a lot hungrier and did grow a bit. But, I got the height genes from my mum. My mum is of average height, her sister is short, their mother is average height and their father is very short. My dad is tall, as is his father, as were his grandfathers. Both of my little brothers got that tall gene and I got the short-average height gene. That's fine with me, but it means that, as my brothers eat unhealthily, they grow taller and not any wider. I never had that luck. Eating bad food quickly caught up to me and I began to grow out instead of up. Anyway...
Last semester I drew up a timetable to see if it would help get me up and exercising at a regular time everyday. It didn't work. I have tried again this semester and, so far, it is working. I think I have more motivation. Here is my exercise routine for the week:
Sunday: 7am: strength exercises, often includes an afternoon walk with the family
Monday: 7-8-ish, 30 minutes walk/jog
Tuesday: "Active rest" (basically, I don't do deliberate exercise but I don't sit on my bum all day. Basically, I have a long day of uni from 10am-6pm, not including transport, I have no time to exercise)
Wednesday: 7am: 20-30 minute walk/jog, strength exercises
Thursday: 7am: 30 minute walk/jog
Friday: 7am: 30 minute walk/jog
Saturday: 7am: 30 minute walk/jog.
I think this week may have been the first week I have stuck to this, so let's see how it goes...
Food wise- I've learnt a lot about what is filling, low or high in calories and what is easy to pack for uni. Paying attention to what fills me up and what doesn't has definitely helped...
Also, exercise is supposed to reduce both stress and anxiety while giving more energy. For a very anxious, stressed and almost constantly tired girl, I cannot argue with that.
I have figured- if I feel good on the inside, I will feel better about my outside appearance too.
"Speaking of pimples- let's release the bloggers!"
Greetings! I am currently sitting my my clean room, listening to music through the laptop speakers, dressed in my Around-The-House clothes on a lovely, cold Friday. This semester I managed to get Fridays off again and I am quite overjoyed. Although, I worry that I will never be able to get Fridays off again and forever be disappointed by my future timetables, but we'll cross those bridges when we get to them.
So, last Monday I started Semester 2 of university. So far, it has been going pretty well. My timetable is alright, I only have one early morning and only one late night (unfortunately on the same day but whatever) and I'm only doing 3 courses so it's slightly more relaxing.
So, as of earlier this year, (around the beginning of university) I realised I had quite let myself go in Year 12 and the following holidays. I mean, come on, a year of stress and emotional instability (triggers for comfort food, much?) and then three months of sitting at home with very little to do... That was bound to lead to a little extra chub, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I started on my journey to move more and eat better. It was quite slow, as my motivation and seriousness was quite lacking at first. As they increased, so did my effort and my body weight did decrease a small amount, which was extremely encouraging. I then plateaued. Being the way I am, this made me distressed but, yesterday (or Wednesday, I dunno), I made a decision.
I am no longer going to stress about being thin or losing weight or having a flat stomach or anything. I am going to be healthy. I think this will be better for me. It's not actually going to change my new eating/exercise habits; it will just change how I think about it all, which is probably more important for me.
I will walk and jog and do weights to make myself feel good on the inside and, as a result, on the outside. I will eat well to make my body feel good. I will not do these things to stress out about a number on a scale, because I've found that to be unhealthy.
I've quite enjoyed eating healthier recently, actually. I genuinely feel better about myself when I eat a good, filling, healthy breakfast and a good lunch, small & healthy snacks and a good healthy dinner. This along with drinking lots of water and regularly doing some sort of exercise has been good.
I have also inspired my family, somewhat. Well, my parents more so. My mother has gotten on board more and I've seen my dad make some small changes. My brothers, on the other hand, not so much. Well, in the next year or so, the oldest of my brothers' growth spurt period will end and he will reap the full results of not being nice to his body. Well, hopefully, or else I will get annoyed. I mean, I got my "growth spurt" around his age. I got a lot hungrier and did grow a bit. But, I got the height genes from my mum. My mum is of average height, her sister is short, their mother is average height and their father is very short. My dad is tall, as is his father, as were his grandfathers. Both of my little brothers got that tall gene and I got the short-average height gene. That's fine with me, but it means that, as my brothers eat unhealthily, they grow taller and not any wider. I never had that luck. Eating bad food quickly caught up to me and I began to grow out instead of up. Anyway...
Last semester I drew up a timetable to see if it would help get me up and exercising at a regular time everyday. It didn't work. I have tried again this semester and, so far, it is working. I think I have more motivation. Here is my exercise routine for the week:
Sunday: 7am: strength exercises, often includes an afternoon walk with the family
Monday: 7-8-ish, 30 minutes walk/jog
Tuesday: "Active rest" (basically, I don't do deliberate exercise but I don't sit on my bum all day. Basically, I have a long day of uni from 10am-6pm, not including transport, I have no time to exercise)
Wednesday: 7am: 20-30 minute walk/jog, strength exercises
Thursday: 7am: 30 minute walk/jog
Friday: 7am: 30 minute walk/jog
Saturday: 7am: 30 minute walk/jog.
I think this week may have been the first week I have stuck to this, so let's see how it goes...
Food wise- I've learnt a lot about what is filling, low or high in calories and what is easy to pack for uni. Paying attention to what fills me up and what doesn't has definitely helped...
Also, exercise is supposed to reduce both stress and anxiety while giving more energy. For a very anxious, stressed and almost constantly tired girl, I cannot argue with that.
I have figured- if I feel good on the inside, I will feel better about my outside appearance too.
"Speaking of pimples- let's release the bloggers!"
Tuesday 3 July 2012
Rollin' In The Deep
So, in grade 9 of high school, Phantomess and I were in... some class and we were doing some activity to do with war (don't judge me, my memory isn't great). We had to come up with a word for every letter of the alphabet that was related to war. Now, for 'N', we put nostalgia. When we read this to the teacher, she was kinda weirded out and asked us if we actually knew what nostalgia meant and proceeded to tell us that it basically means "looking back with fond memories". Despite the fact that we were basically the School Nerds, we thought it had something to do with being sick or nauseous because it sounded like 'lethargic'.
Today I was at a theme park with my family (and my littlest brother's friend) and I spent a very random 2 minutes in deep thought about nostalgia. You see, I'm a very nostalgic and sentimental person, especially in the past year or so, upon finishing school. But I realised I am good at looking back on all my memories, but not so good at the "fond" part. My memories make me all too sad too easily and this is not good.
I mean, these good, fun, memorable times happened and I should be happy about that because- well, they happened! Why be sad about it? Yes, I am not in school anymore with my same group of friends and teachers and other classmates and everything is less predictable, but that doesn't mean I won't make more good memories out of that context.
So, I'll never be in my instrumental room with Phantomess mucking around and doing absolutely nothing instead of being in PE when our teacher and principal (and some other guests) turn up and we have to pretend like we are doing something worthwhile and not skipping a class. But I have already made some good memories at uni, with some new friends. Such as kinda stalking this guy most days and having him see us watching him several times so that he is most probably very skeptical of us. Whoops.
In the words of Zoey (and later Ted) from How I Met Your Mother, "sometimes things need to fall apart to make way for better things." I'm not saying that school "fell apart" because it didn't- it just ended, but it ended to make way for better things. I admit, better things have not come. Definitely not. But hey, they will. I'm trying to be hopeful. I'm also trying to look back on my odd memories and be happy about the fact that they happened and have contributed to my life, as opposed to getting upset.
Everytime I watch Masterchef I get the unbelievable urge to cook. I mean, I get that urge a lot lately. It's really my only hobby. When people would ask what my hobbies were I'd always be like, "I dunno.... TV?" But now I have a hobby in cooking. I like to cook sweet and savoury things, breakfasts and dinners, healthy and unhealthy, but I do usually feel the urge to cook something decadent and awfully unhealthy, like cheesecake. This is bad for a girl trying to get fit, healthy and lose that Cheesecake Weight. Oh man, cheesecake....
I really want to try cooking Japanese cuisine. I borrowed a Japanese cookbook from the library and some of the stuff sounds really yummy and is very healthy and doesn't look too difficult to make, but basically everything includes some ingredient I've barely heard of that could only be bought at a good Asian Supermarket... Well, I think tomorrow I will take my library cookbooks to the printer and photocopy all the best recipes and file them away.
Mmmmmmmm foooooood.
I love how I went from deep thoughts about life and the past and moving forward to ogling (that's a word I've never actually used before) about food.
Today I was at a theme park with my family (and my littlest brother's friend) and I spent a very random 2 minutes in deep thought about nostalgia. You see, I'm a very nostalgic and sentimental person, especially in the past year or so, upon finishing school. But I realised I am good at looking back on all my memories, but not so good at the "fond" part. My memories make me all too sad too easily and this is not good.
