Who Gives A Toss About The Royal Wedding?

Me. Yes, I actually care. At school, people were either like, "Man, who cares? I'm gonna totally ignore it cause I don't give a crap," or girls saying, "I'm just going to watch it to see her dress."
I am different. I actually kinda care. Well, you know, I actually like the royals. I honestly do. I have grown up with my father and he loves the royals. My mum likes them too. I find them interesting.

I don't see why everyone goes, "Agh, who cares? They're just royals!" I mean, it's true, but if your favourite celebrity where getting married, you'd be as excited. Anywho. I don't honestly care much about Prince William. I'm not one of those women who find him attractive. I mean, dude. He's got a receding hairline. I'm not into baldness.

I like Harry better. Despite the fact that he is more wild and goes off partying. Firstly, red hair. Yes, please.  Secondly, Harry. Loving that name. Especially said with a British accent. So, like, relatively young prince with red hair and a name that sounds very cool with a British accent. Yeah. Did I mention, British accent? Sorry.

Anyway, I am interested in Kate. Being a commoner and all. Imagine marrying a prince. That'd be insane. I wouldn't want to do it. I don't want all that publicity and whatnot. Also, I so wouldn't want to be in-line for Queen. I mean, I haven't figured out what I want to do with my life, but I do know I don't want to be Queen.

I have to say, despite the fact that he has things that look like ropes hanging off his clothes, I definitely like Harry's clothes better than William's flaming red thing.

LOL! Harry has a bald spot.

So, I'm watching the news coverage of it now, hence my running commentary.

I am totes annoyed that my 'wonderful' Prime Minister is attending this wedding, but I probably shouldn't go into that.

Hahaha. Poor Harry. He's walking down the isle smiling at all these offical dudes kinda awkwardly cause William's next to him talking to some dude.

My dad just told me that Harry's actual name is Henry. I must say, I am very disappointed. Oh well, I still like Harry.

The one thing I do find annoying is the huge deal that is made out of all the outfits women are wearing. I mean, duh, we care about Kate's dress. But must we care so much about her mother's dress? Well, I guess. But, seriously, Harry's on-again-off-again girlfriend's outfit? Seriously, who cares? She looked annoying. I think her hair was lighter than her skin. That bugs me.

It'd be kinda cool to be one of those royal dudes that no one talks about. I mean, they just introduced the Prince and Princess of Kent. Some guy called Michael, or something. Like, who? See? They are royalty, they are rich, they are at least slightly famous, they get invited to royal weddings, but they don't have a million paparazzi taking photos of them when they leave their house every morning.

So, Charles and Camilla just arrived. I like the royals, but I don't like them. Charles kinda freaks me out. He seems kinda creepy to me. And I always thought Camilla looked like she was conspiring against people and had some scheme to overthrow people with the naive help of Charles. Yes, cynical, I know.

So, Beatrice and Eugenie just arrived. Gosh. I don't think they could have been given more unfortunate names.

They Queen drove past. I really like her. She just seems like such a nice, kind lady. And I like her yellow outfit.

Heh. Charles and Camilla are walking in now. My reaction was, "WOW! He's old now. THEY'RE OLD NOW!"

My parents don't agree with my Charles-and-Camilla-Conspiracy-Theory. Dang. Guess I'm on my own with that one.

I do like the name Camilla though. Not on an old woman though. I'm so ageist.

The Queen is pretty short. Pretty sure that makes me like her more. SHORT PRIDE!

My mum's getting pretty excited here, haha.

Just have to say, Kate is very, very pretty. Like, seriously. Almost unnaturally.

These little dudes in dresses and cute mini-William outfits. Totes 'n'aww' worthy.

I should like, post this and stop writing now, or else I'll keep giving you all a commentary for a few hours.

Before I go though, I have to say that Kate looks really happy in the car. Of course she has to smile at all the thousands of the fans, but still. She looks genuinely happy and I find that really cool. As you all know, I am a hopeless romantic, wedding-lover so seeing people so happy driving into their wedding, despite the insane hype and pressure, makes the hopeless romantic in me smile widely. And the Queen looks extremely happy too.

OMG, it's starting now. Now, I will stop writing to you, as the wedding is actually starting, hahaha. So long :)

PS. She has quite a nice dress, despite the fact that I do not like lace (despite the fact that I have lace on my formal dress).

I Never Thought Saying 'Wop' Would Be So Tiring..

Yeah. So, you guys know that song... "Who's That Girl?" by Guy Sebastian? Yeah. The one that goes, "Who's that girl just walk, walk, walk in the club?" My father and I like to imitate that by saying "wop" in place of the "walk"s cause it sounds like that... So, we were sitting in the car singing along and it ended up with the two of us just saying "wop" a LOT. Just over the top of the actual song. We eventually stopped because we were out of breath. Serious. Saying "wop" repeatedly can be tiring.

So, I love Winter, right? Totally. I love the fact that I was snuggled in purple track pants, a hot pink Spongebob tshirt, a Snoopy jumper, thongs and messy as hair when I went to the supermarket to buy ice cream with my dad just before. The thing is, I live in well, a quite Bogan suburb where guys hang around the supermarket smoking with no shirt on (much to my disgrace), pants hanging low (also to my disgrace) and often barefoot, so no one cares if I look like a 13-year old girl with a cold. It's all G.

I'm supposed to be doing my English homework but, despite the fact that I actually understood the class work and actually did the designated activity (a very rare occurrence), I can't do it now. Sigh. Who cares about symbols, topics and insight in 1984? I mean, seriously. I also have Physics homework, but I attempted that in a spare today and ended up setting up my diary and fondly looking upon my Fruits Basket bookmark, kindly given to me by Gojo.

I have a spare tomorrow. After Physics and English. I can't do my homework then. What fresh Hell is this?

My brother just quoted one of my all-time favourite television shows, compelling me to watch a video that is not going to help me focus. Thanks, bro.

So, any of you guys know what Technology is a symbol for in 1984? What was that? No? Me neither.

