Where Do I Go From Here?

Just another song by my favourite band, Relient K, that feels as though it was written about my life.

LYRICS:
Leaving may not be coming home
Needing to know I'm not alone
Even though I can't feel a thing

Taking time to get over it
Making the best of what won't quit
Breaking me down, I can't feel a thing

Where do I go? Where do I stand?
Where can I find myself again?
Where do I go if not disappear
Where do I go from here?

Tracing my steps right back to you
Racing the clock to save an hour or two
And facing the fact I don't feel a thing

I'm dealing with what I can't control
Feeling confused 'cause I don't know
If healing is when you don't feel a thing

Where do I go? Where do I stand?
Where can I find myself again?
Where do I go if not disappear
Where do I go from here?

Woah, woah, woah
And I still can't feel a thing


Love it. Yes, this explains me. I listen to it and think it's basically about knowing that your life isn't what you want, you aren't who you want to be and you want to change. You make the decision to do something to change, getting all empowered and whatnot and then you realise, "I don't actually know how to change anything. I don't know what to do," and this is me. I keep thinking, "Yeah! I'm gonna change! I'm gonna have something happen and be better and enjoy everything more," and then realise I don't know how. Now, that's how my life is at the moment. It is a huge circle. Or cycle. Or both.

In case you're not sure what a circle is. 

I sit around feeling down and think, "Come on, man. You're not helping anything, moping around. Get off your butt and do something." I'll listen to an inspirational song and go, "Yeah! I'll do something! I'll make it better!" Then one little thing will set me off again and I'll be all, "Wait. I don't know how to change anything. I can't do anything." 


There are so many times I wish I could snap. That sounds stupid because, I mean, who says, "Yeah! I want to have a public breakdown! Whoop!" But, I kinda do. I mean, I've never really liked the idea of crying in public and try to prevent that as much as possible, but still. Just sometime I want to snap and just cry and yell and flip out. Completely flip out. Just to show everyone, "Hey, you know me? The girl who sits here arguing with Albino, hitting Old Man in the face, talking about Eurovision with Tenuto Tuo, rambling about anime with Gojo and talking away in Physics with Miss Invisible? Yeah, well, she isn't actually as cheery happy as she may seem." I had Phantomess over last night and I realised this. I realised I want to snap in front of everyone, as opposed to snapping at home in my room. I want to snap in front of my instrumental teacher. So seriously. Just to show her how I am not dealing with her pressure as well as she thinks. 


Half of me doesn't want to show everyone what I'm feeling (as though I could explain any of it) and the other half wants to scream it out. Because those aren't some seriously conflicting feelings at all... 


Now, this is actually so not what I was going to talk about. Whoops. I was planning on a religious rant again. But I believe I will do that later. It's time to try and do these freaking hell of an assignment.