I mean, these good, fun, memorable times happened and I should be happy about that because- well, they happened! Why be sad about it? Yes, I am not in school anymore with my same group of friends and teachers and other classmates and everything is less predictable, but that doesn't mean I won't make more good memories out of that context.
So, I'll never be in my instrumental room with Phantomess mucking around and doing absolutely nothing instead of being in PE when our teacher and principal (and some other guests) turn up and we have to pretend like we are doing something worthwhile and not skipping a class. But I have already made some good memories at uni, with some new friends. Such as kinda stalking this guy most days and having him see us watching him several times so that he is most probably very skeptical of us. Whoops.
In the words of Zoey (and later Ted) from How I Met Your Mother, "sometimes things need to fall apart to make way for better things." I'm not saying that school "fell apart" because it didn't- it just ended, but it ended to make way for better things. I admit, better things have not come. Definitely not. But hey, they will. I'm trying to be hopeful. I'm also trying to look back on my odd memories and be happy about the fact that they happened and have contributed to my life, as opposed to getting upset.
Everytime I watch Masterchef I get the unbelievable urge to cook. I mean, I get that urge a lot lately. It's really my only hobby. When people would ask what my hobbies were I'd always be like, "I dunno.... TV?" But now I have a hobby in cooking. I like to cook sweet and savoury things, breakfasts and dinners, healthy and unhealthy, but I do usually feel the urge to cook something decadent and awfully unhealthy, like cheesecake. This is bad for a girl trying to get fit, healthy and lose that Cheesecake Weight. Oh man, cheesecake....
I really want to try cooking Japanese cuisine. I borrowed a Japanese cookbook from the library and some of the stuff sounds really yummy and is very healthy and doesn't look too difficult to make, but basically everything includes some ingredient I've barely heard of that could only be bought at a good Asian Supermarket... Well, I think tomorrow I will take my library cookbooks to the printer and photocopy all the best recipes and file them away.
Mmmmmmmm foooooood.
I love how I went from deep thoughts about life and the past and moving forward to ogling (that's a word I've never actually used before) about food.
Thursday 21 June 2012
You Wouldn't Download A Butt
So, on Monday I had my first and second university exams. I woke up at 7am, went for a good walk, came home and had breakfast and a shower. I was home alone by this point. I got dressed, made lunch, studied a tiny bit and sat around watching random episodes of How I Met Your Mother before going to catch my bus, subsequent train and subsequent bus to uni. Once there, I had lunch and went to the library to do some last minute study. I couldn't really stay focused and just sat on this comfy couch watching people around me and left early. You see, I overestimate time a lot. I'll be all, "Yeah, it'll take me 10 minutes to walk there, 10 minutes to pick that thing up, 10 minutes to go to the bathroom and like, 5 minutes to get to the other place, so I should leave like, 40-ish minutes early to be safe." And, in reality, all of those activities seem to take less than 2 minutes and I'm left at the end with nothing to do. I did this with my exam. I left quite early to go to the bathroom and buy/eat a snack from the lolly shop and ended up sitting around like a loner doing nothing for awhile.
Anyway, at 2:30 I had my first exam, for Intro to Psych: Clinical, Developmental & Social. I was nervous, but only because it was my first university exam and I had no idea what to expect. Once it had started, however, it was fine and relatively easy. Yes, I made educated guesses for a few questions, but I generally knew what it was on about. I left after an hour (all my exams were 2 hours btw) and therefore, had like, 2 hours to wait before my next exam, instead of the hour I had been expecting. I tried to study and failed again, texting Phantomess to see if she was there early. We hung out and didn't study, before meeting up with the rest of The Japanese Gang freaking out before our exam. That was also, quite easy. Yes, there are questions I am almost certain I got wrong, but I was pretty confident with most of it. I left that after an hour. I then went out to a very nice and fancy Sri Lankan restaurant with my mum and uncle and had some really nice food before going home.
I spent Tuesday doing a little study and mainly watching various TV shows... Wednesday was pretty similar to Monday. I had a very socially awkward/socially unpleasant public transport journey before getting to uni and continuing to be socially awkward. I then had my Research Methods & Statistics 1 exam. It was harder than the others and I made more guesses than the other exams Some of those guesses weren't so 'educated' either. But I left after an hour and a half and actually nearly cried with joy that I am finally on holidays.
So, here, I am going to make a list of the fun, not-stressful things I have been putting off doing (due to their ability to wildly distract me from uni) that I will be doing these holidays:
- Finishing my re-watch of The Office (I am nearly done, but I stopped before an episode that was way too emotional to watch when I should have been studying)
- Finally finish reading Mockingjay (I had to put it away so I could try and focus on uni)
- Catch up on some anime I haven't finished
- Start some anime I've been wanting to watch for ages
- Finally read Volume 1 of Ouran High School Host Club that I bought like, 2 months ago or something
- Cook lots
- Make ice cream from scratch
- Get a haircut
- See mah peeps
- Properly plan my birthday par-tay
- Drive more
- Try and find another job
- Play lots of The Sims 3
- Finally watch the Audrey Hepburn movies my parents gave me as my graduation present
- Play my instruments
I think that's about it... Seems like a lot, but I can almost guarantee you that I won't do most of it... I'll probably just sit on Tumblr... As usual...
Well, even though I'm tired as, I feel the need to fit another Friends episodes (one of my favourites) in before going to bed, even though I have to get up early for an 8:45am doctor's appointment tomorrow... Farewell!
Anyway, at 2:30 I had my first exam, for Intro to Psych: Clinical, Developmental & Social. I was nervous, but only because it was my first university exam and I had no idea what to expect. Once it had started, however, it was fine and relatively easy. Yes, I made educated guesses for a few questions, but I generally knew what it was on about. I left after an hour (all my exams were 2 hours btw) and therefore, had like, 2 hours to wait before my next exam, instead of the hour I had been expecting. I tried to study and failed again, texting Phantomess to see if she was there early. We hung out and didn't study, before meeting up with the rest of The Japanese Gang freaking out before our exam. That was also, quite easy. Yes, there are questions I am almost certain I got wrong, but I was pretty confident with most of it. I left that after an hour. I then went out to a very nice and fancy Sri Lankan restaurant with my mum and uncle and had some really nice food before going home.
I spent Tuesday doing a little study and mainly watching various TV shows... Wednesday was pretty similar to Monday. I had a very socially awkward/socially unpleasant public transport journey before getting to uni and continuing to be socially awkward. I then had my Research Methods & Statistics 1 exam. It was harder than the others and I made more guesses than the other exams Some of those guesses weren't so 'educated' either. But I left after an hour and a half and actually nearly cried with joy that I am finally on holidays.
So, here, I am going to make a list of the fun, not-stressful things I have been putting off doing (due to their ability to wildly distract me from uni) that I will be doing these holidays:
- Finishing my re-watch of The Office (I am nearly done, but I stopped before an episode that was way too emotional to watch when I should have been studying)
- Finally finish reading Mockingjay (I had to put it away so I could try and focus on uni)
- Catch up on some anime I haven't finished
- Start some anime I've been wanting to watch for ages
- Finally read Volume 1 of Ouran High School Host Club that I bought like, 2 months ago or something
- Cook lots
- Make ice cream from scratch
- Get a haircut
- See mah peeps
- Properly plan my birthday par-tay
- Drive more
- Try and find another job
- Play lots of The Sims 3
- Finally watch the Audrey Hepburn movies my parents gave me as my graduation present
- Play my instruments
I think that's about it... Seems like a lot, but I can almost guarantee you that I won't do most of it... I'll probably just sit on Tumblr... As usual...
Well, even though I'm tired as, I feel the need to fit another Friends episodes (one of my favourites) in before going to bed, even though I have to get up early for an 8:45am doctor's appointment tomorrow... Farewell!
Thursday 14 June 2012
Think About Your Commission Cap As A Naked Old Man In A Gym Locker
Today I shall be using this here blog to document my random thoughts and adventures through another fun day of study.
First up- PSYC1040 (Psychological Rsearch Methods &Statistics 1)... I seem to understand nearly everything. There are like, 2 concepts I cannot seem to get my head around and it's driving me crazy.
So, it turns out I can do pages of practice calculation questions apart from one certain area. It's totally fine. Then, I go do a past exam and I can do every question, apart from all the calculation ones. They make absolutely no sense to me. This is stressing me out. I think I'm going to wait till my dad gets home. Whenever I don't understand mathematical things, I ask him, but this is different. I don't know if he has a good grasp of statistics. I am going to die in this exam. So much. I mean, at least it is multiple choice, so when I have absolutely no idea in all heck, I can choose something...
I think I'm going to change subjects now.
