So, 2011 is coming to an end very quickly and as I look back upon this year, there is a lot to reflect upon. Overall, this year wasn't that great for me and I am pretty glad it's over. It's strange how one year can be so different for different people. Some people had a wonderful year while others had the worst year of their life. It's weird. My year wasn't great. It was the most challenging year of my short life.
I mean, I started and finished my last year of high school. Ever. A lot of stuff goes along with that.
I learnt a lot about myself and the people around me this year. I dealt with more stress than I ever have in my entire life and learnt that I don't deal well with it. I realised that I can become clingy. I learnt that I expect too much from myself and the people around me and that all my expectations are unrealistic and will only lead to disappointment.
I have definitely learnt a lot of things I don't like about myself and would like to change. These things will take awhile. I mean, after spending years and years worrying about pretty much everything, it will take a lot of time and work to, you know, stop worrying about everything.
Anyway, I have stopped dwelling too much on the past year and am trying to take things from it, instead of regret things. I am both dreading and looking forward to this New Year's, because 2012 is going to be even bigger and tougher than 2011. The school chapter of my life is done and so far, it's the only real chapter I've known, seeing as though I don't remember anything about my life before kindergarten... Starting university, hopefully getting a job, meeting new people is going to be a crazy and very challenging thing for me, but I've gotten it into my head that there's no point in worrying about it all.
So, I've decided that I'm just going to let things happen. Not in a sit-around-and-do-nothing-while-waiting-for-whatever's-supposed-to-happen-to-happen kind of way. Just in a not-worrying-see-where-things-go-and-see-where-I-end-up kind of way. I think things happen for a reason and I should just go with whatever does happen. If I've chosen the wrong course for next year, I'll figure that out and change. If I found out that university isn't for me, I'll change things. I've just got to calm down and not worry and just see what happens. That's my plan for 2012, I guess.
Well, I guess I'll have more deep thoughts like these on New Year's Eve while in the bedroom of a family friend kind of friend of mine as we sit there awkwardly after spending three hours wondering what to do. I'm not even exaggerating.
Tuesday 27 December 2011
Thursday 22 December 2011
Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
So, it's Christmas Eve Eve here in The Land Down Under and I am, yet again, in the Christmas spirit. I was wrapping presents and now have my favourite Christmas album on while posting this.
So, my family has our own kind of Christmas traditions and I am kinda the one that makes sure these happen every year. Because this is my favourite time of the year, I put a lot of pressure on the day and the season leading up to it to be perfect...
Anyway, here are some of my favourite things about Christmas
- We have Christmas sacks instead of stockings. My brothers and I hang them on our doorknobs and on Christmas morning we wake up, sit together in someone's room and tip them out, finding heaps of lollies and chocolates and chips and, basically, unhealthy junk food. We also always got these packs of little cereal boxes but this year we won't have them (I went shopping with my mum today to buy the lollies... It won't be a surprise for me, but who cares... I know we're getting good stuff) because we realised that the three of us eat the most sugary cereals really quickly and then we are left with boxes of things like Corn Flakes sitting on the bench for months...
- Every single year we go for at least one drive around the suburbs looking at Christmas lights. We put on a Christmas CD and just drive, sometimes stopping off at McDonald's for an ice cream. This year, we took 3 separate drives to go everywhere we wanted to.
- If you know me at all, or have read anything else I've written, you'd know I love the city. Especially at night. I love going to the city and walking through the mall at Christmas time. It's nighttime but it's so bright because of all the lights. It's busy and so pretty. Hopefully we'll be going tonight.
- Usually on the first weekend of December (because it's when my parents are usually off work), we get out all the many Christmas decoration boxes, put on a few Christmas CDs and put up and decorate the tree before decorating the rest of the house.
- Eating chocolate covered sultanas. For some reason, you can only really get them at Christmas time which kinda sucks, because I adore them... On the other hand, it's probably a good thing you can't get them all year, because I'd never stop eating them and I'd be a blimp... Anyway, I'm eating some right now. Mmm...
- Christmas music. I love it. It makes me happy.
- Present shopping in big, busy shopping centres.
- Wrapping presents.
- Giving presents to people.
- The cheap junk, paper crowns and terrible jokes you get inside the cracker things at the table...
- The food. All the wonderful food.
And one other thing I love about Christmas. I love how different Christmas is here in Australia compared to America or Europe. I mean, I see American Christmases all over TV and the contrast is great. I mean, in most of America, it's cold as and a lot of the time, it's snowing. Here, it's hot as and you wear shorts and t-shirts and have the fans and/or air-con on all day.
Now, I can't speak for everyone else but this is how my family's Christmas Day usually goes down.
My brothers and I wake up early and open our aforementioned sacks of lollies. We wake up the parentals and have some kind of unhealthy, quick breakfast. Now, it depends on where we are going for Christmas but we usually get the food ready for wherever we are going, get dressed and then open our presents from each other. We pack everything up and go off to whoever's house we're going to. Once we're there, the women usually go help out the host in making lunch. Whoever's not helping just chats and catches up with the family. Then, eventually, after a lot of cooking, it's lunch time. We have a big lunch with meat and a lot of salads and bread etc. The women often clean up, the kitchen is crowded and the kids gather around the tree bugging the parents by saying, every like, 5 minutes, "Can we open the presents now?" Eventually, the parents come to the tree and a couple of the kids are assigned the job of handing out the presents. The presents are opened and everyone hugs and thanks each other. Dessert probably comes after the presents. It's less formal and everyone just gets some sweet stuff if they want. The adults have coffee and chat and the kids play with their new stuff. Then, nothing much happens. Sometimes people go the park and play soccer or cricket, sometimes the... older... family members have a sleep... Basically, the adults are often tired and the kids just play with their new stuff. Then, eventually, everyone leaves and we drive home and eat leftovers for dinner, if anyone has the room for anything else... That is basically my usual Christmas Day and dang it... I just got myself more excited for Sunday... 2 days, guys!
Anyway, I'm off to watch one of the most depressing How I Met Your Mother episodes ever just because it's the only Christmas episode I haven't seen like, 5 times..
So, my family has our own kind of Christmas traditions and I am kinda the one that makes sure these happen every year. Because this is my favourite time of the year, I put a lot of pressure on the day and the season leading up to it to be perfect...
Anyway, here are some of my favourite things about Christmas
- We have Christmas sacks instead of stockings. My brothers and I hang them on our doorknobs and on Christmas morning we wake up, sit together in someone's room and tip them out, finding heaps of lollies and chocolates and chips and, basically, unhealthy junk food. We also always got these packs of little cereal boxes but this year we won't have them (I went shopping with my mum today to buy the lollies... It won't be a surprise for me, but who cares... I know we're getting good stuff) because we realised that the three of us eat the most sugary cereals really quickly and then we are left with boxes of things like Corn Flakes sitting on the bench for months...
- Every single year we go for at least one drive around the suburbs looking at Christmas lights. We put on a Christmas CD and just drive, sometimes stopping off at McDonald's for an ice cream. This year, we took 3 separate drives to go everywhere we wanted to.
- If you know me at all, or have read anything else I've written, you'd know I love the city. Especially at night. I love going to the city and walking through the mall at Christmas time. It's nighttime but it's so bright because of all the lights. It's busy and so pretty. Hopefully we'll be going tonight.
- Usually on the first weekend of December (because it's when my parents are usually off work), we get out all the many Christmas decoration boxes, put on a few Christmas CDs and put up and decorate the tree before decorating the rest of the house.
- Eating chocolate covered sultanas. For some reason, you can only really get them at Christmas time which kinda sucks, because I adore them... On the other hand, it's probably a good thing you can't get them all year, because I'd never stop eating them and I'd be a blimp... Anyway, I'm eating some right now. Mmm...
- Christmas music. I love it. It makes me happy.
- Present shopping in big, busy shopping centres.
- Wrapping presents.
- Giving presents to people.
- The cheap junk, paper crowns and terrible jokes you get inside the cracker things at the table...
- The food. All the wonderful food.
And one other thing I love about Christmas. I love how different Christmas is here in Australia compared to America or Europe. I mean, I see American Christmases all over TV and the contrast is great. I mean, in most of America, it's cold as and a lot of the time, it's snowing. Here, it's hot as and you wear shorts and t-shirts and have the fans and/or air-con on all day.
Now, I can't speak for everyone else but this is how my family's Christmas Day usually goes down.
My brothers and I wake up early and open our aforementioned sacks of lollies. We wake up the parentals and have some kind of unhealthy, quick breakfast. Now, it depends on where we are going for Christmas but we usually get the food ready for wherever we are going, get dressed and then open our presents from each other. We pack everything up and go off to whoever's house we're going to. Once we're there, the women usually go help out the host in making lunch. Whoever's not helping just chats and catches up with the family. Then, eventually, after a lot of cooking, it's lunch time. We have a big lunch with meat and a lot of salads and bread etc. The women often clean up, the kitchen is crowded and the kids gather around the tree bugging the parents by saying, every like, 5 minutes, "Can we open the presents now?" Eventually, the parents come to the tree and a couple of the kids are assigned the job of handing out the presents. The presents are opened and everyone hugs and thanks each other. Dessert probably comes after the presents. It's less formal and everyone just gets some sweet stuff if they want. The adults have coffee and chat and the kids play with their new stuff. Then, nothing much happens. Sometimes people go the park and play soccer or cricket, sometimes the... older... family members have a sleep... Basically, the adults are often tired and the kids just play with their new stuff. Then, eventually, everyone leaves and we drive home and eat leftovers for dinner, if anyone has the room for anything else... That is basically my usual Christmas Day and dang it... I just got myself more excited for Sunday... 2 days, guys!
Anyway, I'm off to watch one of the most depressing How I Met Your Mother episodes ever just because it's the only Christmas episode I haven't seen like, 5 times..
Thursday 8 December 2011
It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas...
OK, so, I love Christmas. I just love it.
As the song says, "It's the most wonderful time of the year." Honestly, it is my favourite time of the entire year.