I was forced to stay at school till 6pm this afternoon. I think that should be illegal. The school was dark, the lights were on and the cleaner walked past. All signs that students should not be there watching Shakespeare. I admit, I didn't mind the move, The Tempest, but it had moments of tediousness and slowness. But hey, who doesn't love it when several almost-naked, gold men suddenly materialise and dance around a table covered in fruit, that also materialised with them? I mean, honestly?

You know, I'd really like to personally know the singers I listen to. And not just the ones I have celebrity crushes on. All of them. Well, mainly the ones that write their own songs, because I listen to them singing all depressed and I wonder, "Wow, what did they do?" Dang, I wish I could be all, "So, what did you do to that chick you sing about in this song?" or whatever. They all sound like they have such interesting lives. OK, when I read that, I realise I am mainly talking about one guy, who is the main one that I have a celebrity crush on, but whatever. Pretty sure I'd die to meet him. Except that I'd be dead. And he would meet my corpse. Not exactly the way I want my favourite singer to see me... Hm. I wouldn't look good dead.

Actually, come to think of it, I could make a hot zombie. That'd be fun, being a zombie. I wouldn't have to wake up in the morning and straighten my hair and worry about what I'm going to wear. No one expects a zombie to look good. If you see a zombie walking down the street, as you do, you wouldn't be all, "Man, look at what she's wearing today! Gosh, what was she thinking? Like, OMG, her hair looks so bad.. Haha," instead you'd be all, "Hey. She's a zombie. Cool," or more likely, "AAAH! ZOMBIE!"

That settles it. I'm going to be a zombie. I have always liked the word 'apocalypse', after all.

Actually, I've never really been that into zombies. Hm.

Me? Procrastinating? Where would you get that idea?

So, reading my Peanuts desk calender. Man, I love Charlie Brown. And Lucy. And Snoopy. And Woodstock. And Peppermint Patty. And Schroeder. Well, I like them all, but those are my favourites. Especially the first two. Because you all really wanted to know that. You can thank me now.

I was looking up different shades of red hair last night, after escaping a family gathering to do homework. Whoops. Anyway, I am planning on dying my hair red when I graduate from school. Like, in all seriousness. I think of it as a statement. A statement of individuality (even though red hair is becoming more common) and freedom and independence and basically saying, "Yeah. I'm outta this hole. Finally my own person. My own person... With RED HAIR." Mmm, red hair. I have developed quite a thing for guys with red/orange hair. Mmm, I finds that very attractive, indeeds. I was definitely not thinking about that at Easterfest when it seemed that at least a quarter of the guys had a variation of red hair. No, of course not... *shifty eyes*

8:45? Are you kidding me? Ugh. Shoot me now. Pretty sure I should skip tomorrow. There is pretty much no point in turning up.
English: Heck no. Can't get the homework. My teacher will probably be on his man period and yell and stuff.
Spare: Yay. I guess. Actually, boring as heck. I get distracted and zone out and get bored and depressed and possibly sick, like today. Super happy fun times.
Physics: Well, I like it, but I don't get it and I won't do anything. Oh wait, we have prac. Oh, that should be fun. Huh.
PE: Um. Ew.
QCS: Just kill me now and save me the pain. This subject depresses and bores the heck out of me. As if I hadn't had the heck bored out of me already.
Home time: YAY.
See? Only thing I am excited about is LEAVING. So why bother turning up?

Well, Imma go now. Ciao! Adios! 再见！Um. Yeah. Bye!

Pretty sure I should tell my English Teacher this tomorrow when he gets annoyed at us for not doing the homework...

Oh yeah. I like, made a tumblr account. It's weird and pointless and a total waste of my time, but people upload cool as pictures of my favourite anime characters. And the aforementioned favourite singer. That's why I'm there. Check it out. Or not. I don't care. http://and-life-is-now-worth-living.tumblr.com/

The Perverted Alien From Planet Pheromones

Wow. I just finished Kaichou wa Maid-Sama and yeah. Wow. It was so good I am disregarding the laws of grammar and ending sentences with "and yeah". Now, if you are not a hopeless romantic sap, you probably wouldn't be as insanely happy as I am right now. Very romantic. And sappy. It, uh, caused me to be full on grinning at the screen for most of the second half. Now, here shall be my rant about the series.

Kaichou wa Maid-Sama translates to "The President is a Maid" and that is the premise of the show. Misaki Ayuzawa (hereby known as Misaki) is the student council president of her school. She is the most insane feminist you will ever know. Their school recently became a co-ed school, so there are still like, 80% boys. Misaki is trying to change that and, basically, she hates men. But, she is poor so she works as a maid at a maid cafe in town. Basically, it's a cafe where the waitresses dress as maids and call the guys "master" etc. Kinda weird, but whatever.

Meido?

Cue Usui. Now, I shall try and restrain myself from writing too much about him, but I can make no guarantees. Alright, so he comes along and somehow (ah! I forgot), finds out that she works in a maid cafe. He protects her from three guys who hate her (because she is always yelling at them at school) and kinda promises that he won't tell her secret. At one stage he says he hasn't told anyone because it's his "personal pleasure." Now... How do explain him... He is the funniest anime character I think I have ever seen. He is so weird, but so funny. He is always hitting on Misaki in a kinda creepy way and is always popping up to protect her. You kinda know he's going to show up whenever she's in trouble, but it's still funny when he does because I'm always like, "Usui! Hahaha! Why would he even be here? Wth?" and then he protects her and I'm all, "N'AWW USUI!" He is like, creepy-ish but epically sweet and insanely hot and has a huge fangirl base. Seriously. On every youtube video, at least half of the comments would be, "USUI IS SO HOT! I WANT A MAN LIKE USUI!" Now, here are some TVTrope links to describe this wonderful character:
The Ace

Chick Magnet

Chivalrous Pervert

Stalker With A Crush

Not So Stoic

I won't do any more... So many... He also falls under Estrogen Brigade Bait.. To sum that Trope up, it's a character that is put there just to attract audience members... physically. So, the reason for hot guys being in shows. Quite amusing. And Fanservice- basically when a character shows off their... attractiveness to... attract audience members... I mean, come on! The ending song starts off with several images of him without a shirt. The reactions of the youtubers when they changed the ending was hilarious. Everyone's all, "WHERE'S MY HOT USUI ENDING?" 