Now- PSYC1030 (Introduction to Psychology: Developmental, Social & Clinical)...
So, I think I am actually totally dying here. My body is like, failing me. For the past few days, for no apparent reason, my feet and back of my knee joints have been in serious pain, I've had random, unusual, hard-to-describe stomach pains and this morning, after trying to find some good winter clothes to wear, I became extremely hot and am now sitting in my room in shorts, a t-shirt, a jumper with the sleeves rolled up, a glass of cold water and my fan on. In Winter. What.
In my notes for "Prejudice & Stereotyping" under the title of "Racism" I actually have written this:
" " sexism
-> whining
... What was that supposed to say? I'm guessing I didn't get the time to write whatever it was... I hope it wasn't important...
I am seriously sick of this American Spellcheck. Seriously. When I write 'ise' at the end of a word, I do not mean 'ize'. And telling me my 'u's in words such as 'neighbour' and 'behaviour' are wrong. No. You are wrong, Spellcheck.
... I'm not entirely sick of Spellcheck because it turns out I cannot seem to spell anything right today...
11 pages later and Social Psychology is done. Now- for Clinical.
Ugh.
When I type, my left thumb sticks up in the air really weirdly and therefore, after typing for quite awhile, it hurts.
I think I need a short Tumblr break :)
... I think I just discovered that a girl I've followed on Tumblr for ages goes to the same university as me. Mine=blown.
I went out to the rest of the house to ask my mother what we'd have for lunch. She wasn't there. I cam back to my room, at some lollies and Tumblr'd. Seems like a good alternative for lunch...
BACK TO STUDY!
In my notes I wrote "less severy". Severy.
Clinical Psychology DONE. AND, it was finished very close to the end of my CD, so yay.
So, after a lunch and TV break, I am returned, energised for more study... Sigh. Maybe not so energised, but whatever.
Wow. Just typed out my Organisational Psychology notes in about 1 minute. I don't even know what I typed. Hope there's not too much Org Psych on the exam...
I am finished! I now have Fact Sheets for every discipline of Psychology covered in this course. YAY.
So, I had a weird dream last night/this morning (I slept in, so it may have been a morning dream...). I don't remember much. I was with my friends and I specifically remember Phantomess and Gojo. At one point I was with my family and family friends... Something about a train.. Anyway, with my friends I was at a Japanese shop that turned out to be kinda African and I stood behind the counter waiting to buy something for AGES and no one came and served my and eventually I left and walked somewhere by myself and then a dog attacked me and then I just started running. I ran away from the dog, even though it left pretty quickly. I left my friends wherever they were and I vaguely remember Phantomess trying to find me or something but I kept running. It's totally a metaphor or something...
So... I walked up to the shops with my brothers to hand some stuff into the Pathology people to be analysed and whatnot and ended up having to get a bloodtest. Lovely. Now, my feet, legs and right arm all hurt.
I really need to study Japanese, but I find it hard to study without speaking... And speaking isn't going to help me in a written exam... At all... I need to practice reading and writing but I just find it so hard to study. I love to walk around and just speak Japanese... Sigh.
I was using Google Translate to help with some Jap study and apparently, one question means, "What do you sleep when the end mud." I can't even guess what that's supposed to mean.
ブラウンさんは、週に一回アルバイトをします。Ms Brown goes to her part-time job once a week.
First up- PSYC1040 (Psychological Rsearch Methods &Statistics 1)... I seem to understand nearly everything. There are like, 2 concepts I cannot seem to get my head around and it's driving me crazy.
So, it turns out I can do pages of practice calculation questions apart from one certain area. It's totally fine. Then, I go do a past exam and I can do every question, apart from all the calculation ones. They make absolutely no sense to me. This is stressing me out. I think I'm going to wait till my dad gets home. Whenever I don't understand mathematical things, I ask him, but this is different. I don't know if he has a good grasp of statistics. I am going to die in this exam. So much. I mean, at least it is multiple choice, so when I have absolutely no idea in all heck, I can choose something...
I think I'm going to change subjects now.
Now- PSYC1030 (Introduction to Psychology: Developmental, Social & Clinical)...
So, I think I am actually totally dying here. My body is like, failing me. For the past few days, for no apparent reason, my feet and back of my knee joints have been in serious pain, I've had random, unusual, hard-to-describe stomach pains and this morning, after trying to find some good winter clothes to wear, I became extremely hot and am now sitting in my room in shorts, a t-shirt, a jumper with the sleeves rolled up, a glass of cold water and my fan on. In Winter. What.
In my notes for "Prejudice & Stereotyping" under the title of "Racism" I actually have written this:
" " sexism
-> whining
... What was that supposed to say? I'm guessing I didn't get the time to write whatever it was... I hope it wasn't important...
I am seriously sick of this American Spellcheck. Seriously. When I write 'ise' at the end of a word, I do not mean 'ize'. And telling me my 'u's in words such as 'neighbour' and 'behaviour' are wrong. No. You are wrong, Spellcheck.
... I'm not entirely sick of Spellcheck because it turns out I cannot seem to spell anything right today...
11 pages later and Social Psychology is done. Now- for Clinical.
Ugh.
When I type, my left thumb sticks up in the air really weirdly and therefore, after typing for quite awhile, it hurts.
I think I need a short Tumblr break :)
... I think I just discovered that a girl I've followed on Tumblr for ages goes to the same university as me. Mine=blown.
I went out to the rest of the house to ask my mother what we'd have for lunch. She wasn't there. I cam back to my room, at some lollies and Tumblr'd. Seems like a good alternative for lunch...
BACK TO STUDY!
In my notes I wrote "less severy". Severy.
Clinical Psychology DONE. AND, it was finished very close to the end of my CD, so yay.
So, after a lunch and TV break, I am returned, energised for more study... Sigh. Maybe not so energised, but whatever.
Wow. Just typed out my Organisational Psychology notes in about 1 minute. I don't even know what I typed. Hope there's not too much Org Psych on the exam...
I am finished! I now have Fact Sheets for every discipline of Psychology covered in this course. YAY.
So, I had a weird dream last night/this morning (I slept in, so it may have been a morning dream...). I don't remember much. I was with my friends and I specifically remember Phantomess and Gojo. At one point I was with my family and family friends... Something about a train.. Anyway, with my friends I was at a Japanese shop that turned out to be kinda African and I stood behind the counter waiting to buy something for AGES and no one came and served my and eventually I left and walked somewhere by myself and then a dog attacked me and then I just started running. I ran away from the dog, even though it left pretty quickly. I left my friends wherever they were and I vaguely remember Phantomess trying to find me or something but I kept running. It's totally a metaphor or something...
So... I walked up to the shops with my brothers to hand some stuff into the Pathology people to be analysed and whatnot and ended up having to get a bloodtest. Lovely. Now, my feet, legs and right arm all hurt.
I really need to study Japanese, but I find it hard to study without speaking... And speaking isn't going to help me in a written exam... At all... I need to practice reading and writing but I just find it so hard to study. I love to walk around and just speak Japanese... Sigh.
I was using Google Translate to help with some Jap study and apparently, one question means, "What do you sleep when the end mud." I can't even guess what that's supposed to mean.
ブラウンさんは、週に一回アルバイトをします。Ms Brown goes to her part-time job once a week.
Friday 8 June 2012
Why Does Anyone Have To Be Naked?
Hello there! Come here often? ... I don't anymore but I saw my dear friends Miss Invisible and Tenuto Tuo post again and it inspired me somewhat, though I have no idea what to talk about...
Apparently I haven't posted here since the end of March. A lot has happened since then...
First and foremost, I have nearly officially finished my first semester of university. I finished classes last Thursday and have 3 exams in just over a week. Once those are finished, my semester is done. It is very exciting and I am so looking forward to the holidays where I will sleep as much as I want and catch up on anime and cook and see friends and well, not have to go to uni :P
Not that I hate university or anything, cause I do not. It took quite a bit of getting used to and I'm sure I'll still be getting used to everything next semester, but it's pretty good. I think making a couple of friends helped as well as just getting up each day and going and not worrying about what the day could bring, which is always tough for me.
I am quite enjoying learning that wonderful Japanese language. I was looking through my textbook today to study and looking through the first chapter or so made me really nostalgic and showed me just how far I've come. About 12-13 weeks ago, I was in my first Japanese lecture standing up with Phantomess saying "I am ____. Nice to meet you," in front of the whole class. That was all we could say.
Psychology is alright. The compulsory stats course has killed me and is my worst subject and I am almost certain I will fail or barely pass the exam.