I love the way that school ends just before December and everyone gives out cards with candy canes. I love leaving the Christmas CDs in the CD player. I love putting up the tree and decorating the house while listening to the music. I love hearing Christmas music on the radio. I love my family's annual drive around at night, listening to Christmas music, while looking at all the lights. I love the displays at Myer, especially in the city. I love the big tree in the city and how pretty it looks at night with everything lit up. I love shopping for presents for everyone. I love wrapping the presents. I love doing Christmas cooking.
Yes, that all pertains to the Christmas Season, as opposed to Christmas Day itself, but I've realised I prefer the season to the actual day. The day's good, of course, but it only lasts for... a day... The season lasts for like, 25 days give or take.
All of it just makes me so happy. I don't know what it actually is, but just seeing Christmas decorations and hearing a Christmas carol just puts me in a good mood. It's really great. I just... love it all.
I've also realised that I actually love giving presents as much, if not more, than getting them. I mean, going to the shops and thinking about people who you, at least generally, care about and thinking about what they would genuinely like is good fun. Watching people open the presents that you actually thought about and seeing them genuinely like it is also very cool. This is mainly for people like my parents, brothers (strangely) and other close family members...
I am just suddenly, after watching the Phineas & Ferb Christmas episode, overflowing with Christmas spirit and I'm really happy. Strange...
YAY CHRISTMAS.
Sorry, guys...
Anyway, it's all exciting. Yay. YAYBEANS.
So, like, I've been trying to watch Christmas specials of some of my favourite shows, especially How I Met Your Mother, but it turns out the show doesn't actually have that many Christmas specials (I think there are more Thanksgiving episodes... I'm Australian! I don't celebrate Thanksgiving! ) and I've already watched them. I do love How Lily Stole Christmas and False Positive, though, but I've watched them so much... Maybe I should wait till a couple of days before Christmas and watch them again. I just realised there is one I haven't seen in awhile, Little Minnesota and I might just watch that now and then watch them in a marathon on Christmas Eve or the day before or something. I looked up Friends Christmas episodes, but I realised I've seen them all too... Oh well.
As the song says, "It's the most wonderful time of the year." Honestly, it is my favourite time of the entire year.
I love the way that school ends just before December and everyone gives out cards with candy canes. I love leaving the Christmas CDs in the CD player. I love putting up the tree and decorating the house while listening to the music. I love hearing Christmas music on the radio. I love my family's annual drive around at night, listening to Christmas music, while looking at all the lights. I love the displays at Myer, especially in the city. I love the big tree in the city and how pretty it looks at night with everything lit up. I love shopping for presents for everyone. I love wrapping the presents. I love doing Christmas cooking.
Yes, that all pertains to the Christmas Season, as opposed to Christmas Day itself, but I've realised I prefer the season to the actual day. The day's good, of course, but it only lasts for... a day... The season lasts for like, 25 days give or take.
All of it just makes me so happy. I don't know what it actually is, but just seeing Christmas decorations and hearing a Christmas carol just puts me in a good mood. It's really great. I just... love it all.
I've also realised that I actually love giving presents as much, if not more, than getting them. I mean, going to the shops and thinking about people who you, at least generally, care about and thinking about what they would genuinely like is good fun. Watching people open the presents that you actually thought about and seeing them genuinely like it is also very cool. This is mainly for people like my parents, brothers (strangely) and other close family members...
I am just suddenly, after watching the Phineas & Ferb Christmas episode, overflowing with Christmas spirit and I'm really happy. Strange...
YAY CHRISTMAS.
Sorry, guys...
Anyway, it's all exciting. Yay. YAYBEANS.
So, like, I've been trying to watch Christmas specials of some of my favourite shows, especially How I Met Your Mother, but it turns out the show doesn't actually have that many Christmas specials (I think there are more Thanksgiving episodes... I'm Australian! I don't celebrate Thanksgiving! ) and I've already watched them. I do love How Lily Stole Christmas and False Positive, though, but I've watched them so much... Maybe I should wait till a couple of days before Christmas and watch them again. I just realised there is one I haven't seen in awhile, Little Minnesota and I might just watch that now and then watch them in a marathon on Christmas Eve or the day before or something. I looked up Friends Christmas episodes, but I realised I've seen them all too... Oh well.
Wednesday 7 December 2011
Are You Sure You're Not Just Getting Fat?
So, I'm going to try and not rant about this, but the recent episode of How I Met Your Mother has really stuck with me and I think it always will. The basic premise was the fact that Robin thought she was pregnant with Barney's child and she was narrating, in the same way Ted always does, to her children in the future. She then finds out she is not pregnant and is very excited as Robin has never wanted kids. She then finds out that she is actually unable to ever have kids and this basically breaks her. She is extremely upset because, despite the fact that she never wanted children, she always had that option, in case she ever changed her mind, and now it is gone. She then says to her "future children", "The truth is, I'm glad you guys aren't real," and they fade away. This is the moment that every fan's heart broke. She refuses to tell any of her friends what is going on. In the end, despite not knowing what is wrong with her, Ted creates an amazing Christmas display in their apartment and just hugs her as she cries. It brought tears to my eyes.
Anyway, this got me thinking about what I want in my life. Ever since I've started watching this show, I've kinda looked up to the character of Robin as inspiration. Independent, career-driven woman who wants to travel. Now, I am not overly career-driven yet as firstly, I have no job and, secondly, I have no clue what I want my job to be in the future, but I do want to be a traveling independent woman someday, like her.
I don't know about children. There is something I see in mothers lately that makes me just never want to be one. I don't know why. I feel like it just... slows you down or something. You can't be an independent, career-driven, traveling woman once you have kids... Sure, that's great for many women. A family is what they want, but I am conflicted now. I have never, before this year, considered not having kids in my lifetime and I still think that, one day, I will be married with children. I just think it'll be later than I ever thought when I was younger.
I want to get out and be young and travel and get a good career before all that. My mum told me recently that I should have kids young because then I'd have the energy to look after them and stuff like that. But... my mum got married at 22 or 23 and had me at 25. That was pretty normal then but it seems so young to me now. If I did as my mum did, I honestly don't have very long before I should be getting married... Of course, my parents were friends in Year 12 and they got together on their Schoolies week. I sure didn't follow in their footsteps there...
I was talking to my mum the other day about the Bucket List I'm writing (it's a draft post, I'm not finished yet). I told about my dream to one day live in New York. You see, I want to visit Japan, Canada and Spain, but I want to live in New York City one day. The thought of it excites me. I don't know for how long. Even if only for a year before coming back here, I don't care. I don't just want to visit there, because that wouldn't allow me to soak up all of the culture. It's the culture of actually living there and being a New Yorker that grabs me. I don't want to pass through and go to all the big tourist destinations, I want to see all the little things that are an everyday for New Yorkers. I want to hail taxis in the street, I want to go to some little cafes or bars and live in an apartment and so much more. My biggest dream though would be that I have to spend at least one Christmas living in New York. I want to have Christmas there. My parents said that, if I'm living in NYC for Christmas, they're coming to visit me. It would be amazing.
These are the kinds of things I want to do before I "settle down" and have kids. I don't know why I'm thinking about it and worrying now, though. I have years to figure all of this out. I've just got to chill out and see what I want as I go along.
Anyway, I'm getting my hair dyed red this afternoon and I had a bad dream where it didn't turn out how I wanted last night... I woke up freaked out. I'm sure it'll be fine... I hope *fingers crossed*.
Well, I'm hungry, so bye!
Anyway, this got me thinking about what I want in my life. Ever since I've started watching this show, I've kinda looked up to the character of Robin as inspiration. Independent, career-driven woman who wants to travel. Now, I am not overly career-driven yet as firstly, I have no job and, secondly, I have no clue what I want my job to be in the future, but I do want to be a traveling independent woman someday, like her.
I don't know about children. There is something I see in mothers lately that makes me just never want to be one. I don't know why. I feel like it just... slows you down or something. You can't be an independent, career-driven, traveling woman once you have kids... Sure, that's great for many women. A family is what they want, but I am conflicted now. I have never, before this year, considered not having kids in my lifetime and I still think that, one day, I will be married with children. I just think it'll be later than I ever thought when I was younger.
I want to get out and be young and travel and get a good career before all that. My mum told me recently that I should have kids young because then I'd have the energy to look after them and stuff like that. But... my mum got married at 22 or 23 and had me at 25. That was pretty normal then but it seems so young to me now. If I did as my mum did, I honestly don't have very long before I should be getting married... Of course, my parents were friends in Year 12 and they got together on their Schoolies week. I sure didn't follow in their footsteps there...
I was talking to my mum the other day about the Bucket List I'm writing (it's a draft post, I'm not finished yet). I told about my dream to one day live in New York. You see, I want to visit Japan, Canada and Spain, but I want to live in New York City one day. The thought of it excites me. I don't know for how long. Even if only for a year before coming back here, I don't care. I don't just want to visit there, because that wouldn't allow me to soak up all of the culture. It's the culture of actually living there and being a New Yorker that grabs me. I don't want to pass through and go to all the big tourist destinations, I want to see all the little things that are an everyday for New Yorkers. I want to hail taxis in the street, I want to go to some little cafes or bars and live in an apartment and so much more. My biggest dream though would be that I have to spend at least one Christmas living in New York. I want to have Christmas there. My parents said that, if I'm living in NYC for Christmas, they're coming to visit me. It would be amazing.
These are the kinds of things I want to do before I "settle down" and have kids. I don't know why I'm thinking about it and worrying now, though. I have years to figure all of this out. I've just got to chill out and see what I want as I go along.
Anyway, I'm getting my hair dyed red this afternoon and I had a bad dream where it didn't turn out how I wanted last night... I woke up freaked out. I'm sure it'll be fine... I hope *fingers crossed*.
Well, I'm hungry, so bye!
Sunday 4 December 2011
My Bucket List
As it often does, Tumblr has inspired me with an idea. I shall here write my bucket list. A list of things that I, at this point in my life, wish to die before I die or "kick the bucket" as they say. Also, this is in no particular order, guys.