Anywho..... Enough about Usui.... I guess....... 

So... this scene was adorable and caused much fangirl smiling...

So, the series consists of Usui hitting on her, her calling him a "perverted alien" and not realising that he actually is in love with her. Dang clueless anime girls, haha. Now, about 5 episodes from the end- NEW GUY ALERT! Zomg. 

Cue Hinata Shintani. He came along as a new student at their school. He was there to find his lost first love. You can probably see where this is going. To cut a long story short, Misaki and Hinata were old childhood friends and Hinata has liked her since then and moved schools to find her. He found her and... Cue love triangle. Now, I am a mega UsuixMisaki shipper but why did they have to make Hinata so adorable and likeable? I am supposed to hate The Hypotenuse (TVtropes reference)... But I didn't hate him. No one did. Misaki and Hinata were pretty close and all and Usui got uber jealous. Everytime he was jealous, he looked so sad and I wanted to hug him. But hey, fictional character... Can't hug him. Sadly. *slap* Stop fangirling, man!

Alright, I'm good now. So, Hinata's all, "I like Misaki-chan!" and Usui's all, "I like teasing and annoying and hitting on Misa-chan!" 

So, it was really sad. Hinata saw Usui and Misaki having "a moment" (Usui took off his shirt (he had a shirt underneath...) and put it on her because she was saturated. N'aw) and got really depressed. Now, whenever Usui and Hinata are around each other, they glare at each other and well... Let the picture describe...

Heh. Usui's dog kinda OWNS Hinata's...

Now, as Usui walks away after the shirt thing, he yells, "Ruff!" Obviously, to Hinata. Misaki's all, "WTH?" Hinata cries and yells back, defiantly, "Ruff!" I was all, "AWWW POOR GUY!" 

But yeah. He ends up alone. Heh. Sad, but good because, if anyone killed UsuixMisaki, I'd kill them.

Now, let's just say, the final episode had the best love confession I've seen in an anime. It was wonderful. And Misaki confessed stuff first. Saying that he annoys her but she feels lonely when he's gone and that he is the only person to confuse her. She was saying it all and I was grinning and his face was all :O and it was adorable. Anyway, then he tells her that he teases her because, "I like seeing your different expressions. You sudden smiles surprise me and make my heart race," or something. *swoon* They kissed. While fireworks were going off- cheesy, but I was so taken by the scene, I didn't care. Then he was all, "I love you, Ayuzawa," and she was all, "I..... hate you," and he's all, "You really are sly, Ayuzawa," and she's all, "Usui, you idiot," but all in an endearing way, while they were holding hands. It ended with random funny clips of all the minor characters and then Hinata saying that he'll be with Misaki one day and Usui is his rival, while Usui was telling her he loves her. 

Zomg. So good. It's good seeing as though my last anime had no love confessions and Fruits Basket had no love confession and I was dying for love confessions, haha. Anywho, very good anime. Funniest anime I've ever seen. Just hilarious. Made me laugh several times every episode, without fail. Most of it was because of Usui, but whatever. Now to read the manga... 

Om nom nom lollipop

This bad quality image does not do this scene justice. SO FUNNY. She is held captive by creepy guys and is tied up. Usui is gonna protect her. He has JUST ninja-kicked through a glass window as she gets all epic ninja on their asses and escapes and kicks their asses. Usui is all :O  And the he proceeds to crack up laughing, as shown above. Hilarious.

Where Do I Go From Here?

Just another song by my favourite band, Relient K, that feels as though it was written about my life.

LYRICS:
Leaving may not be coming home
Needing to know I'm not alone
Even though I can't feel a thing

Taking time to get over it
Making the best of what won't quit
Breaking me down, I can't feel a thing

Where do I go? Where do I stand?
Where can I find myself again?
Where do I go if not disappear
Where do I go from here?

Tracing my steps right back to you
Racing the clock to save an hour or two
And facing the fact I don't feel a thing

I'm dealing with what I can't control
Feeling confused 'cause I don't know
If healing is when you don't feel a thing

Where do I go? Where do I stand?
Where can I find myself again?
Where do I go if not disappear
Where do I go from here?

Woah, woah, woah
And I still can't feel a thing


Love it. Yes, this explains me. I listen to it and think it's basically about knowing that your life isn't what you want, you aren't who you want to be and you want to change. You make the decision to do something to change, getting all empowered and whatnot and then you realise, "I don't actually know how to change anything. I don't know what to do," and this is me. I keep thinking, "Yeah! I'm gonna change! I'm gonna have something happen and be better and enjoy everything more," and then realise I don't know how. Now, that's how my life is at the moment. It is a huge circle. Or cycle. Or both.

In case you're not sure what a circle is. 

I sit around feeling down and think, "Come on, man. You're not helping anything, moping around. Get off your butt and do something." I'll listen to an inspirational song and go, "Yeah! I'll do something! I'll make it better!" Then one little thing will set me off again and I'll be all, "Wait. I don't know how to change anything. I can't do anything." 


There are so many times I wish I could snap. That sounds stupid because, I mean, who says, "Yeah! I want to have a public breakdown! Whoop!" But, I kinda do. I mean, I've never really liked the idea of crying in public and try to prevent that as much as possible, but still. Just sometime I want to snap and just cry and yell and flip out. Completely flip out. Just to show everyone, "Hey, you know me? The girl who sits here arguing with Albino, hitting Old Man in the face, talking about Eurovision with Tenuto Tuo, rambling about anime with Gojo and talking away in Physics with Miss Invisible? Yeah, well, she isn't actually as cheery happy as she may seem." I had Phantomess over last night and I realised this. I realised I want to snap in front of everyone, as opposed to snapping at home in my room. I want to snap in front of my instrumental teacher. So seriously. Just to show her how I am not dealing with her pressure as well as she thinks. 