Before really starting my course, I was pretty set on going into Clinical Psychology because I have a big, slightly weird, fascination with mental illness. Throughout my course, we were taught the basics of most of the areas of Psychology and, although the Clinical stuff still interests me quite a bit, I have found a new interest in Developmental Psychology. It is the study of Psychology throughout different life stages and I am completely fascinated by the infant & early childhood phases. I mean, the fact that there are these brand new lives that just... figure everything out and have all this ingrained reflexes and stuff that helps them learn about the world and life in general. I can't even get my head around it. I don't know, babies have just seriously blown my mind lately.
I'd really like to do something in Infant/Early Childhood (preferably infant) Developmental Psychology and possibly work in hospitals or something like that, in some kind of Clinical environment. I'm not sure. This is a new idea that's come over me the past few days/weeks or so and I have changed career ideas so many times, so who knows if it will stay...
But, because of stuff that has happened this year, it kind of makes sense that it's come to this. I don't know. It's hard to explain without going into the detail of what has happened this year but I'll try. I couldn't understand why this thing happened. I mean, I believe that things happen for a reason, especially the big things and I had been spending months trying to figure out what the reason behind this event could possibly have been. I knew God must have had some grand plan and some reason for that happening and now I feel like it has somewhat lead to this career idea. Well, I know it is linked and has lead to it and I've just been wondering today if this is a good career for me and even at least part of the reason that stuff happened. Maybe God wants me to do this... Maybe he doesn't, I could just be slightly deluded, but I had a dream last night about this event and that upset me this morning, and these ideas have cheered me up about it, so even if this isn't God's grand plan for my career and life, at least it cheered me up today.
So, I've been exercising and eating well lately and it's really good. The exercising is hard, motivation wise. My neighbourhood is so boring and there are so many freaking dogs and I'm not a big animal person and I'm really not a big dog person. Not only are there dogs around, but there are dogs who see you, bark like crazy, run around like crazy, jump, and generally look like they want to jump out over the fence, sprint towards you and rip your head off, all while setting off every other dog in the suburb. So, I base my walk/jog routes around avoiding the dogs, which gives me a very limited space to work with and walking/jogging the same route everyday is extremely monotonous and boring and makes it very hard to motivate oneself to get out of bed/get off Tumblr and go outside. If I do get outside, it's hard to motivate myself to stay out for a full 30 minutes, and I haven't been doing so the past 2 days or so. In fact, I haven't gone for a walk at all today. Oh well. I will tomorrow.
Tomorrow I'm actually going to be sociable, which is cool and exciting. I'm going to a concert to see a friend from school perform in an ensemble I was in last year (and I might see my old flute ensemble play too) and then I am going to have lunch, go for a walk, maybe study and just chill by myself for a few hours before meeting up with friends for dinner in the city. Excited to get out of the house for sure.
I want to cook. I went to the library the other day, cause I felt like reading lots and ended up only getting one novel and four cookbooks including a Japanese cookbook, a healthy food one, a cheesecake one (just to cancel out the healthiness from the previous book) and a ice cream/sorbet/popsicle cookbook that looks absolutely amazing. Cannot wait to make ice cream. I am just waiting till after exams... I don't need more reasons to procrastinate...
I did study yesterday and today though. Played music, put the laptop off the desk and studied for a good hour or so straight. I find Japanese hard to study alone though. I didn't know where to start. I will hopefully get a group study session in with my Japanese buddies and I'll probably learn more from them haha.
Oh man, I am so not going to do well with these exams but I don't care. Well, sometimes I care. Right now, I don't. I just want them to be over. After my last exam, I am planning on going to the uni's lolly shop and buying some sort of treat to celebrate and then getting home and like, sleeping. Maybe crying. From happiness, that is.
Anyway, I caught up to date with The Office awhile ago and then, not long after, starting re-watching it again. Don't judge me. I actually watched an episode today that I'd somehow missed the first time, so that was cool. Anyway, off to watch an episode now.
Milo! I shall have some milo to satisfy my sweet tooth right now! Not that anyone cares but whatever.
Anyway, it was nice to do this again and I may do this more regularly again now. Farewell! じゃまた！
Apparently I haven't posted here since the end of March. A lot has happened since then...
First and foremost, I have nearly officially finished my first semester of university. I finished classes last Thursday and have 3 exams in just over a week. Once those are finished, my semester is done. It is very exciting and I am so looking forward to the holidays where I will sleep as much as I want and catch up on anime and cook and see friends and well, not have to go to uni :P
Not that I hate university or anything, cause I do not. It took quite a bit of getting used to and I'm sure I'll still be getting used to everything next semester, but it's pretty good. I think making a couple of friends helped as well as just getting up each day and going and not worrying about what the day could bring, which is always tough for me.
I am quite enjoying learning that wonderful Japanese language. I was looking through my textbook today to study and looking through the first chapter or so made me really nostalgic and showed me just how far I've come. About 12-13 weeks ago, I was in my first Japanese lecture standing up with Phantomess saying "I am ____. Nice to meet you," in front of the whole class. That was all we could say.
Psychology is alright. The compulsory stats course has killed me and is my worst subject and I am almost certain I will fail or barely pass the exam.
Before really starting my course, I was pretty set on going into Clinical Psychology because I have a big, slightly weird, fascination with mental illness. Throughout my course, we were taught the basics of most of the areas of Psychology and, although the Clinical stuff still interests me quite a bit, I have found a new interest in Developmental Psychology. It is the study of Psychology throughout different life stages and I am completely fascinated by the infant & early childhood phases. I mean, the fact that there are these brand new lives that just... figure everything out and have all this ingrained reflexes and stuff that helps them learn about the world and life in general. I can't even get my head around it. I don't know, babies have just seriously blown my mind lately.
I'd really like to do something in Infant/Early Childhood (preferably infant) Developmental Psychology and possibly work in hospitals or something like that, in some kind of Clinical environment. I'm not sure. This is a new idea that's come over me the past few days/weeks or so and I have changed career ideas so many times, so who knows if it will stay...
But, because of stuff that has happened this year, it kind of makes sense that it's come to this. I don't know. It's hard to explain without going into the detail of what has happened this year but I'll try. I couldn't understand why this thing happened. I mean, I believe that things happen for a reason, especially the big things and I had been spending months trying to figure out what the reason behind this event could possibly have been. I knew God must have had some grand plan and some reason for that happening and now I feel like it has somewhat lead to this career idea. Well, I know it is linked and has lead to it and I've just been wondering today if this is a good career for me and even at least part of the reason that stuff happened. Maybe God wants me to do this... Maybe he doesn't, I could just be slightly deluded, but I had a dream last night about this event and that upset me this morning, and these ideas have cheered me up about it, so even if this isn't God's grand plan for my career and life, at least it cheered me up today.
So, I've been exercising and eating well lately and it's really good. The exercising is hard, motivation wise. My neighbourhood is so boring and there are so many freaking dogs and I'm not a big animal person and I'm really not a big dog person. Not only are there dogs around, but there are dogs who see you, bark like crazy, run around like crazy, jump, and generally look like they want to jump out over the fence, sprint towards you and rip your head off, all while setting off every other dog in the suburb. So, I base my walk/jog routes around avoiding the dogs, which gives me a very limited space to work with and walking/jogging the same route everyday is extremely monotonous and boring and makes it very hard to motivate oneself to get out of bed/get off Tumblr and go outside. If I do get outside, it's hard to motivate myself to stay out for a full 30 minutes, and I haven't been doing so the past 2 days or so. In fact, I haven't gone for a walk at all today. Oh well. I will tomorrow.
Tomorrow I'm actually going to be sociable, which is cool and exciting. I'm going to a concert to see a friend from school perform in an ensemble I was in last year (and I might see my old flute ensemble play too) and then I am going to have lunch, go for a walk, maybe study and just chill by myself for a few hours before meeting up with friends for dinner in the city. Excited to get out of the house for sure.
I want to cook. I went to the library the other day, cause I felt like reading lots and ended up only getting one novel and four cookbooks including a Japanese cookbook, a healthy food one, a cheesecake one (just to cancel out the healthiness from the previous book) and a ice cream/sorbet/popsicle cookbook that looks absolutely amazing. Cannot wait to make ice cream. I am just waiting till after exams... I don't need more reasons to procrastinate...
I did study yesterday and today though. Played music, put the laptop off the desk and studied for a good hour or so straight. I find Japanese hard to study alone though. I didn't know where to start. I will hopefully get a group study session in with my Japanese buddies and I'll probably learn more from them haha.
Oh man, I am so not going to do well with these exams but I don't care. Well, sometimes I care. Right now, I don't. I just want them to be over. After my last exam, I am planning on going to the uni's lolly shop and buying some sort of treat to celebrate and then getting home and like, sleeping. Maybe crying. From happiness, that is.