1. Dye my hair red.
2. Go to Japan.
3. Live in New York.
4. See one of my favourite musicals on Broadway (Cats, Wicked, The Phantom of the Opera preferably).
5. See Relient K live.
6. Meet Matt Thiessen.
7. Die my hair some other crazy colour like blue or green or, more likely, that cool white/blonde colour.
8. Get married.
9. Go to Europe.
10. Visit Spain.
11. Finish watching InuYasha (I will finish it. Someday).
12. Take archery classes.
13. Learn Japanese.
14. Learn Spanish (at least some...).
15. Live by myself.
16. Own my own pet. Maybe a cat. Or lots of fish.
17. Cut my hair real short.
18. Learn to play the trumpet (if only quite basically).
19. Teach myself to play all of Poulenc's flute sonata.
20. Visit Canada.
21. Spend Christmas and New Year's in New York.
1. Dye my hair red.
2. Go to Japan.
3. Live in New York.
4. See one of my favourite musicals on Broadway (Cats, Wicked, The Phantom of the Opera preferably).
5. See Relient K live.
6. Meet Matt Thiessen.
7. Die my hair some other crazy colour like blue or green or, more likely, that cool white/blonde colour.
8. Get married.
9. Go to Europe.
10. Visit Spain.
11. Finish watching InuYasha (I will finish it. Someday).
12. Take archery classes.
13. Learn Japanese.
14. Learn Spanish (at least some...).
15. Live by myself.
16. Own my own pet. Maybe a cat. Or lots of fish.
17. Cut my hair real short.
18. Learn to play the trumpet (if only quite basically).
19. Teach myself to play all of Poulenc's flute sonata.
20. Visit Canada.
21. Spend Christmas and New Year's in New York.
Monday 28 November 2011
I Wanted To Be Ginger. I've Never Been Ginger.
I decided I'm going to actually blog again right now, because a lot of stuff has happened in my somewhat mediocre life since my last post at the start of this month.
Well, the most important thing would be the fact that, just over a week ago, I graduated high school! I know, right? It's about time. Yet, it's also too soon.
Yesterday I came back from my Schoolies week- a week where you go away with friends and chill out and basically celebrate not being in school anymore. Most teenagers (including the large majority of my year 12 cohort) spent this week partying and drinking. My friends and I, however, spent the week playing Halo, eating a lot, buying cheap classic books, going to the shops to steal the McDonald's free wi-fi, playing Twister, watching random movies, watching Eurovision and insulting a really slow pizza guy. Who needs drugs and alcohol when you can do that?
I proved to myself that I think I can live by myself. Eventually. I don't mind cleaning or washing up and am responsible enough to know when it needs to be done and responsible enough to plan and cook meals. I am conflicted though. I think I could move out, but everything would feel so empty and somewhat strange if it were just me. This week also taught me, however, that I don't think I could live with other people (other than the immediate family I live with now, of course). Now, I love my friends and I had a fun week and all, but I can be quite loner-ish. I need my own time and my own space and I like doing a lot of things my own way. Not in a selfish way, though. I guess I'm just so used to being at home, in my room able to do what I want. Use my computer and do whatever. Listen to whatever music. Watch whatever. And I am just there, alone, with my own thoughts and emotions. I can act however I want and no one will judge me if I'm in an emotional mood and the fact that I dropped something makes me cry. I don't feel self-conscious about my reactions to things, if that makes sense. I just don't think I could ever live with that many people for more than a week. I think I'm going to need to live alone.
So, today, I started on... rebuilding myself, I guess. That's my project for these long holidays before uni starts. I need to do some rebuilding. Simple things at first such as painting my nails, cleaning and changing my room and slowly building up to doing things like getting a funky haircut and dying it all red. I know it's all small, but I need to do this kinda stuff.
Anyway, today I did the first two things I listed. My room is in the process of being cleaned and changed. There are some things, such as the set out of my desk, that haven't been changed (only really small changes) in about 4 or so years. I've been finally throwing things away that I've been keeping for years. You see, I'm a super sentimental person and it results in some hoarding. Today, I threw most of it out. There are things I just can't bring myself to throw out. Mainly school things. I can't bring myself to throw out my textbooks and notebooks and worksheets and things. They just bring back so many memories and I can't do it.
I've also been trying to make my room grow up more. I've gotten rid of a lot of annoying, teenage girl kind of things as I'm growing up now.
Now, everything's so conflicting right now. One minute I'm all, "Look at me cleaning out all my junk! I am SO ready for university and this new chapter of my life!" and then I find something from school that brings back great memories and I'll tear up and be all, "I can't do this. I can't leave school. I'm not ready." I don't think I am ready, but I know I still need to get ready. It doesn't matter if I am too scared to move on from everything, I can't help it. I've graduated high school and I'm, hopefully, going to university next year, so I'm just going to have to get rid of, or at least hide, the stuff that's making me regress into reminiscing and try and prepare myself as much as possible.
Maybe I'm doing all the Materialistic Preparation and Physical Change because I don't know how to get my mind and emotions ready. I guess I think that, if I get rid of my childish belongings and try and re-invent myself by getting a totally new hairstyle, everything inside of me will fall into place and I'll be ready. Or maybe I'm using it to distract myself from the fact that my mind and emotions are so, so not ready for this huge change.
I'm just so scared of next year. It's become worse now that I've realised I don't want to do what I put as my first preference and I don't want to do anything else I put down. I seriously cannot find anything I actually want to do.
You know what I really want to do? Travel. I just want to leave and go to Europe and Canada and New York and Japan. I want to get away from university and the pressures of not knowing what I want to do and just see the wonderful world.
This would be fine if it weren't for the fact that I have no money. If I had money, I would consider actually doing this. I would just get away. But I have like, $25 or something and I'm unemployed.
Great. I just spent like, at least 20 minutes looking up red hair... I found an entire Tumblr blog dedicated to photos of girls with red hair. I couldn't help myself. I just looked through my "Hair" folder which is filled with photos of red hair and some non-red hairstyles for ideas for cuts. They all look so nice and cool and pretty and cute and none of it will look anywhere as good on me. Hair hates me. I have got it cut pretty regularly since I cut half of it off just over 3 years ago and I try to get nice or somewhat stylish hairstyles. They generally look pretty good for the first day or two, but because I don't know how to use a straightener and blow-dryer very well and don't have the motivation to spend half-an-hour on my hair each day it never stays looking that good. Once I get this next style though, I think I'm going to try and give a damn. I want it to finally look good. I am actually deliberately and majorly changing my appearance and I want it to look the way I want for more than a day after it's done, so I guess I'm going to have to learn how to style it properly. I'm even heavily considering doing something else to change my appearance that I didn't think I'd do for a long time. It's not overly dramatic or anything, it's just dramatic for me and I think it'll surprise my mum when I get the guts to ask her. It is, also, going to mean I'll need more motivation to leave even more time to get ready each morning. I think that'll be tough.
Guys, my hair's not even shoulder length yet. I kinda want it to grow, but I've loved having short hair these past years. You see, I have extremely thick hair. Therefore, having hair anywhere past my shoulders made it very knotty, somewhat frizzy and, because of my lack of style and motivation (and the fact that I was much younger and didn't care as much), ultimately boring. I've had many more interesting styles over the years and my hair over this past year has probably been some of my favourite. Sometimes. I generally like how it's been the past few months (since I got it cut for the formal), but it is boring and I always have it tucked behind my ears. It often looks better over my ears, but I automatically tuck it behind my ears early in the morning and that causes the ends to stick out under my ears and, therefore, if I untuck it, it sticks out and looks stupid, so my hair stays tucked behind my ears forever. Ugh. It was SO hard to keep it over my ears for the formal but I was determined to keep my hair in place and not looking stupid or lame for at least one night. It worked :)
I almost want to get my hair cut uber short, like above the ears, pixie-style kinda thing, but it would be very unlikely it would turn out OK. So, for the moment, I'm sticking with a bob. Bobs are so boring though, in my opinion, unless you have a really funky one with lots of layers and stuff. That's what I'm searching for...
Anyway, now that I'm staying up later than I should looking up various hair ideas, I shall stop blogging for now.
Wednesday 2 November 2011
It's Not That Easy Being Green...
I'm bored. I don't want to go to bed yet. Miss Invisible inspired me. Don't judge me.
Closed. Always closed. When I was younger (like, up until 12-ish) I was terrified people were in my closet watching me, now it just really bugs me if they're not always shut.
2) Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from the hotel?
I haven't stayed in a hotel for ages... but, no.
3) Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
They start tucked in, but end up out very quickly and stay that way...
4) Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
No...
5) Do you like to use post-it notes?
Why yes, yes I do.
6) Do you cut out coupons, but then never use them?
No...
7) Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
Bees I guess...
8) Do you have freckles?
Yes.
9) Do you always smile for pictures?
No. I often look kinda stoned...
10) What is your biggest pet peeve?
I have so many. Grammatical errors is a big one. Misusing 'your' and 'you're' and 'its' and 'it's' etc.
11) Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
Kind of. I more count how many steps I take between cracks. I count steps up stairs...
12) Have you ever peed in the woods?
No..
13) What about pooped in the woods?
Um. No.
14) Do you ever dance even when there is no music playing?
Well if by 'dance' you mean bob your head and body a bit, then yes.
15) Do you chew your pencils or pens?
Yeah...
16) How many people have you slept with this week?
Zilch.
17) What size is your bed?
Single.
18) What is your song of the week?
Savannah by Relient K. It makes me happy and it's romantic and it makes me all romanticy, fangirly, swoony...
19) Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Totes. My dad wears pink. Sometimes. Wear whatever you want, bros.
20) Do you still watch cartoons?
Yes, yes I do. A couple of my favourite TV shows are cartoons...
21) What's your least favourite movie?
Least favourite? I dunno. I know I hated that 10 minutes of The Cat in the Hat I've seen... *shudder*
22) Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
In a secret place.
23) What do you drink with dinner?
Water or juice and occasionally soft drink but mainly water.
24) What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Tomato sauce, mmm.
25) What is your favourite food?
Mexican stuff. Tacos and burritos, especially.
26) What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Do not judge me. Back to the Future, Tangled and Pride and Prejudice are 3 that come to mind. Wow. What a contrast.
27) Last person you kissed/kissed you?
28) Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
LOLNO. That would've involved social interaction...