Half of me doesn't want to show everyone what I'm feeling (as though I could explain any of it) and the other half wants to scream it out. Because those aren't some seriously conflicting feelings at all... 


Now, this is actually so not what I was going to talk about. Whoops. I was planning on a religious rant again. But I believe I will do that later. It's time to try and do these freaking hell of an assignment. 

I Just Want To Hold Your Hand Tonight

Alright, so on Saturday I went to Easterfest- a huge Christian festival in a city about 2 hours from my house. It goes for the whole Easter weekend, but me and my family bought a family-pass ticket for the one day. Now, many interesting things arose from this day and here I shall tell you about them all.
Firstly, I was totally upset that my all-time favourite band wasn't going to be there and none of the other bands really interested me that much, but I got over that. Wait, no I didn't. I'd walk past the little tent where signings with stars where going on and I kept thinking, "They better be here next year. I wanna meet them and get things signed, damn it!" So, I didn't get over it. Especially when we were watching these dudes on bikes doing stunts and they kept playing one of their songs in the background. Argh.
Here comes the depressing rant...
Now, I am walking around this festival with my nearly-42-year old parents and my two younger brothers. How much lamer could you look? If I had known we were going earlier, I would have invited a friend, but it was too late. So, walking around you'd see lots of young people- teenagers or young adults, dressed in cool clothes, chilling with friends. I was all, "Dang. I should bring friends next year. Imma plan ahead next year!" But it got worse. The lack of friends thing I got over... But more than groups of friends, you would see so many couples. So many teenage/young adult couples walking along holding hands while I'm walking next to me mum and little brother. Yeah. That's not a complete contrast at all. Now, this makes me think of a spare I had at school once. I was sitting in the back of a Year 11 Religion class.
Teacher: Is it possible to feel lonely in a crowd?
Ignorant Group of Students: No...
Teacher: Really? I've stood in a huge crowd and felt lonely before...
Ignorant Student: Wouldn't that just be awkwardness?
Teacher: No........
I was sitting up the back wanting to scream at them. Of course you can be lonely in a crowd. Easterfest was proof of that. I hadn't felt so lonely in such a huge crowd for a long time. Like, seriously alone. Now, before about a year ago, I did not ever care about being single. I was all, "Whatever. I has friends, it's all G. Imma have a relationship in the not-too-distant future," and that has changed. I actually do not care about all the really typical teenage relationship stuff. I just want someone who actually knows me and likes me. That'd be hard seeing as though I don't feel like I know me at the moment, but whatever. I want someone to be able to be by my side and stay with me and not give up on me when I'm in my moods and when I don't make sense. Someone who understands me, or at least tries, and who'll be there.
Now, something interesting I realised yesterday (WARNING: THIS WILL GET SAPPY) is that I find the gesture of holding someone's hand more romantic than most other things, like kissing and whatnot. Now, we went to see a band called Adventureland and they have a song called "Hold Your Hand." It basically says, "I just wanna hold your hand tonight," several times. I don't know most of the lyrics, but I really like the song. Now, I find this romantic. I like the idea of couples holding hands. I am not quite sure why, although in my boredom yesterday I tried to figure this out. I think it's because it's innocent and kinda symbolises holding that person. Not literally, of course. But I guess it symbolises staying with them and 'holding' them through all their problems. I guess I like the idea of walking with someone, holding hands. Now, this may be all sounding sappy and pathetic and self-pitying, but I have been restraining myself from blogging about this for ages, so get over it  :P
Now, I may often wonder, "What's wrong with me that I'm still single?" and then I'll think about the lack of males at my school and the fact that I live in Bogan Central where all guys have long, annoying, scene-ish hair and ride scooters down my street with their pants too low and then hang outside the fish-and-chip shop so that they can smoke and make rude comments about people walking past. Yeah. Charming. Hm, and who would be the guys I like? Oh yeah, that'd be the gay musical theatre performers   that are at least 10 years older than me and the lead singer of my aforementioned favourite band who is 13 years older than me. Oh, and fictional characters. Ah, anime characters. How they have ruined my life and my standards for how life and people should be.
I have been emailing a friend (we don't get to see each other very often so we send very long emails). She shall be known as Old Friend and I hope, if she reads this, she is cool with me mentioning her. We went to school together in grade 1 or 2 at School Number 1. I then left to come to my Current School. In grade 5, old friend came to Current School and stayed for about a year, leaving to go to That School. Now, in year 8 a new friend came along. I shall name her... G. G stayed for a year and then left to go to That School. G and Old Friend became really good friends and this caused me to regain contact with Old Friend. Yay. Now, I was talking to Old Friend about my unhealthy anime crushes and she told me about a celebrity crush she has. She said, and I quote, "I think these obsessions stem from the lack of decent boys at our schools," and she could not be more right. All of these obsessions with anime characters and singers and celebrities is all because there's no one around here. But of course, watching these animes and seeing insanely attractive guys being extremely sweet towards the women they love and being funny and smart and hot, does not make anything easier. It raises your standards- and mine where high enough.  Now, I ain't gonna find a real life Usui Takumi anywhere... 

Just chilling with the flowers, yo. 

I'll blog about this anime, Kaichou wa Maid-Sama when I'm finished it... Only a few more episodes*squee*
Anywho, I worry about leaving school. I mean, I want to get the hell out of there ASAP. I am so excited but so insanely terrified as well. I hate school, so I want it to end, but I am so worried about the social aspect of adulthood. I am absolutely terrified of losing my closest friends. I am worried that, because of my, albeit mild, social anxiety disorder, I'll be too scared to talk to anyone and not make new friends and then lose my old friends and then just sit at home and watch anime. How am I supposed to meet anyone when I can't even look the cashier in the eye when ordering something from Maccas?? Seriously. And what guy, in his right mind, is going to want to be with a chick that constantly measures him against the standards of anime characters such as Kyo Sohma, Hatori Sohma, Len Tsukimori, InuYasha, , L, Kei Takishima and Usui Takumi? Those are some big shoes to fill, just sayin'. 
I have my moments when I really don't care. Chilling with my friends, feeling happy and thinking, "I really don't care if I'm single," and then I'll be in a crowd of young, un-single people and feel so alone and my mood just goes down the drain. 
So, I was going to blog about the interesting religious experience I had that night... But I am in a mood now and really feel like delving myself into the slowly developing romance of Usui Takumi and Misaki Ayuzawa. There's a feminist, three idiots (known as The Three Idiots) who follow her, adorable friends, maid costumes, a guy who has to keep dressing up as a girl because he looks like on, an extremely hot guy and now, a love triangle. What's not to love about this show? 