Anyway, I caught up to date with The Office awhile ago and then, not long after, starting re-watching it again. Don't judge me. I actually watched an episode today that I'd somehow missed the first time, so that was cool. Anyway, off to watch an episode now.
Milo! I shall have some milo to satisfy my sweet tooth right now! Not that anyone cares but whatever.
Anyway, it was nice to do this again and I may do this more regularly again now. Farewell! じゃまた！
Sunday 25 March 2012
Deep Stuff, Yo
"If you close your eyes and listen close, you can hear the chapter close and it's all rebound it better clothes and you'll like the way this story goes."
Okey dokey, this blog is now taking on a different form. It shall hereby serve a purpose other than just being a place for me to write stupid, pointless rants.
It shall become a place of documentation. Documentation of my hopeful increased happiness.
These lyrics up the top are important to this. For months I thought they were relevant, but only the first part about the chapter closing. At the end of high school, it was like that. It felt like you could actually hear a book closing, defiantly saying that it was the end of that chapter. I have had many mixed feelings over whether I would/do like the "new story", but as I was thinking I realised, I don't think I've "heard" this chapter opening. I don't think I've really had a defining moment where I have heard this new book open and I think it's really important for me that that happens. Even if, right now, I'm not too comfortable with these new "clothes" and all, this new chapter is rebound in better clothes and I will like the way this story goes. I'm determined.
So, blogging is going to become a more weekly thing for me now. I will write about my week if I feel anything was worth talking about. At the end of each post I will document and count things I find important to feel happier.
For example:
- Amount of exercise (hoping to increase)
- Mild-serious anxiety (hoping to decrease)
- Number of new people spoken to (increase)
- Times I have felt good about how I looked before leaving the house (increase)
etc.
I will hopefully be able to see a decrease in the negative things and an increase in the positives.
I saw a thing in the newspaper about "happiness bloggers" and their blogs about... being happy in your life. One woman said she likes to make a list of things that make her happy and when you are feeling sad, upset, angry or just plain crappy, do something on that list. I'm going to make that list... Stay tuned for the official post.
So, basically, I'm deciding that bad stuff happens and it's OK that you get upset but you can get over it and you can decide to be happy, even if that bad stuff is still there inside you. That is basically what this is all about.
... Gosh, I am deep.
Okey dokey, this blog is now taking on a different form. It shall hereby serve a purpose other than just being a place for me to write stupid, pointless rants.
It shall become a place of documentation. Documentation of my hopeful increased happiness.
These lyrics up the top are important to this. For months I thought they were relevant, but only the first part about the chapter closing. At the end of high school, it was like that. It felt like you could actually hear a book closing, defiantly saying that it was the end of that chapter. I have had many mixed feelings over whether I would/do like the "new story", but as I was thinking I realised, I don't think I've "heard" this chapter opening. I don't think I've really had a defining moment where I have heard this new book open and I think it's really important for me that that happens. Even if, right now, I'm not too comfortable with these new "clothes" and all, this new chapter is rebound in better clothes and I will like the way this story goes. I'm determined.
So, blogging is going to become a more weekly thing for me now. I will write about my week if I feel anything was worth talking about. At the end of each post I will document and count things I find important to feel happier.
For example:
- Amount of exercise (hoping to increase)
- Mild-serious anxiety (hoping to decrease)
- Number of new people spoken to (increase)
- Times I have felt good about how I looked before leaving the house (increase)
etc.
I will hopefully be able to see a decrease in the negative things and an increase in the positives.
I saw a thing in the newspaper about "happiness bloggers" and their blogs about... being happy in your life. One woman said she likes to make a list of things that make her happy and when you are feeling sad, upset, angry or just plain crappy, do something on that list. I'm going to make that list... Stay tuned for the official post.
So, basically, I'm deciding that bad stuff happens and it's OK that you get upset but you can get over it and you can decide to be happy, even if that bad stuff is still there inside you. That is basically what this is all about.
... Gosh, I am deep.
Tuesday 20 March 2012
Well, I Like Pretzel Day...
So, through pure luck and wonderful timetabling, I have managed to score a day off today. My Tuesdays usually consist of a one hour tutorial and that is all. That tutorial is not on today.
This could not come at a better time. As of yesterday morning, I have come to the conclusion that I am sick. So, I now have ahead of me a lovely rest day. Yes, I have study to do, but studying at home is much better than being outside, around people in this rainy weather.
So far this morning I have watched "Shortest Celebrity Unions." Yes, I spent nearly an hour of my life watching a show about celebrities who divorce quickly. My goodness, it is awful. I mean, do they not get the concept of marriage? Oh well, it was entertaining. I kinda like hearing about celebrities' lives... and marriage... so it was good. I learnt stuff too. I never knew Macauley Caulkin got married. Granted, I didn't know who half the people on the show where anyway... If anything, I only ever knew half of the couple...
On Saturday I randomly decided to start watching The Office (US version for now... I do want to watch the original UK one too) as it has been all over my Tumblr dashboard for a long time. I had to see what it was about. I remember once my dad going on about how the Americans like to steal really good British shows and make their own version and it turns out sucking. I believe he used The Office as an example. I wonder if he's ever seen it, though, because I have to say- it is funny. I really like it and have been addicted since Saturday afternoon. This was bad as I had a test on Monday and told myself on Saturday night that I could not watch anymore episodes until after the test.
... I watched, like, 6 episodes on Sunday and one on Monday morning before leaving...
As a matter of fact, I'm about to watch an episode now.
Now, despite me loving this show and finding it very funny, I often feel depressed after watching it and I kind of know why. It is Jim's fault. Jim is my favourite character. He is probably the most normal character and is funny and nice and cool and awesome and adorable and in love with the receptionist who is engaged to another man and it just makes me all depressed and my emotions and I do not know.
I saw a guy at uni yesterday who kinda looked like Jim.
I was really close to the end of this episode and it froze. Sigh.
And now the next episode doesn't have a working link. My goodness the world and internet hates me. It is true.
The episode re-loaded and I finished it and Jim aaahhhhhh ditching the wedding to go to Australia and Pam is all sad and he's all not wanting to see her get married because he loves her and ah Jim. <- This is what this show does to me...
Oh well- next episode!
This episode froze in nearly the exact same spot as the last one. Coincidence? I think not!
So, people, I may have a job. That is my exciting news. I mean, I don't want to say it's a definite yet... My mother went to a bakery and heard a guy saying he'd bring his son in to apply for a job there and the bakery woman was all, "Ah, I'd prefer a girl...." and my mum asked her questions and said she'd bring me in on Saturday. So, I went in on Saturday, handed in my resume and the woman told me that it would be a good idea to write down all the stuff they sell and the prices, to start learning. I did that and organised that I will come in for a practice in Friday afternoon. If I do not epically stuff the practice up, I should be working at a bakery, slicing bread, sweeping floors and serving customers from about 7-12 on Saturdays (not sure about Sundays). Frankly, that sounds good to me and I hope I don't stuff it up as a job would be great right now and I've been looking for months with no success. *fingers crossed*
I should really do some uni study now... Or watch more of The Office...
I don't want to read stuff.........
Um. I think that episode ended with a deep metaphor and if I interpreted it correctly, I may now want to cry.
I think this is going to be one of those posts that I just keep here all day and write random junk in until I have to leave the computer (or go to bed) and I finally post it. It shall be the story of my day. Tuesday the 20th of March 2012.
Can you believe it's already the 20th of March? I cannot...
Yesterday I was thinking about how nearly three months of this year have already gone by. I had so many expectations for this year. For it to be so much better than 2011, for so many things to change and get better. None of my expectations have really come true. I have had a lot of bombshells dropped on me and a lot of stuff has gone done yet, somehow, I have made it through nearly 3 months.
I survived 2011 and have survived three very interesting and tough and unexpected months of 2012. Well, unless I die in the next week, but I'm hoping that doesn't happen...
Let's hope I can survive the next 9 months too.
Um. I am now up to the Season 2 finale and I know what happens and I shall cry and/or feel depressed for the rest of the day. Should be fun.
I've grabbed myself a handful of M&Ms and am ready to watch this. Well, not really... emotionally.
... I watched it. I'm crying. It was an awful ending and now I don't think I can leave and not watch episode 1 of Season 3. But I must leave. I have study to do. I feel sick. And sad. And I'm teary. And asdfghjkl Jim. He will be the death of me. Until I finish this show and watch another one and get so emotionally attached to another character and then they will kill me. It is the story of my life.
I just found the new How I Met Your Mother. Dang it. I had told myself I would do some Psych readings and not watch The Office (as my heart has been broken enough and I vaguely know what happens next episode and my heart will be shattered) but now I must see new HIMYM.
... These readings are so boring and I do not care and I just want to watch HIMYM and The Office and not do work because this is boring. BORING.