29) Would you ever strip or pose nude for a magazine?
LOLNO.
30) When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper.
... Just this evening, actually.
31) Can you change the oil on a car?
LOLNOAGAIN.
32) Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
BAHAHA. I barely drive and when I do, I barely make it to the limit, let alone over it.
33) Ever ran out of gas?
Pffssttt no.
34) Favourite kind of sandwich?
Egg and lettuce.
35) Best thing to eat after breakfast?
After breakfast? Morning tea?
36) What is your usual bedtime?
Between 9:30 and 10...
37) Are you lazy?
Yes, quite.
38) When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
I have never celebrated Halloween.
39) What is your Chinese astrological sign?
The dog, yo.
40) How many languages do you speak?
Fluently, one- English! I can speak some Chinese, though :)
41) Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
No, I do not.
42) Which are better, legos or lincoln logs?
I don't know what they are so I did "Eeeny-Meeny-Miny-Moe" and got lincoln logs.
43) Are you stubborn?
Yeahh....44) Who is better? Leno or Letterman?
Eeeny-Meeny-Miny-Moe says Leno.
45) Ever watched soap operas?
Sure, in the waiting room for a doctor or something. Or on midday TV at the grandparent's.
46) Are you afraid of heights?
Quite petrified actually.
47) Do you sing in the car?
Indeed.
48) Do you sing in the shower?
No, actually.
49) Do you dance in the car?
Sometimes.
50) Ever used a gun?
LOLNO
51) Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
At my formal, unless the photos of my band this morning count...
52) Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Some are, indeed.
53) Is Christmas stressful?
Christmas is amazing.
54) Ever eat a pierogi?
No, but I think I shall.
55) Favourite type of fruit pie.
Apple.
56) Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Farmer, Ballerina, Farming Ballerina, Teacher, Author.
57) Do you believe in ghosts?
No.
58) Ever have a deja-vu feeling?
A lot.
59) Take a vitamin daily?
I take supplements...
60) Wear slippers?
Nah, I don't own any anymore.
61) Wear a bath robe?
Uh, no.
62) What do you wear to bed?
PJs, yo.
63) First concert?
I dunno. I've never been to a proper "concert" that I would assume this question is referring to.
64) Wal-mart, Kmart or Target?
Target, guys.
65) Nike or Adidas?
Adidas is more fun to say.
66) Cheetos or Fritos?
What the heck are Fritos? Cheetos all the way.
67) Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Peanuts!
68) Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
No, I have not.
69) Ever take dance lessons?
LOLNO
70) Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
Um. No, actually.
71) Can you curl your tongue?
Kinda.
72) Ever won a spelling bee?
I've been the best in the class in weekly spelling tests...
73) Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
I don't really think so...
74) Own any record albums?
I wish.
75) Own a record player?
I wish.
76) Regularly burn incense?
Nup. Don't like it much.
77) Ever been in love?
78) Who would you like to see in concert?
Relient K and Paradise Oskar, much?
79) What was the last concert you saw?
We've been over this.
80) Hot tea or cold tea?
I don't like tea.
81) Tea or coffee?
Coffee I guess... but only iced.
82) Sugar or snickerdoodles?
Sugar...
83) Can you swim well?
I'm alright.
84) Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
Yeah.
85) Are you patient?
LOLNOAGAINIKEEPUSINGTHISRESPONSEOHWELL
86) DJ or band at wedding?
Band :)
87) Ever won a contest?
Doubt it. Can't think right now.
88) Ever have plastic surgery?
Heck no, gurl.
89) Which are better, black or green olives?
Black. Yummy.
90) Can you knit or crochet?
Noooo
91) Best room for a fireplace?
Loungeroom.
92) Do you want to get married?
Heck yeah.
93) If married, how long have you been married?
49 years to Miss Gojo and still going strong.
94) Who was your high school crush?
Your mother.
95) Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
What....? Noooo *shifty eyes*
96) Do you have kids?
Totes.................. *shifty eyes again*
97) Do you want kids?
Quite possibly.
98) What's your favourite colour?
Orange
99) Do you miss anyone right now?
I kinda miss my bed and I miss TV characters :P But not really, no.
Quite petrified actually.
47) Do you sing in the car?
Indeed.
48) Do you sing in the shower?
No, actually.
49) Do you dance in the car?
Sometimes.
50) Ever used a gun?
LOLNO
51) Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
At my formal, unless the photos of my band this morning count...
52) Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Some are, indeed.
53) Is Christmas stressful?
Christmas is amazing.
54) Ever eat a pierogi?
No, but I think I shall.
55) Favourite type of fruit pie.
Apple.
56) Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Farmer, Ballerina, Farming Ballerina, Teacher, Author.
57) Do you believe in ghosts?
No.
58) Ever have a deja-vu feeling?
A lot.
59) Take a vitamin daily?
I take supplements...
60) Wear slippers?
Nah, I don't own any anymore.
61) Wear a bath robe?
Uh, no.
62) What do you wear to bed?
PJs, yo.
63) First concert?
I dunno. I've never been to a proper "concert" that I would assume this question is referring to.
64) Wal-mart, Kmart or Target?
Target, guys.
65) Nike or Adidas?
Adidas is more fun to say.
66) Cheetos or Fritos?
What the heck are Fritos? Cheetos all the way.
67) Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Peanuts!
68) Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
No, I have not.
69) Ever take dance lessons?
LOLNO
70) Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
Um. No, actually.
71) Can you curl your tongue?
Kinda.
72) Ever won a spelling bee?
I've been the best in the class in weekly spelling tests...
73) Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
I don't really think so...
74) Own any record albums?
I wish.
75) Own a record player?
I wish.
76) Regularly burn incense?
Nup. Don't like it much.
77) Ever been in love?
78) Who would you like to see in concert?
Relient K and Paradise Oskar, much?
79) What was the last concert you saw?
We've been over this.
80) Hot tea or cold tea?
I don't like tea.
81) Tea or coffee?
Coffee I guess... but only iced.
82) Sugar or snickerdoodles?
Sugar...
83) Can you swim well?
I'm alright.
84) Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
Yeah.
85) Are you patient?
LOLNOAGAINIKEEPUSINGTHISRESPONSEOHWELL
86) DJ or band at wedding?
Band :)
87) Ever won a contest?
Doubt it. Can't think right now.
88) Ever have plastic surgery?
Heck no, gurl.
89) Which are better, black or green olives?
Black. Yummy.
90) Can you knit or crochet?
Noooo
91) Best room for a fireplace?
Loungeroom.
92) Do you want to get married?
Heck yeah.
93) If married, how long have you been married?
49 years to Miss Gojo and still going strong.
94) Who was your high school crush?
Your mother.
95) Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
What....? Noooo *shifty eyes*
96) Do you have kids?
Totes.................. *shifty eyes again*
97) Do you want kids?
Quite possibly.
98) What's your favourite colour?
Orange
99) Do you miss anyone right now?
I kinda miss my bed and I miss TV characters :P But not really, no.
Monday 31 October 2011
It's Like Paintball, Only With Naps!
I have three weeks left of school. Ever. To be specific, 14 days not including weekends. 14.
When I was younger, I had many dreams about what I wanted to be when I grew up, as I guess everyone did. The older I got, the less of an idea I had. I guess it's because, when we're kids, we know we have ages to decide. We also don't realise the work that has to go into being any of these things. I didn't know the work that would be involved in being a farmer or a ballerina, let alone a farming ballerina (Yes, I wanted to do this at one stage at my life). The older you get, the more realistic you get. You realise that things aren't that easy. You can actually see some sort of a future ahead of you, so you realise how important your decisions and career actually is, as opposed to some fun, childish dream.
I'm extremely envious of all those people who have just always known what they want to be. They know what they love, they know what they're good at, they have a passion and they've always had a dream. Miss Invisible's one of them. Ever since I met her, 6 years ago, she wanted to be a vet or basically, work with animals. When you're like, 11 or 12, lots of little girls want to be vets and adults don't really expect that to be their dream forever, but Miss Invisible's dream hasn't wavered. Sure, she now wants to work with wild animals like lions and tigers and elephants etc., but she's kept her dream and her passion and I think it's pretty cool.
Since I was younger (once I got over the farming ballerina stage (look, it's not that weird. My grandfather was a farmer, so I guess I was inspired by him or something, and I was a little girl- I wanted to be a pretty ballerina. I was creative- I created my own job. Imaging a ballerina dancing around cows in the country is amusing though...) and grew up a little), I've wanted to be a teacher. I don't exactly know why. I think it's a combination of the fact that my dad was a teacher and I always loved correcting things. Anything. I'd correct anything my brother's wrote and loved it. We had a whiteboard on an easel and I loved playing schools with my brother. I was always the teacher though. I'd love to give them spelling tests and correct them.
I grew up and things changed again. I wanted to be an author at one stage. An interior decorator at one stage. These dreams were always short-lived and everything came back to teaching. It didn't matter then, because I had years to figure it out.
It's gotten worse over the past two or so years. And this year's been the worst of all. The closer I get to graduating and starting university where I am supposed to study something to give me a career I want, the more indecisive I become. I go from wanting to study Psychology but not wanting to be a Psychologist, to wanting to learn Spanish so I can go to Spain, to maybe wanting to be a Psychologist after all, to wanting to be an instrumental teacher, to wanting to study Psychology but not be a Psychologist again, to wanting to study Japanese so I can go to Japan and now, where I am again, wanting to be an instrumental teacher. I've gone through all of those phases many times this year and I am on the edge now.
Heaps of people are all, "I'd want to be a teacher, but I hate the thought of having to spend the rest of my life in school." I understand that, for some people, but not for me. I was talking to this guy from school on the bus once and he told me he kinda wants to be a teacher (which kinda surprised me) and told me that it might be weird, but he loves school. I've thought about that many times and realised I'm the same. Now, this year, I've hated school. Hated it. But there's so much I love about it. I love knowing everything about this place. I love knowing where everything is, who everyone is, where I should go, when I should go there, what I'll be doing once I'm there and who'll be there with me. It's just so comfortable. I just know my place and I like that. I know that's bad and I really need to get out of my comfort zone and I can't always live in a sheltered society where I know everything and uni is going to help me start that, but I still love the comfort.