18th-24th April 2011

Taken at Easterfest sitting at the Main Stage. I found these clouds really quite amazing. It doesn't have quite the same affect in a photo, but they looked so unreal. Like they had been painted on the sky. As though someone had got an uber long ladder and plastered this huge painting over all of us. 

And There's Just One Last Thing That I Have To Say...

Alright, I have been dying to share this song. For some reason, I am in love with this song lately. I cannot really relate to it, at all, but I love it. I have listened to it almost everyday for at least a week and must share it with you all here.

So, give this song a listen. Or else... Mwuhaha. Seriously, do listen. Good song.

11th-18th April 2011

Little maths lesson for you all. Now, I read about this on some random blog I skimmed through. Someone was attempting a 365 Day Photo Challenge- take a photo everyday. They gave up, on account of their ADD or something. They then read about a weekly challenge and are doing that instead. Now, I have had an interest in photography for years, but have never done anything about it and am really want to now. Only problem is, I have like, no money and a cruddy camera. But hey, I can save up... Maybe. I was thinking of also doing this challenge- the weekly one. I will upload a photo every week. I hope. I am going to forget I know, so everyone needs to help me remember. These won't just be random photos, but photos of small, strange things in my life, things that make me smile or think or just things that represent me now or my hopeful future. Now, my brief, vague calculations told me that there are 36 weeks left in the year. If anyone disagrees, please tell me, because I don't think I'm right. Now, since I don't have some cool, expensive camera with loads of cool effects and whatnot, I like editing pictures, so I'll do that, to make 'em look cooler. I will here upload my Photo Of The Week for last week:

This is my favourite building around. I mean, I haven't been to many architecturally astounding buildings or anything. In short, this building represents the hopes for my future. It represents everything I want to be and everything I hope I will be. No, I do not want to be a building, just to clear that up. I could not love this place more.

Does a Radioactive Cat Have 18 Half-Lives?

I had a parent-teacher interview this afternoon. It's funny to say that, since I'm neither a parent or a teacher. But whatever, I feel like something might have clicked in my strange, muddled brain. This teacher was my Physics & Maths A teacher and from here-on-in shall be called Mr Carrot & Tuna or Mr C&T. Yes, because once, he left the room and came back with a carrot, causing me and Miss Invisible to laugh uncontrollably. Today, he left and came back with a can of tuna. He ate it (not the actual can, obviously) and left the room and came back with another can of tuna. Anyway, his food habits are not important. Now, we sat down and Mr T&C told me mother that I am doing very well in Physics. I wasn't too surprised by this, not because of my huge ego or anything, as he has always seemed to be a fan of me and my relatively consistent B grade in Physics. Now, he pulled out my last exam, in which I got a B-, C, D+ in the three sections, averaging out at about a C. Not my best, but I passed. He proceeded to say that I do well in knowledge and I understand the concepts and can do everything, but the high level of maths seems to freak me out and I panic, especially in exams. This is true as, in the exam, I was going to cry many times and was pretty much having mini-panic attacks in my seat. Now, he went on to talk about Physics, how I am self-motivated (I had to restrain from laughing out loud at that. If only he knew how un-motivated I am. But, I guess I am kinda motivated when it comes to Physics) and work hard, especially since I have not been sitting next to my friend who shall be known as Albino, as the two of us would do nothing but yell at each other. A lot. I do miss those yelling matches though. Anyway, this talk made me feel good. He also said I'm pretty good at Maths. Hah. He thinks that I can maintain, or maybe even raise, my solid B in Maths and try and stay at a solid high B in Physics. It reminded me of how important this subject is to me. Physics, not Maths. I hate Maths. But, Physics is some huge symbolic thing for me. It's weird, but true. Now, at the end of last year I was doing Maths A, English, Biology, Physics and Music. I wanted to pick up English Extension and Music Extension for thus year- making 7 subjects. This COULD have been done, but I was so stressed out doing 5 and knew I couldn't do 7. I needed to drop one. This was one of the toughest decisions I had ever made. I liked Physics, but got Bs and Cs. I was pretty bored with Biology, but I got As relatively easily. I could not decide. Some people would say, "Go with the one with better grades," and others would say, "Go with the one you like." After SO much deliberation and crying and stressing, I chose to drop Biology. Best decision I've made in a long time. I do kinda miss it, because I had done it, and had that teacher, for years, but I really, really like Physics. It's become a statement for me. I never thought I could do Physics when I started in year 11. And I managed to finish year 11 on a high B and half a mark behind the top of the class. I felt SO good. I felt like, if I dropped Physics, I would be giving up and all of that hard work and boosted ego would have been for nothing. I felt like I would be proving something if I managed to do well in two years of Physics, despite my questionable Maths abilities. I still feel like that. This subject interests me and is, strangely enough, the only subject that I never dread going to. That's impressive, since I dread every other class quite frequently. I generally quite like going to Physics, I have fun, I don't mind doing the homework and, weirdly enough, I am kinda excited to do my assginment. I guess I want to finish and just show everyone up. I want to be able to say, "You didn't think I could do it? You didn't think I would make it and actually do well? Well, in your face. Me, the shy, weird girl in Maths A just beat you all in Physics!" I know most of them don't care how I do, but I still don't think grades for any subject this year could make me feel much better. Now, I fear that if I type this next thing, I'll always remember it, setting myself up for disappointment, but my big dream for this year (apart from looking really good and feeling really good at my formal, but that's another post...) is to win the Physics Subject Award. Subject Awards are given at our Valedictory Dinner to the best in the subject. I know I won't get it for any other subjects. You see, I'm in the top group for every other subject, but I'm never the top. I could be the top of Physics, but there is one guy standing in my way and he shall be known as The Insane as his grades and knowledge of Physics and Maths is insane. I won't beat him, but if I did, I couldn't ask for a better graduating present. I know that's weird and nerdy, but it means a lot to me to do well in this subject. This is what this interview with Mr T&C reminded me of. I need to keep remembering this and keep this goal of a B or higher, and the subject prize, in mind and just work my butt off to try my damnedest to get it. 