I studied. For, like, 45 minutes or something and watched HIMYM.
Well, some old episodes of Friends are on soon and I have some more reading to do, I guess...
You know what I really enjoy doing? Cooking. I used to just like to bake cakes and cookies but I really like cooking dinner for the family too. I don't quite know what it is, I just like to cook. I mean, it is really nice to cook food for people, have them eat and be happy and tell you it tastes good. I guess it's like anything else... Performing music is great because it's so nice when people tell you you sounded good. It's nice to hear people say what you did is good and I never cook disgusting food so, even if they don't love what I cooked, they never hate it.
... Jim doesn't return to Scranton till the end of season 3?!?!?! I cannot handle that!! THE SCRANTON BRANCH SUCKS SO HARD WITHOUT HIM. ASDFGHJKL.
I do not know how I fell in love with a character so quickly.
I have a theory! The more frequently you become emotionally attached to characters, the quicker it happens. For example, it probably used to take me a little while to become so emotionally invested in characters. Now however, there is basically at least one character per TV show/anime that I am emotionally invested in and now, it barely takes anytime to fall for a character. For example, I'm pretty sure I had invested all of my emotions into Jim by the end of episode 1. This is an extremely unhealthy habit and is sure to have serious consequences. But oh well. Such is life.
I'm about to do some more Psych reading and I must say, although I do not want to read it and most of what I've read is not very interesting, my textbook smells nice.
END OF POST FINALLY NOW.
This could not come at a better time. As of yesterday morning, I have come to the conclusion that I am sick. So, I now have ahead of me a lovely rest day. Yes, I have study to do, but studying at home is much better than being outside, around people in this rainy weather.
So far this morning I have watched "Shortest Celebrity Unions." Yes, I spent nearly an hour of my life watching a show about celebrities who divorce quickly. My goodness, it is awful. I mean, do they not get the concept of marriage? Oh well, it was entertaining. I kinda like hearing about celebrities' lives... and marriage... so it was good. I learnt stuff too. I never knew Macauley Caulkin got married. Granted, I didn't know who half the people on the show where anyway... If anything, I only ever knew half of the couple...
On Saturday I randomly decided to start watching The Office (US version for now... I do want to watch the original UK one too) as it has been all over my Tumblr dashboard for a long time. I had to see what it was about. I remember once my dad going on about how the Americans like to steal really good British shows and make their own version and it turns out sucking. I believe he used The Office as an example. I wonder if he's ever seen it, though, because I have to say- it is funny. I really like it and have been addicted since Saturday afternoon. This was bad as I had a test on Monday and told myself on Saturday night that I could not watch anymore episodes until after the test.
... I watched, like, 6 episodes on Sunday and one on Monday morning before leaving...
As a matter of fact, I'm about to watch an episode now.
Now, despite me loving this show and finding it very funny, I often feel depressed after watching it and I kind of know why. It is Jim's fault. Jim is my favourite character. He is probably the most normal character and is funny and nice and cool and awesome and adorable and in love with the receptionist who is engaged to another man and it just makes me all depressed and my emotions and I do not know.
I saw a guy at uni yesterday who kinda looked like Jim.
I was really close to the end of this episode and it froze. Sigh.
And now the next episode doesn't have a working link. My goodness the world and internet hates me. It is true.
The episode re-loaded and I finished it and Jim aaahhhhhh ditching the wedding to go to Australia and Pam is all sad and he's all not wanting to see her get married because he loves her and ah Jim. <- This is what this show does to me...
Oh well- next episode!
This episode froze in nearly the exact same spot as the last one. Coincidence? I think not!
So, people, I may have a job. That is my exciting news. I mean, I don't want to say it's a definite yet... My mother went to a bakery and heard a guy saying he'd bring his son in to apply for a job there and the bakery woman was all, "Ah, I'd prefer a girl...." and my mum asked her questions and said she'd bring me in on Saturday. So, I went in on Saturday, handed in my resume and the woman told me that it would be a good idea to write down all the stuff they sell and the prices, to start learning. I did that and organised that I will come in for a practice in Friday afternoon. If I do not epically stuff the practice up, I should be working at a bakery, slicing bread, sweeping floors and serving customers from about 7-12 on Saturdays (not sure about Sundays). Frankly, that sounds good to me and I hope I don't stuff it up as a job would be great right now and I've been looking for months with no success. *fingers crossed*
I should really do some uni study now... Or watch more of The Office...
I don't want to read stuff.........
Um. I think that episode ended with a deep metaphor and if I interpreted it correctly, I may now want to cry.
I think this is going to be one of those posts that I just keep here all day and write random junk in until I have to leave the computer (or go to bed) and I finally post it. It shall be the story of my day. Tuesday the 20th of March 2012.
Can you believe it's already the 20th of March? I cannot...
Yesterday I was thinking about how nearly three months of this year have already gone by. I had so many expectations for this year. For it to be so much better than 2011, for so many things to change and get better. None of my expectations have really come true. I have had a lot of bombshells dropped on me and a lot of stuff has gone done yet, somehow, I have made it through nearly 3 months.
I survived 2011 and have survived three very interesting and tough and unexpected months of 2012. Well, unless I die in the next week, but I'm hoping that doesn't happen...
Let's hope I can survive the next 9 months too.
Um. I am now up to the Season 2 finale and I know what happens and I shall cry and/or feel depressed for the rest of the day. Should be fun.
I've grabbed myself a handful of M&Ms and am ready to watch this. Well, not really... emotionally.
... I watched it. I'm crying. It was an awful ending and now I don't think I can leave and not watch episode 1 of Season 3. But I must leave. I have study to do. I feel sick. And sad. And I'm teary. And asdfghjkl Jim. He will be the death of me. Until I finish this show and watch another one and get so emotionally attached to another character and then they will kill me. It is the story of my life.
I just found the new How I Met Your Mother. Dang it. I had told myself I would do some Psych readings and not watch The Office (as my heart has been broken enough and I vaguely know what happens next episode and my heart will be shattered) but now I must see new HIMYM.
... These readings are so boring and I do not care and I just want to watch HIMYM and The Office and not do work because this is boring. BORING.
I studied. For, like, 45 minutes or something and watched HIMYM.
Well, some old episodes of Friends are on soon and I have some more reading to do, I guess...
You know what I really enjoy doing? Cooking. I used to just like to bake cakes and cookies but I really like cooking dinner for the family too. I don't quite know what it is, I just like to cook. I mean, it is really nice to cook food for people, have them eat and be happy and tell you it tastes good. I guess it's like anything else... Performing music is great because it's so nice when people tell you you sounded good. It's nice to hear people say what you did is good and I never cook disgusting food so, even if they don't love what I cooked, they never hate it.
... Jim doesn't return to Scranton till the end of season 3?!?!?! I cannot handle that!! THE SCRANTON BRANCH SUCKS SO HARD WITHOUT HIM. ASDFGHJKL.
I do not know how I fell in love with a character so quickly.
I have a theory! The more frequently you become emotionally attached to characters, the quicker it happens. For example, it probably used to take me a little while to become so emotionally invested in characters. Now however, there is basically at least one character per TV show/anime that I am emotionally invested in and now, it barely takes anytime to fall for a character. For example, I'm pretty sure I had invested all of my emotions into Jim by the end of episode 1. This is an extremely unhealthy habit and is sure to have serious consequences. But oh well. Such is life.
I'm about to do some more Psych reading and I must say, although I do not want to read it and most of what I've read is not very interesting, my textbook smells nice.
END OF POST FINALLY NOW.
Saturday 10 March 2012
Nobody Asked You, Patrice!
You know what I find somewhat interesting? How quickly moods can change. I mean, how one can go from being seemingly happy and fine with everything to wanting to cry their eyes out within the space of a minute or so.
That's what I have found anyway, especially in the past couple of days.
During the day at uni, I am all good. I am in classes, trying to learn, or trying to stay awake in the case of PSYC1040 (Research Methods & Statistics 1...). During breaks I usually see a couple of my friends, eat some lunch, go study in the library and after all my classes, I go home. I feel pretty good during the day, albeit usually tired. Then, once I get on the bus or train, my mood just... plummets. Especially the train, lately. It seems like, when I am around others, I can feel OK, but once I am left alone with my own thoughts, everything that has been upsetting me lately just pops into my head and doesn't leave until I'm surrounded by other people and activities.
I guess it's the fact that being at university, around people and learning distracts my mind but when I am alone, there is nothing to distract me.
So, there are a couple of things that have happened in my life in the past month or two that have been... hard to deal with and those are the things that have been jumping into my mind several times a day. When I think about it, the only word I can use to describe it is 'haunting'. Sounds kinda creepy... But, it feels like these things are haunting me. Especially one thing. It feels like this... 'person' is haunting me and will not leave me alone. I feel like the only thing that will get rid of it is some sort of closure, but I have no clue how to get that.
