Firstly, I was totally upset that my all-time favourite band wasn't going to be there and none of the other bands really interested me that much, but I got over that. Wait, no I didn't. I'd walk past the little tent where signings with stars where going on and I kept thinking, "They better be here next year. I wanna meet them and get things signed, damn it!" So, I didn't get over it. Especially when we were watching these dudes on bikes doing stunts and they kept playing one of their songs in the background. Argh.
Here comes the depressing rant...
Now, I am walking around this festival with my nearly-42-year old parents and my two younger brothers. How much lamer could you look? If I had known we were going earlier, I would have invited a friend, but it was too late. So, walking around you'd see lots of young people- teenagers or young adults, dressed in cool clothes, chilling with friends. I was all, "Dang. I should bring friends next year. Imma plan ahead next year!" But it got worse. The lack of friends thing I got over... But more than groups of friends, you would see so many couples. So many teenage/young adult couples walking along holding hands while I'm walking next to me mum and little brother. Yeah. That's not a complete contrast at all. Now, this makes me think of a spare I had at school once. I was sitting in the back of a Year 11 Religion class.
Teacher: Is it possible to feel lonely in a crowd?
Ignorant Group of Students: No...
Teacher: Really? I've stood in a huge crowd and felt lonely before...
Ignorant Student: Wouldn't that just be awkwardness?
Teacher: No........
I was sitting up the back wanting to scream at them. Of course you can be lonely in a crowd. Easterfest was proof of that. I hadn't felt so lonely in such a huge crowd for a long time. Like, seriously alone. Now, before about a year ago, I did not ever care about being single. I was all, "Whatever. I has friends, it's all G. Imma have a relationship in the not-too-distant future," and that has changed. I actually do not care about all the really typical teenage relationship stuff. I just want someone who actually knows me and likes me. That'd be hard seeing as though I don't feel like I know me at the moment, but whatever. I want someone to be able to be by my side and stay with me and not give up on me when I'm in my moods and when I don't make sense. Someone who understands me, or at least tries, and who'll be there.
Now, something interesting I realised yesterday (WARNING: THIS WILL GET SAPPY) is that I find the gesture of holding someone's hand more romantic than most other things, like kissing and whatnot. Now, we went to see a band called Adventureland and they have a song called "Hold Your Hand." It basically says, "I just wanna hold your hand tonight," several times. I don't know most of the lyrics, but I really like the song. Now, I find this romantic. I like the idea of couples holding hands. I am not quite sure why, although in my boredom yesterday I tried to figure this out. I think it's because it's innocent and kinda symbolises holding that person. Not literally, of course. But I guess it symbolises staying with them and 'holding' them through all their problems. I guess I like the idea of walking with someone, holding hands. Now, this may be all sounding sappy and pathetic and self-pitying, but I have been restraining myself from blogging about this for ages, so get over it :P
Now, I may often wonder, "What's wrong with me that I'm still single?" and then I'll think about the lack of males at my school and the fact that I live in Bogan Central where all guys have long, annoying, scene-ish hair and ride scooters down my street with their pants too low and then hang outside the fish-and-chip shop so that they can smoke and make rude comments about people walking past. Yeah. Charming. Hm, and who would be the guys I like? Oh yeah, that'd be the gay musical theatre performers that are at least 10 years older than me and the lead singer of my aforementioned favourite band who is 13 years older than me. Oh, and fictional characters. Ah, anime characters. How they have ruined my life and my standards for how life and people should be.
I have been emailing a friend (we don't get to see each other very often so we send very long emails). She shall be known as Old Friend and I hope, if she reads this, she is cool with me mentioning her. We went to school together in grade 1 or 2 at School Number 1. I then left to come to my Current School. In grade 5, old friend came to Current School and stayed for about a year, leaving to go to That School. Now, in year 8 a new friend came along. I shall name her... G. G stayed for a year and then left to go to That School. G and Old Friend became really good friends and this caused me to regain contact with Old Friend. Yay. Now, I was talking to Old Friend about my unhealthy anime crushes and she told me about a celebrity crush she has. She said, and I quote, "I think these obsessions stem from the lack of decent boys at our schools," and she could not be more right. All of these obsessions with anime characters and singers and celebrities is all because there's no one around here. But of course, watching these animes and seeing insanely attractive guys being extremely sweet towards the women they love and being funny and smart and hot, does not make anything easier. It raises your standards- and mine where high enough. Now, I ain't gonna find a real life Usui Takumi anywhere...
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| Just chilling with the flowers, yo. |
I'll blog about this anime, Kaichou wa Maid-Sama when I'm finished it... Only a few more episodes*squee*
Anywho, I worry about leaving school. I mean, I want to get the hell out of there ASAP. I am so excited but so insanely terrified as well. I hate school, so I want it to end, but I am so worried about the social aspect of adulthood. I am absolutely terrified of losing my closest friends. I am worried that, because of my, albeit mild, social anxiety disorder, I'll be too scared to talk to anyone and not make new friends and then lose my old friends and then just sit at home and watch anime. How am I supposed to meet anyone when I can't even look the cashier in the eye when ordering something from Maccas?? Seriously. And what guy, in his right mind, is going to want to be with a chick that constantly measures him against the standards of anime characters such as Kyo Sohma, Hatori Sohma, Len Tsukimori, InuYasha, , L, Kei Takishima and Usui Takumi? Those are some big shoes to fill, just sayin'.
I have my moments when I really don't care. Chilling with my friends, feeling happy and thinking, "I really don't care if I'm single," and then I'll be in a crowd of young, un-single people and feel so alone and my mood just goes down the drain.
So, I was going to blog about the interesting religious experience I had that night... But I am in a mood now and really feel like delving myself into the slowly developing romance of Usui Takumi and Misaki Ayuzawa. There's a feminist, three idiots (known as The Three Idiots) who follow her, adorable friends, maid costumes, a guy who has to keep dressing up as a girl because he looks like on, an extremely hot guy and now, a love triangle. What's not to love about this show?
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