Ever since I was around 12 years old, people have told me I'd make a good teacher. I don't know why they've told me that. I'm pretty impatient. I yelled at my brothers when I tried to teach them flute because they couldn't get the embouchure right... But, I dunno, they're my brothers, it's different.
Now, you may be thinking, "OK. You've always had this thing for teaching. You love school. People say you'd be good. Well... become a teacher. What the heck's your problem, girl?" You would be justified in thinking that. But... It's the problem of qualifications. I want to teach instruments, if anything. Woodwind. But, I don't want to study music. Studying education would be OK, because the Instrumental Music Teaching Subject looks pretty doable, but the only other relevant elective subject is Classroom Music and I just know I couldn't do it. It's not just a lack of faith in myself and my abilities or anything, I just can't play piano and I can't sing and I can't memorise piano pieces and sing intervals and stuff like that, which is required. I don't have that many musical skills. I could get them, but I don't want to do the things that would involve gaining those skills.
I would like to be a private tuition teacher. I could teach kids how to play the flute and saxophone from a room in my house (once I finally move out, that is...), but that's not a full-time job and I worry that no one would want to be taught by some random in her house. And, although that sounds cool for awhile and doesn't require as many qualifications (All my high school experience looks half-impressive written down, to people who aren't in the music business, so they're likely not to care as much if I don't have a degree), but I'd want to go to a school at some stage. That requires qualifications. Qualifications I won't have.
I just have a great dream of living alone in an old, but not decrepit, two bedroom home in an inner city suburb and having quirky stuff all through my house, having it looked lived-in (not overly clean, but not messy) and a pet cat and shelf of movies and box sets of my favourite TV shows and anime and a book shelf full of books and manga. Every morning I'll get up and drive in my old bomb of a car to the school I work at and I'll teach kids to play the flute and saxophone and maybe, someday, the clarinet too. I'll drive home in the afternoon and be in my quiet, peaceful home. Some nights I'll go out with friends, to a restaurant or coffee shops or shopping or something. On weekends I'll have with friends. Some times I'll go out for coffee with my mum, because she won't want to come to my house too much due to her being allergic to cats. Once a week or fortnight, I'll go to the gym and totes be fit. I'll go for morning walks as well. I'll have movie nights and mexican fiesta nights with friends. I'll be independent and be doing what I want.
That's my dream and I want it so bad. I wish I could graduate from school and go straight to that. I just don't know how I can get to that.
I wish someone could just come up to me say, "You're going to do *insert career here* and you're going to be good at it and love it and this is how you're going to get there- *insert uni course here* and that is actually doable." I need that. Bad.
When I was younger, I had many dreams about what I wanted to be when I grew up, as I guess everyone did. The older I got, the less of an idea I had. I guess it's because, when we're kids, we know we have ages to decide. We also don't realise the work that has to go into being any of these things. I didn't know the work that would be involved in being a farmer or a ballerina, let alone a farming ballerina (Yes, I wanted to do this at one stage at my life). The older you get, the more realistic you get. You realise that things aren't that easy. You can actually see some sort of a future ahead of you, so you realise how important your decisions and career actually is, as opposed to some fun, childish dream.
I'm extremely envious of all those people who have just always known what they want to be. They know what they love, they know what they're good at, they have a passion and they've always had a dream. Miss Invisible's one of them. Ever since I met her, 6 years ago, she wanted to be a vet or basically, work with animals. When you're like, 11 or 12, lots of little girls want to be vets and adults don't really expect that to be their dream forever, but Miss Invisible's dream hasn't wavered. Sure, she now wants to work with wild animals like lions and tigers and elephants etc., but she's kept her dream and her passion and I think it's pretty cool.
Since I was younger (once I got over the farming ballerina stage (look, it's not that weird. My grandfather was a farmer, so I guess I was inspired by him or something, and I was a little girl- I wanted to be a pretty ballerina. I was creative- I created my own job. Imaging a ballerina dancing around cows in the country is amusing though...) and grew up a little), I've wanted to be a teacher. I don't exactly know why. I think it's a combination of the fact that my dad was a teacher and I always loved correcting things. Anything. I'd correct anything my brother's wrote and loved it. We had a whiteboard on an easel and I loved playing schools with my brother. I was always the teacher though. I'd love to give them spelling tests and correct them.
I grew up and things changed again. I wanted to be an author at one stage. An interior decorator at one stage. These dreams were always short-lived and everything came back to teaching. It didn't matter then, because I had years to figure it out.
It's gotten worse over the past two or so years. And this year's been the worst of all. The closer I get to graduating and starting university where I am supposed to study something to give me a career I want, the more indecisive I become. I go from wanting to study Psychology but not wanting to be a Psychologist, to wanting to learn Spanish so I can go to Spain, to maybe wanting to be a Psychologist after all, to wanting to be an instrumental teacher, to wanting to study Psychology but not be a Psychologist again, to wanting to study Japanese so I can go to Japan and now, where I am again, wanting to be an instrumental teacher. I've gone through all of those phases many times this year and I am on the edge now.
Heaps of people are all, "I'd want to be a teacher, but I hate the thought of having to spend the rest of my life in school." I understand that, for some people, but not for me. I was talking to this guy from school on the bus once and he told me he kinda wants to be a teacher (which kinda surprised me) and told me that it might be weird, but he loves school. I've thought about that many times and realised I'm the same. Now, this year, I've hated school. Hated it. But there's so much I love about it. I love knowing everything about this place. I love knowing where everything is, who everyone is, where I should go, when I should go there, what I'll be doing once I'm there and who'll be there with me. It's just so comfortable. I just know my place and I like that. I know that's bad and I really need to get out of my comfort zone and I can't always live in a sheltered society where I know everything and uni is going to help me start that, but I still love the comfort.
Ever since I was around 12 years old, people have told me I'd make a good teacher. I don't know why they've told me that. I'm pretty impatient. I yelled at my brothers when I tried to teach them flute because they couldn't get the embouchure right... But, I dunno, they're my brothers, it's different.
Now, you may be thinking, "OK. You've always had this thing for teaching. You love school. People say you'd be good. Well... become a teacher. What the heck's your problem, girl?" You would be justified in thinking that. But... It's the problem of qualifications. I want to teach instruments, if anything. Woodwind. But, I don't want to study music. Studying education would be OK, because the Instrumental Music Teaching Subject looks pretty doable, but the only other relevant elective subject is Classroom Music and I just know I couldn't do it. It's not just a lack of faith in myself and my abilities or anything, I just can't play piano and I can't sing and I can't memorise piano pieces and sing intervals and stuff like that, which is required. I don't have that many musical skills. I could get them, but I don't want to do the things that would involve gaining those skills.
I would like to be a private tuition teacher. I could teach kids how to play the flute and saxophone from a room in my house (once I finally move out, that is...), but that's not a full-time job and I worry that no one would want to be taught by some random in her house. And, although that sounds cool for awhile and doesn't require as many qualifications (All my high school experience looks half-impressive written down, to people who aren't in the music business, so they're likely not to care as much if I don't have a degree), but I'd want to go to a school at some stage. That requires qualifications. Qualifications I won't have.
I just have a great dream of living alone in an old, but not decrepit, two bedroom home in an inner city suburb and having quirky stuff all through my house, having it looked lived-in (not overly clean, but not messy) and a pet cat and shelf of movies and box sets of my favourite TV shows and anime and a book shelf full of books and manga. Every morning I'll get up and drive in my old bomb of a car to the school I work at and I'll teach kids to play the flute and saxophone and maybe, someday, the clarinet too. I'll drive home in the afternoon and be in my quiet, peaceful home. Some nights I'll go out with friends, to a restaurant or coffee shops or shopping or something. On weekends I'll have with friends. Some times I'll go out for coffee with my mum, because she won't want to come to my house too much due to her being allergic to cats. Once a week or fortnight, I'll go to the gym and totes be fit. I'll go for morning walks as well. I'll have movie nights and mexican fiesta nights with friends. I'll be independent and be doing what I want.
That's my dream and I want it so bad. I wish I could graduate from school and go straight to that. I just don't know how I can get to that.
I wish someone could just come up to me say, "You're going to do *insert career here* and you're going to be good at it and love it and this is how you're going to get there- *insert uni course here* and that is actually doable." I need that. Bad.
Monday 24 October 2011
Plane Food Is Ass
I don't know what I'm going to write here, but I just felt the need to write something. Anything.
Anyway, the title of this post comes from the episode of How I Met Your Mother, Last Words, where Marshall and the gang are at his father's funeral where the theme is "last words." Marshall realises his father's last words to him were, "plane food is ass," before remembering it was actually an "odd racist" comment about Koreans, before realising it was actually, "Rent Crocodile Dundee 3, it totally stacks up." This episode is one great episode and man, I have to applaud Jason Segel on his acting in that scene in the snow where he is yelling at God, before hearing his dad's actual final words in the form of a voice message. Beautiful stuff.
Anyway, I never thought I'd like this show, let alone love it, let alone use it constantly to cheer me up nearly everyday. It's strange but whenever I'm in a cruddy mood or just feeling bored (at least one of those feelings comes basically everyday), I'll just put on some HIMYM and feel almost instantly happier. I don't know what it is, actually, about it. I guess I kinda like the group and wish I could be like them when I'm that kind of age. You know, a really fun group of friends who genuinely care about each other, amongst all the joking. I don't want to be exactly like them, but I hope I'll have a group of friends like that when I'm in the "working world."
I also wouldn't mind turning out a bit like Robin. Independent. I admire her independence. I also wish I had a best friend like Marshall, but let's not go into my never-ending love for that character.
So, I am supposed to be doing a "skeleton draft" for my last English assignment ever right now. I just don't know what to do. This assignment sucks, man. We had a "choice" between doing a written or oral assignment based on if our grades were lower for written or oral. My grades were basically exactly the same (I'm a straight A- student...) for both, so my teacher decided to make me do oral. This terrifies me. So, so, so much. You have no clue how freaked out I've been over this.