On Sunday I got some kind of closure about another that has been upsetting me and that isn't worrying me as much. It is still upsetting, but I am feeling better about it and trying to think that it will be OK.
I got some sort of closure about another thing on Friday and am slowly getting better in that regard.
That just leaves one thing...
I've told my mum about these things upsetting me and how I'm sick of feeling sad about them and how I feel I shouldn't still upset about them and she has told me that it's OK to be sad.
I mean, I know that, but there's a difference between not thinking it's OK to be sad and just being sick of it. I'm over it and do not know how I can get this stuff to stop haunting my mind.
----------------------------------------END DEPRESSING POST----------------------------------------------
So, I have finally found a new anime that I am really into and am slowly catching up with, which is really cool. It is called Ano Natsu de Matteru (Waiting in the Summer) and it is about a group of friends who meet a new girl and her strange friend and decide to film a movie together. The main guy has obvious feelings for the new girl who begins living with him but it turns out she is an alien, though no one knows yet (I've only seen 4 episodes). It is actually quite good and really quite funny. Also... LOVE TRIANGLES FTW, yo. I needed a romance-y anime, since the only other one I've been watching lately is Another which is horror.
OH! I forgot about Chihayafuru... I'm so behind in that. Even though I didn't love it, I feel like I need to finish it, even though I have my own ideas on how it will end... It's probably finished by now. Whoops.
Just checked and it's not finished yet, haha.
Well, I think I have to go cook risotto now... Mmm. Hopefully it is good :)
-------------------------------------------------MUCH LATER-------------------------------------------------------
My risotto was delicious :) I'm off to bed now as tomorrow I must arise for church and then go out for lunch to celebrate my grandmother's 82nd or 83rd (I keep forgetting) birthday :)
... And then come home and study *sigh*
That's what I have found anyway, especially in the past couple of days.
During the day at uni, I am all good. I am in classes, trying to learn, or trying to stay awake in the case of PSYC1040 (Research Methods & Statistics 1...). During breaks I usually see a couple of my friends, eat some lunch, go study in the library and after all my classes, I go home. I feel pretty good during the day, albeit usually tired. Then, once I get on the bus or train, my mood just... plummets. Especially the train, lately. It seems like, when I am around others, I can feel OK, but once I am left alone with my own thoughts, everything that has been upsetting me lately just pops into my head and doesn't leave until I'm surrounded by other people and activities.
I guess it's the fact that being at university, around people and learning distracts my mind but when I am alone, there is nothing to distract me.
So, there are a couple of things that have happened in my life in the past month or two that have been... hard to deal with and those are the things that have been jumping into my mind several times a day. When I think about it, the only word I can use to describe it is 'haunting'. Sounds kinda creepy... But, it feels like these things are haunting me. Especially one thing. It feels like this... 'person' is haunting me and will not leave me alone. I feel like the only thing that will get rid of it is some sort of closure, but I have no clue how to get that.
On Sunday I got some kind of closure about another that has been upsetting me and that isn't worrying me as much. It is still upsetting, but I am feeling better about it and trying to think that it will be OK.
I got some sort of closure about another thing on Friday and am slowly getting better in that regard.
That just leaves one thing...
I've told my mum about these things upsetting me and how I'm sick of feeling sad about them and how I feel I shouldn't still upset about them and she has told me that it's OK to be sad.
I mean, I know that, but there's a difference between not thinking it's OK to be sad and just being sick of it. I'm over it and do not know how I can get this stuff to stop haunting my mind.
----------------------------------------END DEPRESSING POST----------------------------------------------
So, I have finally found a new anime that I am really into and am slowly catching up with, which is really cool. It is called Ano Natsu de Matteru (Waiting in the Summer) and it is about a group of friends who meet a new girl and her strange friend and decide to film a movie together. The main guy has obvious feelings for the new girl who begins living with him but it turns out she is an alien, though no one knows yet (I've only seen 4 episodes). It is actually quite good and really quite funny. Also... LOVE TRIANGLES FTW, yo. I needed a romance-y anime, since the only other one I've been watching lately is Another which is horror.
OH! I forgot about Chihayafuru... I'm so behind in that. Even though I didn't love it, I feel like I need to finish it, even though I have my own ideas on how it will end... It's probably finished by now. Whoops.
Just checked and it's not finished yet, haha.
Well, I think I have to go cook risotto now... Mmm. Hopefully it is good :)
-------------------------------------------------MUCH LATER-------------------------------------------------------
My risotto was delicious :) I'm off to bed now as tomorrow I must arise for church and then go out for lunch to celebrate my grandmother's 82nd or 83rd (I keep forgetting) birthday :)
... And then come home and study *sigh*
Monday 27 February 2012
Please Be Nice To Me
Hello internet dwellers!
Today I embarked on my first day of university and you know what? It was actually pretty cool.
RE-CAP TIME.
I woke up at 6:30 this morning and went for a half-an-hour walk while listening to catchy Japanese music. Suddenly, in the middle of one of my favourite Japanese songs (because I cannot help but feel so happy when I listen to it), it hit me: in about 4 hours, I would be in a lecture starting to learn the language he was singing. That was weird.
I went home and had breakfast, had a shower, got dressed and packed my bag. Then I realised I was almost completely ready to go an hour before I needed to, so I sat in my room and watched two episodes of How I Met Your Mother, which was a good way to keep my mind off the fact that I was about to start university.
I caught the train and, one stop after my own, saw two friends get onto my carriage, so we all hung out. At uni, one of those friends and I went on a hunt to find a building that I will need every Wednesday and Thursday and eventually found it tucked away at the back of another building.
Then, I had my first Japanese lecture, with Phantomess. I was nervous, but excited. I still am. We learnt basic introductions and had to practice them on the person next to us which, for me, was Phantomess. Then, the lecturer came over to us and got us to stand up and perform the introductions for the class. I was so terrified, but the lecturer said, "Perfect!" afterwards, so I guess I don't suck too much. Yet. We have to learn all hiragana (one of the four Japanese writing systems) in two weeks and have to learn about 25 of the characters by our tutorials this week which, for me, is Thursday. I have learnt 15 so far this afternoon and everytime I have mastered writing and recognising one, I get so excited. I can read and write these:
あ い う え お か き く け こ
Well, I have a little trouble remembering the second last one, but the rest are good. I am so happy with that.
Anyway, then I had lunch, saw quite a few people I knew and chatted, before helping Phantomess find a room and finding my own. Then, I had a Music course, that I am taking as an elective. It was long and filled with people who seemed talented and like they knew a lot more than me, but whatever. It was relatively interesting and I am there to learn, so who cares if others know more?
Then I left and started my public transport home, got home and started studying hiragana.
I'm pretty excited about university. I don't know, I guess I'm just excited to learn. I guess it's because all of things I am studying (Japanese, Psychology and Music) interest me so much and I like them and genuinely want to learn about all of them- unlike high school.
I just hope I do well. I want to do well, academically. Get Distinctions or High Distinctions and have the opportunity to do Honours in Psych and further study if I want to, so I'm going to try and not slack off at all, even now, in first week. Hence, I started my hiragana study right away and I am planning to do more tomorrow and Wednesday and to revise my Music notes tomorrow, since I have a day off.
I'm a little worried that both of these courses have gone so well so far and Psych (the one I've been most looking forward to, as it is my primary study, interest and career idea) won't be as good, but I should not worry. It will be fine.
I cleared the laptop off my desk for Jap study and now I have to write with it on my lap or my laundry basket. It hurts my neck to use it off my laundry basket but burns my legs on my lap. I should clear my Jap stuff, since I'm basically done for tonight anyway. I feel like watching TV now. さよなら！
Today I embarked on my first day of university and you know what? It was actually pretty cool.
RE-CAP TIME.
I woke up at 6:30 this morning and went for a half-an-hour walk while listening to catchy Japanese music. Suddenly, in the middle of one of my favourite Japanese songs (because I cannot help but feel so happy when I listen to it), it hit me: in about 4 hours, I would be in a lecture starting to learn the language he was singing. That was weird.
I went home and had breakfast, had a shower, got dressed and packed my bag. Then I realised I was almost completely ready to go an hour before I needed to, so I sat in my room and watched two episodes of How I Met Your Mother, which was a good way to keep my mind off the fact that I was about to start university.
I caught the train and, one stop after my own, saw two friends get onto my carriage, so we all hung out. At uni, one of those friends and I went on a hunt to find a building that I will need every Wednesday and Thursday and eventually found it tucked away at the back of another building.