I have NO idea what that weird Trident-like symbol means, but hey, it's still amusing. 

N'aw, Physicist love <3

Even I don't fail that much 

Heh. Faceplant. 

                                          

PS. I was looking up Physics jokes, where I found the post's title, and it feels good, albeit nerdy, to understand the jokes and be able to laugh at them. Heh, 18 half-lives. 

Don't Cry, For The Snow Will Surely Melt...

I just re-watched episode 8 of Fruits Basket- Don't Cry, For The Snow Will Surely Melt. Oh my goodness, I have not cried so much over an anime in a long time. Actually, I don't think I have cried over an anime episode that much ever. And it's the third time I've seen that episode. The first time I thought it was sad, but I didn't cry. The second time I cried a bit. The third time, today, I balled my eyes out. Wow. Now, whether you have seen this anime or even care about anime at all, you should read this post, because I shall talk about the complete amazing, heartbreaking sadness that occurs within.


Hatori, the Sohma family's doctor, tells Tohru she must come and see him alone. She is really nervous because Hatori is the man with the power to erase peoples' memories. When she arrives, she meets Momiji, (well, she has met him before, but she meets up with him) an annoying (in my opinion. Most people think he's adorable) little boy, the rabbit of the Chinese Zodiac. He shows her the way to Hatori's office. Once they get there, Hatori asks her, "Do you like living with Shigure, Yuki and Kyo?" and she responds with, "Yes, very much!" He then says, "All the more reason for you to leave. The Sohma curse isn't something to be taken lightly, it is filled with pain and heartache. You should pack up your things and go back to your own family," or something along those lines. She's sad then, cause she doesn't want to leave them, obviously. Tohru then goes for a walk with Momiji. Momiji tells her the brief story of Hatori's relationship with a girl named Kana. He tells her that Hatori had a girlfriend, named Kana, and she didn't care about the fact that he was cursed. They got engaged and went to ask Akito, the head of the family, for permission to get married. He refused to let them get married and hurt Hatori, blinding his left eye. Kana blamed herself for Hatori's pain and her grief consumed her. Hatori had no choice but to erase her memory to ease her pain. Momiji explains that Hatori wants Tohru to move out of Shigure's house so that she does not end up hurt, like Kana. Tohru cries when she realises how nice Hatori really is. Momiji leaves to get drinks and Hatori comes out (he had overheard everything). Hatori says, "You should forget everything I said," and Tohru says, "Have you forgotten her, Hatori?" and he says, "It's all in the past," or something. Tohru trips off the verandah and Hatori goes to catch her, turning him into his Chinese Zodiac animal- the dragon. He's not a dragon though, he's actually a sea horse. It's supposed to be some symbol that the curse is weakening as time goes on, or something, it wasn't explained in the anime. Tohru freaks out saying, "Water! No! Seawater! Which one is it?!? Hatori?!?!" This reminds Hatori, in all his sea horse-y form, of Kana and a flashback ensues. The saddest flashback ever:


~ Kana arrives at Hatori's doctor office and introduces herself. He tells her where her desk is, before she interrupts saying, "It's snowing! I knew it would snow today! Hey, here's a question for you. When the snow melts, what does it become?" He replies saying, "It becomes water, of course," and she replies making buzzing noises, like the sounds that come from buzzers on game shows, saying, "No, it becomes Spring! I think Spring is my favourite season." This causes Hatori to have a look of love on his face... ALMOST love at first sight. They start going out and Hatori talks about how she was his spring. He had become cold and frozen and Kana had melted the ice in his heart, or something, and was his spring. He was happy with her. Then, she found out about the curse, reacting the EXACT same way Tohru did, when he turned into a sea horse. Once he turned back, Kana told him that she understood him now, she understood why he never wanted to hold her and why he keeps his distance from everyone, especially those he loves. She said, "You don't have to be afraid anymore, especially not of me. Hatori, I'm so glad to have met you. And I'm even happier to have fallen in love with you."
He then goes on to explain that, "I started crying. It was the first time in my life that I felt forgiven. Like I was saved. Like the frozen snow that's melted by spring, the tears wouldn't stop." He was genuinely happy for the first time in his life. Then, he told Akito that they wished to be married. Akito FLIPPED OUT and actually hit him with a vase (in the anime. I think he just hit him in the manga, not that it really matters), smashing the glass and blinding his eye. Akito then goes up to Hatori and says, "Hatori? What's wrong?" He points at Kana, sitting in the back of the room and yells, "This is your fault! YOU did this to him! You think you can lift the curse? You're just an ordinary person, you can't lift the curse. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Kana believes him and spirals into a depression, believing that she is the reason for Hatori's pain and that she wasn't there to protect him. Hatori can't bear seeing her in this much pain. Akito tells him that, "It's her memories of you, her feelings of you that are causing her pain," and convinces Hatori that, if he were to erase her memory of him, she would no longer be in pain. He says, "It would be your final act of love." Hatori realises this is true and proceeds to erase her memory. As he is, Kana says, "It would have been better if you and I had never met. Hatori, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I couldn't be there to protect you." Hatori, obviously, cries and erases her memory, saying, "I was the one who should have apologised. I was the one who couldn't protect her." It then shows her saying goodbye to Hatori in his office, thanking him for teaching her many things, as she was kind-of his apprentice. Then she leaves ~


Tohru and Hatori are standing outside in the snow and Hatori asks, "When the snow melts, what does it become?" and Tohru says, "It becomes Spring!" Hatori smiles (a rare thing), realising that she is a good person etc. Tohru goes on to say that whenever it's snowing, it reminds her that Spring is on its way and that, no matter how much snow there is, it will always melt. 