I've also found myself becoming even more, even though I wouldn't have thought this possible, emotionally attached to fictional characters and ships between fictional characters. I genuinely think I'm compensating for something that I feel is lacking in my own life. Whether I wish I were like these characters or I wish I knew people like them. I just don't know why I find myself loving fictional characters so much that I can actually feel it in my body.
I re-watched the last two episodes of Kaichou wa Maid-Sama! this weekend. That was totally smart of me... I don't remember exactly what it was, but I think I read a short review of the manga on Wikipedia that something negative towards Usui. For some reason, this made me read the TVTropes page and read about him and feel so, so, so compelled to read the manga just so I could read more about him. I wanted to cry and hug him and read about him and learn everything about him. And, not just cause he's possible the hottest anime character I know of.
What else has been going on in my life? I had my grade 7 flute exam on Thursday. I am not quite sure how it went and I keep trying not to think about it, because my thoughts are not very positive.
I had my two last competitions for band and we got a silver for both. It's when I really love band- when we are performing and competing. That's when you realise how much of a team it is. Everyone relies on each other and we all share the successes or failures together. I will genuinely miss band.
I'm building a bridge in Physics with a group of my friends. It's not going too well, but whatever. As long as the assignment that I write on it is good, it doesn't matter if the bridge fails or not.
I have four weeks left of school. I would tell you how that makes me feel, but I don't think I can explain it and I don't think I want to, seeing as though, for some reason, I have butterflies in my stomach, am feeling really weird and emotional and am listening to Adele and Someone Like You just came on. I cannot relate to any of her music, but it always makes me feel emotional anyway.
"Never mind, I'll find someone like you..."
"I won't let you close enough to hurt me. No, I won't rescue you to just desert me. I can't give you the heart you think you gave me. It's time to say goodbye to turning tables." I don't know if those lyrics are totes correct, but whatever. Good song.
I've grown my nails pretty long in the past two weeks or so, so I've really gotten in the habit of tapping them on the desk or the laptop. I've been doing it tonight but it's started to hurt... Huh.
I've given up on my Photos of the Week. I just can't do it. I have so many other things on my mind everyday that I don't even think about the photo until Friday night/Saturday night or Sunday nights. I then spend Sundays trying to find something to take a photo of that slightly resembled my week. I forget and finally get ready to upload something two weeks later, only to find that my computer is being a bully and won't let me upload it. I don't like it becoming this extra stress that is just being done because it "has to be done," that's not what it was for. So yeah. I admit defeat.
Tumblr's stuffing up on me now. Guess it's a sign to get off.
Anyway, guess I should get off here now. I mean, the Adele CD just finished. Another sign. Bye y'all and remember- plane food is ass.
Anyway, the title of this post comes from the episode of How I Met Your Mother, Last Words, where Marshall and the gang are at his father's funeral where the theme is "last words." Marshall realises his father's last words to him were, "plane food is ass," before remembering it was actually an "odd racist" comment about Koreans, before realising it was actually, "Rent Crocodile Dundee 3, it totally stacks up." This episode is one great episode and man, I have to applaud Jason Segel on his acting in that scene in the snow where he is yelling at God, before hearing his dad's actual final words in the form of a voice message. Beautiful stuff.
Anyway, I never thought I'd like this show, let alone love it, let alone use it constantly to cheer me up nearly everyday. It's strange but whenever I'm in a cruddy mood or just feeling bored (at least one of those feelings comes basically everyday), I'll just put on some HIMYM and feel almost instantly happier. I don't know what it is, actually, about it. I guess I kinda like the group and wish I could be like them when I'm that kind of age. You know, a really fun group of friends who genuinely care about each other, amongst all the joking. I don't want to be exactly like them, but I hope I'll have a group of friends like that when I'm in the "working world."
I also wouldn't mind turning out a bit like Robin. Independent. I admire her independence. I also wish I had a best friend like Marshall, but let's not go into my never-ending love for that character.
So, I am supposed to be doing a "skeleton draft" for my last English assignment ever right now. I just don't know what to do. This assignment sucks, man. We had a "choice" between doing a written or oral assignment based on if our grades were lower for written or oral. My grades were basically exactly the same (I'm a straight A- student...) for both, so my teacher decided to make me do oral. This terrifies me. So, so, so much. You have no clue how freaked out I've been over this.
I've also found myself becoming even more, even though I wouldn't have thought this possible, emotionally attached to fictional characters and ships between fictional characters. I genuinely think I'm compensating for something that I feel is lacking in my own life. Whether I wish I were like these characters or I wish I knew people like them. I just don't know why I find myself loving fictional characters so much that I can actually feel it in my body.
I re-watched the last two episodes of Kaichou wa Maid-Sama! this weekend. That was totally smart of me... I don't remember exactly what it was, but I think I read a short review of the manga on Wikipedia that something negative towards Usui. For some reason, this made me read the TVTropes page and read about him and feel so, so, so compelled to read the manga just so I could read more about him. I wanted to cry and hug him and read about him and learn everything about him. And, not just cause he's possible the hottest anime character I know of.
What else has been going on in my life? I had my grade 7 flute exam on Thursday. I am not quite sure how it went and I keep trying not to think about it, because my thoughts are not very positive.
I had my two last competitions for band and we got a silver for both. It's when I really love band- when we are performing and competing. That's when you realise how much of a team it is. Everyone relies on each other and we all share the successes or failures together. I will genuinely miss band.
I'm building a bridge in Physics with a group of my friends. It's not going too well, but whatever. As long as the assignment that I write on it is good, it doesn't matter if the bridge fails or not.
I have four weeks left of school. I would tell you how that makes me feel, but I don't think I can explain it and I don't think I want to, seeing as though, for some reason, I have butterflies in my stomach, am feeling really weird and emotional and am listening to Adele and Someone Like You just came on. I cannot relate to any of her music, but it always makes me feel emotional anyway.
"Never mind, I'll find someone like you..."
"I won't let you close enough to hurt me. No, I won't rescue you to just desert me. I can't give you the heart you think you gave me. It's time to say goodbye to turning tables." I don't know if those lyrics are totes correct, but whatever. Good song.
I've grown my nails pretty long in the past two weeks or so, so I've really gotten in the habit of tapping them on the desk or the laptop. I've been doing it tonight but it's started to hurt... Huh.
I've given up on my Photos of the Week. I just can't do it. I have so many other things on my mind everyday that I don't even think about the photo until Friday night/Saturday night or Sunday nights. I then spend Sundays trying to find something to take a photo of that slightly resembled my week. I forget and finally get ready to upload something two weeks later, only to find that my computer is being a bully and won't let me upload it. I don't like it becoming this extra stress that is just being done because it "has to be done," that's not what it was for. So yeah. I admit defeat.
Tumblr's stuffing up on me now. Guess it's a sign to get off.
Anyway, guess I should get off here now. I mean, the Adele CD just finished. Another sign. Bye y'all and remember- plane food is ass.
Saturday 8 October 2011
There's A Giant Rubber Duck In The River
I have had a surprisingly great day. I shall, therefore, outline it for all of you, despite your lack of interest in my daily life.
I woke up, lying in my dark bedroom covered in my doona listening to a wild storm raging outside my window. It was lovely. Due to the darkness and the fact that it, like, never storms at this time in the morning, I assumed it must have been like 2 or 3am and I could, therefore, go back to sleep for another 4 or so hours. I checked my iPod to find that it was 7:13 and I only had 17 minutes left to sleep, so I immediately tried to make the most of those 17 minutes. What seemed like only 5 minutes went by before my dad came and woke me up. I had a slow morning before leaving to go to my flute ensemble rehearsal, which was good and ran smoothly.
I then head over to the State Library. Now, usually, I have some assignment to do, or research to do. For the past month, I had read my English Extension book, The House of Mirth, in the library, or I did research for ExtEng or MusExt. But, as of yesterday, when I handed in my final assignments for both of those subjects, I know longer have to do them. I had no homework and no assignments yet, as it isonly the end of the first week of term, so I took the laptop and sat in the library snacking on sultanas (I usually do this. They are a good substitute for lollies...), scrolling through Tumblr, reading about anime and watching How I Met Your Mother, before Phantomess arrived. We were both wearing our senior jerseys, due to the cold rain outside, so it was quite amusing.
We then went to the food shops and I ate a spring roll before we went to our symphonic wind ensemble rehearsal. Now, it has been painful for me to play saxophone lately, since my wisdom teeth were removed. It was painful today, but bearable. The rehearsal was decent. Nothing great, but not bad. The usual, I suppose.
On the trip home, my dad and I drove past the city's big river and, believe it or not, there was a giant rubber duck just sitting there in the river. I stated this (exactly like the title of this post) and he simply replied, with some laughter, "There is." That was the end of the conversation. We both looked at it a bit, though. I mean, what can you say about something like that?
I came home to eat some ice cream with strawberries and scroll through some more Tumblr. Awhile later, I grabbed some BBQ flavoured Shapes, the jar of Vegemite and a glass of iced juice and went back to room. I just spent the last... hour to hour-and-a-half watching How I Met Your Mother while dipping Shapes in Vegemite. This is the life, guys. I mean, I should do some flute practice later, but that's it. I have nothing else I have to do. Isn't it amazing?
And, I have finally made a choice about uni. Now, it could change, but I don't think it'll change to much. I really hope I don't change my mind anymore, anyway. It's happened too many times already. As of now, I will be studying a Bachelor of Arts majoring in Psychology and Japanese for the next three years, at the uni that several of my friends are going to. Now, I don't want to go here solely because my friends are. I want to make new friends. I want to break out from my shell a bit. It'll be terrifying for me, but once I do it, I'll feel amazingly proud and like I can conquer the world, or something. I know, for many people saying "Hey, I'm *insert name here*, how are you?" is simple, but for me, it's terrifying. No, petrifying. Anyway, knowing that White Ribbon, Phantomess, Tenuto Tuo and even nath_alex01 (though I doubt we'll see each other as much as the others) are there will be so comforting. And, heck, I am seriously planning on finding some way to go visit Gojo or meet up somewhere, cause I ain't losing that gurl (I dunno. That's how I said it in my head) just because she goes to a different uni.