Then, I had my first Japanese lecture, with Phantomess. I was nervous, but excited. I still am. We learnt basic introductions and had to practice them on the person next to us which, for me, was Phantomess. Then, the lecturer came over to us and got us to stand up and perform the introductions for the class. I was so terrified, but the lecturer said, "Perfect!" afterwards, so I guess I don't suck too much. Yet. We have to learn all hiragana (one of the four Japanese writing systems) in two weeks and have to learn about 25 of the characters by our tutorials this week which, for me, is Thursday. I have learnt 15 so far this afternoon and everytime I have mastered writing and recognising one, I get so excited. I can read and write these:
あ い う え お か き く け こ
Well, I have a little trouble remembering the second last one, but the rest are good. I am so happy with that.
Anyway, then I had lunch, saw quite a few people I knew and chatted, before helping Phantomess find a room and finding my own. Then, I had a Music course, that I am taking as an elective. It was long and filled with people who seemed talented and like they knew a lot more than me, but whatever. It was relatively interesting and I am there to learn, so who cares if others know more?
Then I left and started my public transport home, got home and started studying hiragana.
I'm pretty excited about university. I don't know, I guess I'm just excited to learn. I guess it's because all of things I am studying (Japanese, Psychology and Music) interest me so much and I like them and genuinely want to learn about all of them- unlike high school.
I just hope I do well. I want to do well, academically. Get Distinctions or High Distinctions and have the opportunity to do Honours in Psych and further study if I want to, so I'm going to try and not slack off at all, even now, in first week. Hence, I started my hiragana study right away and I am planning to do more tomorrow and Wednesday and to revise my Music notes tomorrow, since I have a day off.
I'm a little worried that both of these courses have gone so well so far and Psych (the one I've been most looking forward to, as it is my primary study, interest and career idea) won't be as good, but I should not worry. It will be fine.
I cleared the laptop off my desk for Jap study and now I have to write with it on my lap or my laundry basket. It hurts my neck to use it off my laundry basket but burns my legs on my lap. I should clear my Jap stuff, since I'm basically done for tonight anyway. I feel like watching TV now. さよなら！
Saturday 18 February 2012
Sitting in an Economics Lecture, Running Around Campus, Finding Yourself in a Shopping Complex and Never Making it to Music
For years I have had this recurring dream around the same time every year. Now, the dream is never exactly the same, but has always had the same theme.
Every year for years, a week or two before school starts, I have a dream of being late to my first day of school. I usually have so many things to do that I'm late by the time I finish them, the things I have to keep piling up, or I simply can't find my school or classroom. The more I try to get there, the later and later it gets. I don't know how the dreams usually end, but I don't think I've ever really made it to school.
My parents know about this and we'd been talking this year, when my brothers went back to school, about how I hadn't had this dream yet, because I graduated school. We'd all wondered if I would have one about being late to university though.
That happened last night- just over a week before university starts. I dreamt that I was at uni and met a girl. We talked and I decided to sit in on her lecture (because my Music lecture wasn't starting for another hour or so). Her lecture was something like Business or Economics. Half way through, I realised that my Music lecture actually did start at the same time as this one and I was about 30 minutes late. I left the lecture and went to find my Music one. I thought I knew where the classroom was, but ended up getting lost and I found myself surrounded by museums and art galleries and, at one point, shops (I think there was a toy shop). I saw a guy from my class at school and he was in a wheelchair with his foot bandaged up. I had to try and help him a little, but I really just wanted to leave because I was so late. Eventually, I realised where I was supposed to be and got myself to the food court, where it was raining and I ran through it, joined by one of my friends (I have no clue who). I finally found myself near the building that the Music lecture would be in, but it was time that the lecture would finishing. I decided I'd talk to the lecturer, explain my story and ask him what I missed. First, the building was near the water and I was near a young, pretty woman who was obviously a Music lecturer giving out assignments to her young, pretty students, but she was not my lecturer. That is all I remember before I woke up...
This is, oddly enough, the usual kind of "format" for my Late Dreams. Needing to get to class, not being able to find it, having things to do, becoming later and later, never getting there.
I've read that dreams of being late represents a fear of change. This makes sense to me. I've never been a huge fan of change and it would make sense that I'm fearing it now. My life is changing a lot and this year has barely begun, but so many things have changed already and I have already had a lot of trouble dealing with some of them.
I've started cleaning more. A lot more. I have found myself liking cleaning now and it makes me feel happier. I know this is unhealthy though, with my small knowledge of Psychology and Psychopathology, but I am also having a lot of trouble getting myself to change. Well, I don't find it hard to change, as such. I find it hard to change myself into the person I'd like.
Increasingly every day, I cannot wait until the day I can finally pack up and move to New York City. I will buy myself an old, small apartment, unpack all my things, find myself a job I love, make new friends and just live a new life being the person I want. I know it's a hard dream to get to, but it's the only dream I have right now and I feel like someday, with a lot of work, I might just be able to get there. I think it would be good for me. It'd force me to be independent, which I want, and I'd be forced to meet new people, which is also important for me.
This past week I was part of a program at my university to introduce first year students to university life. We were put in groups, made to meet new people and giving lectures on everything from reading and writing to stress management. It was good for me. I mean, the lectures were boring and some things really freaked me out, but being forced to meet new people was important. I am very bad at that and I have always found it really hard and an uncomfortable thing to do, so it was good to be forced to do that. I still think it will be the hardest thing about university for me and I have already thought that it is likely I will be very study-orientated, but we'll see what happens, I guess.
Well, it felt kinda good to blog for the first time in months.
Every year for years, a week or two before school starts, I have a dream of being late to my first day of school. I usually have so many things to do that I'm late by the time I finish them, the things I have to keep piling up, or I simply can't find my school or classroom. The more I try to get there, the later and later it gets. I don't know how the dreams usually end, but I don't think I've ever really made it to school.
My parents know about this and we'd been talking this year, when my brothers went back to school, about how I hadn't had this dream yet, because I graduated school. We'd all wondered if I would have one about being late to university though.
That happened last night- just over a week before university starts. I dreamt that I was at uni and met a girl. We talked and I decided to sit in on her lecture (because my Music lecture wasn't starting for another hour or so). Her lecture was something like Business or Economics. Half way through, I realised that my Music lecture actually did start at the same time as this one and I was about 30 minutes late. I left the lecture and went to find my Music one. I thought I knew where the classroom was, but ended up getting lost and I found myself surrounded by museums and art galleries and, at one point, shops (I think there was a toy shop). I saw a guy from my class at school and he was in a wheelchair with his foot bandaged up. I had to try and help him a little, but I really just wanted to leave because I was so late. Eventually, I realised where I was supposed to be and got myself to the food court, where it was raining and I ran through it, joined by one of my friends (I have no clue who). I finally found myself near the building that the Music lecture would be in, but it was time that the lecture would finishing. I decided I'd talk to the lecturer, explain my story and ask him what I missed. First, the building was near the water and I was near a young, pretty woman who was obviously a Music lecturer giving out assignments to her young, pretty students, but she was not my lecturer. That is all I remember before I woke up...
This is, oddly enough, the usual kind of "format" for my Late Dreams. Needing to get to class, not being able to find it, having things to do, becoming later and later, never getting there.
I've read that dreams of being late represents a fear of change. This makes sense to me. I've never been a huge fan of change and it would make sense that I'm fearing it now. My life is changing a lot and this year has barely begun, but so many things have changed already and I have already had a lot of trouble dealing with some of them.
I've started cleaning more. A lot more. I have found myself liking cleaning now and it makes me feel happier. I know this is unhealthy though, with my small knowledge of Psychology and Psychopathology, but I am also having a lot of trouble getting myself to change. Well, I don't find it hard to change, as such. I find it hard to change myself into the person I'd like.
Increasingly every day, I cannot wait until the day I can finally pack up and move to New York City. I will buy myself an old, small apartment, unpack all my things, find myself a job I love, make new friends and just live a new life being the person I want. I know it's a hard dream to get to, but it's the only dream I have right now and I feel like someday, with a lot of work, I might just be able to get there. I think it would be good for me. It'd force me to be independent, which I want, and I'd be forced to meet new people, which is also important for me.
This past week I was part of a program at my university to introduce first year students to university life. We were put in groups, made to meet new people and giving lectures on everything from reading and writing to stress management. It was good for me. I mean, the lectures were boring and some things really freaked me out, but being forced to meet new people was important. I am very bad at that and I have always found it really hard and an uncomfortable thing to do, so it was good to be forced to do that. I still think it will be the hardest thing about university for me and I have already thought that it is likely I will be very study-orientated, but we'll see what happens, I guess.
Well, it felt kinda good to blog for the first time in months.
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