Oh my gosh, that nearly made me cry, just writing it. I guess it helps that Hatori is my second favourite character in the anime, but it's just so sad. Later in the show, it is revealed that Kana is marrying another man. SO. SAD. Anyway, it might be cheesy, all that stuff about her melting his heart, but I didn't find it cheesy at all. I loved it. I loved, and still do love, all the metaphors about the snow and the spring. Wow. If any of you have the time or motivation, I urge you to look up this episode, whether you know anything about the show or not, it's just done so well. 


Here are some images from the episode:

Poor, dreaming Hatori...

In the manga he says, "What, do you think I'm an idiot? It's water, of course."

Love the facial expression. 

:'(

This is the moment I balled. So much. 

Furuba!

So, my day was very... interesting. Yes, that's the word, interesting. Let's just say it was filled with a lot of public transport and a whole lot of getting lost and being completely, utterly stupid. But hey, I had fun. I have never felt so grateful to Subway for feeding me before and haven't been so happy to rest my feet in a long time. But, it made me think. I mean, there were so many times when I was kinda freaked out, but something happened and we found where we were. The time we found the sign pointing to the river, the absolutely wonderful taxi driver- things like that make you, well, me, think someone's gotta be looking down on you. I mean, seriously. Especially with all the jay-walking we did. I was feeling like writing a totally religious post now, but I don't remember what it was about and I'm re-watching Fruits Basket, so I'm kinda distracted, haha. Yes, I am re-watching this entire series. I love it that much. Man, it sounds cheesy and lame, but it really changed me. It got me really into anime. It was... the third anime I'd regularly watched, probably the second one I finished, after Death Note, so it's pretty important to me. As Phantomess and I were saying today, you have a show you love so much it becomes "Your Anime." You love it, are dedicated to it, know every character, know them so well you feel they are real, read about the show, listen to the music, look up pictures etc. In that case, Fruits Basket is my anime. It's really quite interesting re-watching it. There are certain things said in early episodes that have so much more meaning when you've seen the whole series and read the entire manga. One of the things I love the best in this show is it's amazing character development. I mean, Yuki has some and it's kinda cool, but I really love that character development of Kyo. Now, the character development of everyone is much more evident in the manga. Like, cry-worthy-character development. The anime has some too, with Kyo, mainly. He goes from being pretty hateful towards everyone, but he has his moments of... normality, I guess. You find out that he really doesn't know how to deal with people, and he envies Yuki for the fact that everyone likes and accepts him. You find out that people blame him for the death of his mother and he was taken in my a Master dude, who taught him to fight in the mountains for months. You find out that he really loves his master but doesn't think he deserves to be called his master's son. You also find out he turns into a monster. You basically find out that he is extremely lonely and it makes me cry. I'm not sure why, but I feel very attached to this character. And not just in a fangirly way. I mean, yes, I do fangirl over him like crazy, but I think there's something else. I guess he just has a lot of relatable qualities. I dunno, feeling lonely, feeling like no one accepts you and not being able to deal with people well, while having only one thing (in his case, fighting) and one or two people (in his case, his master and Tohru) who can make him feel wanted; I guess that's some pretty relatable stuff. Being cursed and turning into a cat when girls hug you and then turning into a monster when your bracelet is ripped off- that's not so relatable :P

Anyway, I really shouldn't go on a Fruits Basket or Kyo Sohma rant... Even though I kinda did already. Basically, this anime and this character are especially close to my heart, as cheesy and lame and gag-tastic as that sounds.

Now, for some funny Fruits Basket screenshots!

Heh. Imagine this being sung in a catchy little ditty. 

Fighting, as always. With a mop?

Kyo hates leeks. Those are leeks. He probably passed out... 

LOLWHAT?

Tohru's trying to show Kyo her "fighting moves" and he's all, "You suck." For some reason I always found this little scene cute.

I ship them. Blonde chick and Kyo. 

And a quote for you all:

Kyo: I'll win next time, just like I'll win against you! (pointing at Yuki)
Yuki: Wait, wait, I think I've heard this one before...
Kyo: No joke, asshole! I am going to beat you! That's a promise!
Yuki: I wish you'd stop making your inferiority complex my problem.
Kyo: I swear, every time you open your mouth it pisses me off!
Yuki: And every time you open yours you sound like an idiot. 

Arachibutyrophobia O_o

Yeah. Say THAT five times quickly. That, my dear blog-readers, is the name for fear of having peanut butter stick to the roof of your mouth. A lovely segue to my post today. Fears! That is the subject of this post, as this day has inspired me. It all started in my spare, in which I was timetabled into my English/Form teacher's room with Anonymous (I shall call her that for the rest of this post, haha). Mr Teacher (Heh) asked everyone in the room to share their fears. Once he got to me I shared mine being a fear of heights and a fear of the phone- including calling people, talking on the phone and answering the phone. He responded telling me that that's an unusual fear. As I said to Anonymous, I have many fears. I guess I am one scared girl. I have always had a big fear of heights. I'm not really sure why. Some people say it's the fear of heights, but the fear of falling. For me, I don't know what it is, I just hate heights. I also, therefore, hate theme park rides. I hate the heights and the speed and the possible sickness etc. I just hate them. People will call me a wuss, or boring, but when I am freaked out, I am stubborn and determined not to go on something that scares the heck out of me. Now, the phone thing. That has got to have something to do with my social phobia. Now, I always knew I was shy, but last year I read up on social phobia and realised that I do have this. I am pretty sure I only have a mild form, but still. I've been thinking it's been getting better lately, but I seemed to take a couple of steps backward today.
Here are some symptoms of social phobia: (with a big bold YES or NO or SOMETIMES next to ones that apply to me)