Now, you may be saying, "Japanese? I thought you loved Spanish?" I do, I really do. But I really like Japanese and the Japanese culture as well. I looked at the course lists for both and I swear, despite the fact that this doesn't make a lot of sense, the Japanese course sounds a whole lot less intense and scary than the Spanish one. I still intend to learn Spanish sometime in the not-too-distant future, I really do. I promise myself I will learn it and I have several other ideas of how I might do it, already. I will learn it.
I'm actually getting re-excited for uni. I know that really soon I'll be terrified and all, "I DON'T WANNA GO!!" again, but for now, it's good to feel OK about it.
Since I did an epic clean up of my room in the first week of my holidays, I've hated having it even slightly messy. I mean, the laptop bag on the floor is bugging me, along with the notebook, sticky notes (which are there for good reason. I am forgetful), iPod, panadol, Shapes box, Vegemite jar, empty glass and empty water bottle on my desk next to me are annoying me. As is the handbag on my laundry basket. Hm. I think I need to do a cleanup. I also haven't liked going to bed if stuff is lying around on my desk or floor. I find myself needing to do a 2-minute clean-up before I can go to bed.
I'm going to do a quick clean-up now...
Just had fried rice while watching Total Drama World Tour and trying to hide my fangirling from my dad... Anyway, a great day I have had.
Tomorrow may not be quite as relaxing, but it sure as heck won't be stressful.
I'll just chill out and watch a little anime, maybe some more How I Met Your Mother, maybe some flute practice. Who knows? I have around 2 hours before I'll be so unbearably tired.
Listening to catchy Japanese music from Special A is making me pumped for learning this language. And... I would love if I could go there for Study Abroad. Or Canada. Or anywhere in the UK. Mainly Ireland. Japan, Canada or Ireland would be great, thanks :)
Wow. It's only 8:30 and I am already so tired. Ugh, I don't want to go to sleep yet. I want to watch anime, for goodness sake.
So. Sleepy.
Well, farewell, y'all. I have nothing left to say.
I woke up, lying in my dark bedroom covered in my doona listening to a wild storm raging outside my window. It was lovely. Due to the darkness and the fact that it, like, never storms at this time in the morning, I assumed it must have been like 2 or 3am and I could, therefore, go back to sleep for another 4 or so hours. I checked my iPod to find that it was 7:13 and I only had 17 minutes left to sleep, so I immediately tried to make the most of those 17 minutes. What seemed like only 5 minutes went by before my dad came and woke me up. I had a slow morning before leaving to go to my flute ensemble rehearsal, which was good and ran smoothly.
I then head over to the State Library. Now, usually, I have some assignment to do, or research to do. For the past month, I had read my English Extension book, The House of Mirth, in the library, or I did research for ExtEng or MusExt. But, as of yesterday, when I handed in my final assignments for both of those subjects, I know longer have to do them. I had no homework and no assignments yet, as it isonly the end of the first week of term, so I took the laptop and sat in the library snacking on sultanas (I usually do this. They are a good substitute for lollies...), scrolling through Tumblr, reading about anime and watching How I Met Your Mother, before Phantomess arrived. We were both wearing our senior jerseys, due to the cold rain outside, so it was quite amusing.
We then went to the food shops and I ate a spring roll before we went to our symphonic wind ensemble rehearsal. Now, it has been painful for me to play saxophone lately, since my wisdom teeth were removed. It was painful today, but bearable. The rehearsal was decent. Nothing great, but not bad. The usual, I suppose.
On the trip home, my dad and I drove past the city's big river and, believe it or not, there was a giant rubber duck just sitting there in the river. I stated this (exactly like the title of this post) and he simply replied, with some laughter, "There is." That was the end of the conversation. We both looked at it a bit, though. I mean, what can you say about something like that?
I came home to eat some ice cream with strawberries and scroll through some more Tumblr. Awhile later, I grabbed some BBQ flavoured Shapes, the jar of Vegemite and a glass of iced juice and went back to room. I just spent the last... hour to hour-and-a-half watching How I Met Your Mother while dipping Shapes in Vegemite. This is the life, guys. I mean, I should do some flute practice later, but that's it. I have nothing else I have to do. Isn't it amazing?
And, I have finally made a choice about uni. Now, it could change, but I don't think it'll change to much. I really hope I don't change my mind anymore, anyway. It's happened too many times already. As of now, I will be studying a Bachelor of Arts majoring in Psychology and Japanese for the next three years, at the uni that several of my friends are going to. Now, I don't want to go here solely because my friends are. I want to make new friends. I want to break out from my shell a bit. It'll be terrifying for me, but once I do it, I'll feel amazingly proud and like I can conquer the world, or something. I know, for many people saying "Hey, I'm *insert name here*, how are you?" is simple, but for me, it's terrifying. No, petrifying. Anyway, knowing that White Ribbon, Phantomess, Tenuto Tuo and even nath_alex01 (though I doubt we'll see each other as much as the others) are there will be so comforting. And, heck, I am seriously planning on finding some way to go visit Gojo or meet up somewhere, cause I ain't losing that gurl (I dunno. That's how I said it in my head) just because she goes to a different uni.
Now, you may be saying, "Japanese? I thought you loved Spanish?" I do, I really do. But I really like Japanese and the Japanese culture as well. I looked at the course lists for both and I swear, despite the fact that this doesn't make a lot of sense, the Japanese course sounds a whole lot less intense and scary than the Spanish one. I still intend to learn Spanish sometime in the not-too-distant future, I really do. I promise myself I will learn it and I have several other ideas of how I might do it, already. I will learn it.
I'm actually getting re-excited for uni. I know that really soon I'll be terrified and all, "I DON'T WANNA GO!!" again, but for now, it's good to feel OK about it.
Since I did an epic clean up of my room in the first week of my holidays, I've hated having it even slightly messy. I mean, the laptop bag on the floor is bugging me, along with the notebook, sticky notes (which are there for good reason. I am forgetful), iPod, panadol, Shapes box, Vegemite jar, empty glass and empty water bottle on my desk next to me are annoying me. As is the handbag on my laundry basket. Hm. I think I need to do a cleanup. I also haven't liked going to bed if stuff is lying around on my desk or floor. I find myself needing to do a 2-minute clean-up before I can go to bed.
I'm going to do a quick clean-up now...
Just had fried rice while watching Total Drama World Tour and trying to hide my fangirling from my dad... Anyway, a great day I have had.
Tomorrow may not be quite as relaxing, but it sure as heck won't be stressful.
I'll just chill out and watch a little anime, maybe some more How I Met Your Mother, maybe some flute practice. Who knows? I have around 2 hours before I'll be so unbearably tired.
Listening to catchy Japanese music from Special A is making me pumped for learning this language. And... I would love if I could go there for Study Abroad. Or Canada. Or anywhere in the UK. Mainly Ireland. Japan, Canada or Ireland would be great, thanks :)
Wow. It's only 8:30 and I am already so tired. Ugh, I don't want to go to sleep yet. I want to watch anime, for goodness sake.
So. Sleepy.
Well, farewell, y'all. I have nothing left to say.
Tuesday 4 October 2011
No Comprende
So, I have recently come to the conclusion that I do not understand anything. Really, nothing. Life, death, the afterlife, people, relationships, thoughts, emotions- nothing. I don't even understand why or how I don't understand anything. What does that even mean?
I'm going to try and keep this as non-depressing as possible, though, so don't freak, y'all.
I was back at school today, after a two week holiday. The day was pretty good, but I wanted to be out of there, almost as soon as I'd arrived. Now, you see, I am also a person full of conflicting feelings and contradictions. I want to go to university next year, but I really, really, really badly do not want to go as well. Ever. I want to get the heck out of school, cause I hate it, but I don't want to leave everything there and I don't know if I'll be able to.
I am also an overly sentimental person. I keep so many things because they have some sort of significance to me and I love to pull them out every now and again and look at them and re-live some memories. School is the place that holds the most memories for me, apart from home I guess (well, my old house. Only been in this one a year...). I mean, 11.5 years carries a lot of memories. 9.5 of those years were spent in the same school. Surrounded by some of the same students and teachers. I still have 4 people in my grade that were in my class when I arrived at this school in grade 3. Sure, I barely talk to any of them and I only kinda get along with 2 of them, but still.
Now, heaps of people say, "High school are the best years of your life."I really hope they're not. Not that my 4.5 years at high school, so far, have been all that bad, they just haven't been wonderful. Now, I've made great friends and had some great memories. Nothing too traumatic but there were no singular moments that really stand out as The Best High School Memories, or anything. There are some great memories though.
Oh, man. I swear I posted a list of things I wouldn't miss about school earlier this year. I'm looking through my old posts, but I can't find it, because I name all of my posts stupid, random, unrelated things. Dang me and my individuality attempts!
I'm over my rant now. It's left me. Be happy. I feel like just saying other stuff now.
So, so far, this has been my afternoon (after school):
- Come home.
- Eat a mini ice-cream, lollipop and Freddo while scrolling through Tumblr.
- Search for places to watch/download the latest How I Met Your Mother episode.
- Download said episode.
- Watch said episode.
- Go make fairy bread.
- Open Music Extension assignment with the intention of doing something.
- Eat said fairy bread while staring at the hundreds & thousands thinking about how cool they look and how detailed and coloured they look when you actually properly look at them.
- Get kinda depressed for no real reason while doing this.
- Open Blogger.
- Blog.
Really? It's nearly 6 o'clock and that's all I've done. I KNOW I have two assignments due on Thursday and Friday. I KNOW I have Maths homework due tomorrow. I KNOW I have a flute exam in two weeks and a band rehearsal tomorrow. Yet, I'm not doing anything productive. Seriously. I don't even know why. Like, I know what else I need to do on my MusExt assignment and I think I can finish it relatively soon. I've opened it and looked at it and I just can't bring myself to write anything. It's not even the Voice of Procrastination saying, "Pfft. You can do it later..." I want to do it now and I know I can if I start. But I can't start. Asdfghjkl.
Just read an old post where I was talking about how excited I was to read my English Extension novel. Hahaha! I have the assignment due on it on Thursday and I am still 3/4 of the way through the book! Good book, just, not quite great enough to get me to finish it...