• Intense worry for days, weeks, or even months before an upcoming social situation. YES
• Extreme fear of being watched or judged by others, especially people you don’t know. YES
• Excessive self-consciousness and anxiety in everyday social situations. SOMETIMES
• Fear that you’ll act in ways that that will embarrass or humiliate yourself. YES
• Fear that others will notice that you’re nervous. YES
• Avoidance of social situations to a degree that limits your activities or disrupts your life. SOMETIMES

- Meeting new people- YES

- Being the centre of attention- YES

- Being watched while doing something- YES

- Making small talk- YES

- Public speaking- YES

- Performing on stage- YES

- Being teased or criticised- YES

- Talking with "important" people or authority figures- YES

- Being called on in class- YES

- Going on a date- N/A

- Making phone calls- YES

- Using public bathrooms- SOMETIMES

- Taking exams- NOT REALLY

- Eating or drinking in public- YES

- Speaking up in a meeting- YES

- Attending parties or social gatherings- YES

I will seriously get nervous meeting up for people at a social gathering, even my closest friends. I will get a quick as heartbeat when going to meet my best friend somewhere. It's so dumb. I cannot give eye contact for my life. Especially when talking to teachers. I cannot look at them in the eyes, or even look at their face for more than like, five seconds without having to look away. I feel so awkward thinking, "Now they think I don't want to look at them! They think I'm being rude and not listening!" So I look at them again and then go, "AH!" and stop looking at them. All this freaking out makes it really hard to focus on, and remember, the important stuff they are trying to tell me. 

I read somewhere about walking with social phobia. If you have a social anxiety disorder, you freak out about walking by yourself and get uber self-conscious. I realised this is SO me. I cannot walk around by myself. I freak out that people are watching me and judging how I'm walking. Then, I focus SO much on how I'm walking, to prevent from looking stupid and, as a result, look stupid. No one was ever watching me, cause no one cares, but it doesn't stop me from freaking out. I hate walking in front of people. I hate walking up to the front of the class while everyone else is sitting down. I always think I can feel everyone's eyes on me, even though no one cares what I'm doing half the time. 

Oral assignments at school are the worst aspect of school for me. Well, one of the worst. I hate them so so so much. I actually go home and freak out and cry and have mini panic attacks just THINKING about it. For my last oral assignment, I had an ugly panic attack-like thing the night I found out we had an oral. We hadn't even received the assignment yet. The night before an oral is never pretty, but I was surprisingly alright this last time. My hands shake, my voice shakes and I hate looking at people. My voice goes a million-miles an hour and my 5 minute speech usually goes for 3 minutes. 

Small talk. That is one area in which I EPIC FAIL. I am awful at talking to people that aren't my close friends or family (close family). Here is how our conversations usually go.

Person: Hi

Me: Hi (heart beat fast, shaky voice, lack of eye contact)

Person: How are you?/ How was your day?

Me: Good

That's it.

On the bus today, I talked to someone from my school, who I don't talk to a lot and for once I actually asked a question. It was more like:

Person: Hi

Me: Hi (thinking, "Come on! Don't be too awkward, man!")

Person: How was your day?

Me: Yeah, pretty good. School, you know. How was yours?

*conversation continued for awhile*  I was pretty proud of myself. But then this afternoon, my progress on that front went out the window. I called a hotel about looking at their venue for the possibility of holding the formal there. This is how I call people:

Type the number into the phone.

Check the number on the phone at least 5 times.

Practice exactly what I'll say.

Check the number again.

Start walking around in circles before finally pressing "Talk"

Once I talked to a woman and waited for another person to pick up, it was an answering machine. Most people would leave a message, but this scares me even more than calling them. Dumb, I know, but true. I can't stand the thought of talking to no one and having them listen to my voice later. I don't like the sound of my voice, and I'm sure they won't either. I'll sound stupid and say awkward dumb stuff, so I never leave messages. 

Also, Anonymous wants to catch the train with me to the city when we go to look at formal venues. I talk to Anonymous pretty regularly. I generally like Anonymous and we get along, but we aren't really friends. I talk to her more than the aforementioned Bus Person. But, for some dumb reason, I am freaking out about sitting on the train with her for half an hour. I hate the thought of having to make small talk for half an hour. I want to sit alone and listen to music and think about the other people on the train, not have to talk to someone awkwardly while avoiding her eye contact. My mum was all, "It's just a half-an-hour trip!" She has a point, but I am really not looking forward to it. At all. See, I felt like I'd made progress on the bus and then lost it all this afternoon with the phone call and the train trip. One step forward, two steps back- that's like, my life at the moment, but that's another post...

Just for interest, I don't mind bugs, at times I like them, but as soon as I see them fly, I freak out. I hate things that fly. I hate moths and, butterflies are pretty, but they fly past so fast and kinda freak me out. I am cool with cockroaches and spiders, but hate flies (and cannot stand being in a small-ish room (like a bedroom) with them and end up spending AGES trying to shoo them out) and flying bugs and I've never really liked birds.

Anyway, I really felt like rambling about my social anxiety. The more I read about it and think about me, the more I realise that I must have some form of it. Definitely not as bad as many cases I have read about, but still. 

WOW. Just read about Generalised Stress Disorder and I have no doubt that I have this. Most definitely. I fit 8 out of 10 of their mentioned symptoms. OK, I should stop reading up on disorders, or I'll start diagnosing myself with everything. I wonder why we do this. I guess it's a good feeling to be able to put a name to something that we feel. I guess I feel better going, "Oh, yeah, I have social anxiety disorder and generalised stress disorder," as opposed to going, "Yeah, I'm shy and freak out a lot." Maybe that's how hypochondriacs see it, they want to be able to put a name to what they think is wrong with them. Is there a name for someone who diagnoses themselves with a lot of mental disorders? 

 Must. Stop. Posting.

This post also screamed for a picture. It was all, "GIVE ME A PICTURE!" and I was all, "ALRIGHT, CHILL" I google image'd "random fear" and this came up... I think Google just loves randomly showing me pictures of ostriches...