I realised that my blog is a great way to fuel my sentimentality. I can read these posts and just read about days that were pretty insignificant in the long run, but meant something at the time and it really does make me remember random school days that I would have otherwise forgotten. For example, a seriously funny Physics lesson with Miss Invisible would have been a highlight of a certain day. I would go home and blog. I read those 6-month-old posts now and laugh and remember the lesson. Maybe, in a few years, I can read my blog again and see what I was like for my senior year of schooling. And remember random days.
Oh dear. Now I'm getting so sentimental I want to cry. Daayyuuummmn. A two-syllable damn. HIMYM references FTW. I genuinely hope that, when I am older and independent and whatnot, I have a group of friends like them. Not exactly like each of them (I don't want a Barney. He's funny and all, but I'd kill him in real life), but their dynamic and the way they laugh at each other and joke around and help each other out cause they actually care. Also, I want to have something and call it Swarley. If you've seen HIMYM, you'd get it. I remember, a year or so ago, and old friend and I were talking and she was telling me that she'd named her guitar Swarley and that it was a HIMYM reference. I hadn't seen the show then, so I didn't get it. Now, I so get it and love it and I want to name something Swarley. Or Swarls Barkley. Mmm, Swarls Barkley. Gosh, I love that episode.
I was reading about jazz and why it was controversial when it was first introduced. The only source I've seen so far says it was condemned for being too sexual, or something. That is not going to go down well in my assignment. It doesn't even help my argument...
All this stuff I'm trying to read now is boring. So boring. I really don't care why jazz was controversial. Why must it be relevant to my assignment? Hm?
I can't reference something written in 1959, can I? WDFKGLNFHOPELDSKMFJNBGKFLD. KEY BOARD SMASH.
I also love reality TV. But, mainly reality TV game shows. Here's a list of the ones I love to indulge in watching, despite being lame, sometimes:
Masterchef, Junior Masterchef, Biggest Loser (less and less lately though), The Farmer Wants A Wife (my guilty pleasure to watch with my mum), Beauty and the Geek, Come Dine With Me (four dinner parties and they all rate each other. Good stuff), Four Weddings (LOVE this show), Wife Swap (no competition as such, but still one of the best shows, like, ever). I also love any reality show about weddings. Any. Especially, Don't Tell The Bride. Oh! I also do like to watch a little Toddlers and Tiaras, if only to rant about society, but.. well, I find it funny. Wow. I really love reality TV. Hm. Coolbeans.
I use the word 'commonplace' a lot in this assignment. Oh, only 7 times. Not as any as I would have thought.
1658 words. Daaannnngggg. Nearly 400 more. *sigh*
Don't you love that moment when you're searching for the photocopies of a really important reference for your assignment and you can't find them? Hallelujah I found them, though. Let's get referencing!
The even better moment when you found these references to get the page numbers used, but they don't have page numbers on them and, if they do, your photocopying cut them off. How am I supposed to correctly reference now? Huh?
I remember the pages being around 76-ish? Is it OK for me to make that up? Is anyone actually going to go find that book and check?
So, I need to write some concluding thing now, practice flute for band tomorrow for about 10 minutes before going to watch Packed to the Rafters with my parents, while doing my Maths homework. This is what you get when you spend over 2 hours eating and on the internet...
OK. Before I do that, this flute guy I'm watching is amazing. I mean, who memorises a veryyy difficult (I'm looking at the score. Like, holy cow this is hard stuff!) 10 minute piece and plays it this well, with a large ensemble and all while wearing such a niiice suit. I've developed a thing for suits, but that's not relevant. This guy is great. I applaud him on his greatness. Aw, a lady gave him flowers and he looked all modest and embarrassed, n'aww.
I'm going to try and keep this as non-depressing as possible, though, so don't freak, y'all.
I was back at school today, after a two week holiday. The day was pretty good, but I wanted to be out of there, almost as soon as I'd arrived. Now, you see, I am also a person full of conflicting feelings and contradictions. I want to go to university next year, but I really, really, really badly do not want to go as well. Ever. I want to get the heck out of school, cause I hate it, but I don't want to leave everything there and I don't know if I'll be able to.
I am also an overly sentimental person. I keep so many things because they have some sort of significance to me and I love to pull them out every now and again and look at them and re-live some memories. School is the place that holds the most memories for me, apart from home I guess (well, my old house. Only been in this one a year...). I mean, 11.5 years carries a lot of memories. 9.5 of those years were spent in the same school. Surrounded by some of the same students and teachers. I still have 4 people in my grade that were in my class when I arrived at this school in grade 3. Sure, I barely talk to any of them and I only kinda get along with 2 of them, but still.
Now, heaps of people say, "High school are the best years of your life."I really hope they're not. Not that my 4.5 years at high school, so far, have been all that bad, they just haven't been wonderful. Now, I've made great friends and had some great memories. Nothing too traumatic but there were no singular moments that really stand out as The Best High School Memories, or anything. There are some great memories though.
Oh, man. I swear I posted a list of things I wouldn't miss about school earlier this year. I'm looking through my old posts, but I can't find it, because I name all of my posts stupid, random, unrelated things. Dang me and my individuality attempts!
I'm over my rant now. It's left me. Be happy. I feel like just saying other stuff now.
So, so far, this has been my afternoon (after school):
- Come home.
- Eat a mini ice-cream, lollipop and Freddo while scrolling through Tumblr.
- Search for places to watch/download the latest How I Met Your Mother episode.
- Download said episode.
- Watch said episode.
- Go make fairy bread.
- Open Music Extension assignment with the intention of doing something.
- Eat said fairy bread while staring at the hundreds & thousands thinking about how cool they look and how detailed and coloured they look when you actually properly look at them.
- Get kinda depressed for no real reason while doing this.
- Open Blogger.
- Blog.
Really? It's nearly 6 o'clock and that's all I've done. I KNOW I have two assignments due on Thursday and Friday. I KNOW I have Maths homework due tomorrow. I KNOW I have a flute exam in two weeks and a band rehearsal tomorrow. Yet, I'm not doing anything productive. Seriously. I don't even know why. Like, I know what else I need to do on my MusExt assignment and I think I can finish it relatively soon. I've opened it and looked at it and I just can't bring myself to write anything. It's not even the Voice of Procrastination saying, "Pfft. You can do it later..." I want to do it now and I know I can if I start. But I can't start. Asdfghjkl.
Just read an old post where I was talking about how excited I was to read my English Extension novel. Hahaha! I have the assignment due on it on Thursday and I am still 3/4 of the way through the book! Good book, just, not quite great enough to get me to finish it...
I realised that my blog is a great way to fuel my sentimentality. I can read these posts and just read about days that were pretty insignificant in the long run, but meant something at the time and it really does make me remember random school days that I would have otherwise forgotten. For example, a seriously funny Physics lesson with Miss Invisible would have been a highlight of a certain day. I would go home and blog. I read those 6-month-old posts now and laugh and remember the lesson. Maybe, in a few years, I can read my blog again and see what I was like for my senior year of schooling. And remember random days.
Oh dear. Now I'm getting so sentimental I want to cry. Daayyuuummmn. A two-syllable damn. HIMYM references FTW. I genuinely hope that, when I am older and independent and whatnot, I have a group of friends like them. Not exactly like each of them (I don't want a Barney. He's funny and all, but I'd kill him in real life), but their dynamic and the way they laugh at each other and joke around and help each other out cause they actually care. Also, I want to have something and call it Swarley. If you've seen HIMYM, you'd get it. I remember, a year or so ago, and old friend and I were talking and she was telling me that she'd named her guitar Swarley and that it was a HIMYM reference. I hadn't seen the show then, so I didn't get it. Now, I so get it and love it and I want to name something Swarley. Or Swarls Barkley. Mmm, Swarls Barkley. Gosh, I love that episode.
I was reading about jazz and why it was controversial when it was first introduced. The only source I've seen so far says it was condemned for being too sexual, or something. That is not going to go down well in my assignment. It doesn't even help my argument...
All this stuff I'm trying to read now is boring. So boring. I really don't care why jazz was controversial. Why must it be relevant to my assignment? Hm?
I can't reference something written in 1959, can I? WDFKGLNFHOPELDSKMFJNBGKFLD. KEY BOARD SMASH.
I also love reality TV. But, mainly reality TV game shows. Here's a list of the ones I love to indulge in watching, despite being lame, sometimes:
Masterchef, Junior Masterchef, Biggest Loser (less and less lately though), The Farmer Wants A Wife (my guilty pleasure to watch with my mum), Beauty and the Geek, Come Dine With Me (four dinner parties and they all rate each other. Good stuff), Four Weddings (LOVE this show), Wife Swap (no competition as such, but still one of the best shows, like, ever). I also love any reality show about weddings. Any. Especially, Don't Tell The Bride. Oh! I also do like to watch a little Toddlers and Tiaras, if only to rant about society, but.. well, I find it funny. Wow. I really love reality TV. Hm. Coolbeans.
I use the word 'commonplace' a lot in this assignment. Oh, only 7 times. Not as any as I would have thought.
1658 words. Daaannnngggg. Nearly 400 more. *sigh*
Don't you love that moment when you're searching for the photocopies of a really important reference for your assignment and you can't find them? Hallelujah I found them, though. Let's get referencing!
The even better moment when you found these references to get the page numbers used, but they don't have page numbers on them and, if they do, your photocopying cut them off. How am I supposed to correctly reference now? Huh?
I remember the pages being around 76-ish? Is it OK for me to make that up? Is anyone actually going to go find that book and check?
So, I need to write some concluding thing now, practice flute for band tomorrow for about 10 minutes before going to watch Packed to the Rafters with my parents, while doing my Maths homework. This is what you get when you spend over 2 hours eating and on the internet...
OK. Before I do that, this flute guy I'm watching is amazing. I mean, who memorises a veryyy difficult (I'm looking at the score. Like, holy cow this is hard stuff!) 10 minute piece and plays it this well, with a large ensemble and all while wearing such a niiice suit. I've developed a thing for suits, but that's not relevant. This guy is great. I applaud him on his greatness. Aw, a lady gave him flowers and he looked all modest and embarrassed, n'aww.
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