We Took Prescription Drugs, But Look How Much Good That Did...

Can anyone tell me why on Earth someone decided to make Oral Assessments compulsory for Senior English? Why? WHY I ASK YOU? Humph. 

CONTEXT TIME:

I have an English assignment due tomorrow. It's the closing argument for a court case, defending or prosecuting a character from 1984. 7-10 minute oral. I have to perform it on Tuesday. I am FREAKING out. The teachers want it memorised, or as close to memorised as possible. 

The memorising isn't go so well so far. I only finished the assignment yesterday and so far, have memorised the first sentence of my 1500 word assignment. *facepalm*

I can do half of the second sentence. For some reason, I always get tripped up when I say, "disobedience against the governing group, the Party." I can never remember disobedience. It's not that hard. Agh. 

They want it basically memorised so that we act more like lawyers, instead of reading off a page. The less I'm reading off my page, the more I'm pausing, saying 'um' and 'uh' and the more I'm stumbling. Pretty sure lawyers don't do that. Unless they suck. Pretty sure my English teacher doesn't want me to behave like a crud lawyer. I can do that though. 

I say the word 'chaos' about 20 million times. That's only a slight exaggeration, guys.

I am SO tempted to ask my teacher if I can do my performance in a lunch time. With just him, the camera (all our orals have to be taped...) and maybe 2 friends. I did that once. I did an oral in front of my teacher, the camera and Phantomess and it was good. So laid-back. No where NEAR as terrifying. Still scary, but I didn't want to throw up and cry, like I usually do. 

K, I have a good knowledge of most of the first page of my assignment. The next two-and-a-half pages aren't quite as good... 

"In order to keep our orderly society..." Oh my gosh. I write some really lame stuff sometimes.

I say "selfish desires" or a variation of that many times too... And 're-education'. And 'society'.   -_-

Guys. This ain't gonna be even close to memorised. I'll be reading. Way too much. He'll sigh, be disappointed and give be a B. I'm not going to get an A, or anything in the A range, for my last English oral ever. asdfghjkl. 

Gosh, I hate orals. Probably my biggest fear ever throughout all of high school. Well, that and the fear of failing. But oral assignments are more frequent than me failing. They make me feel sick. I was fearing this assignment since the day we HEARD about it. Before we got the criteria sheet, before we knew what it was really about, before we started, before we even thought about starting. That's how much I detest public speaking. 

Tears+shaking+sickness+stumbling+lack of eye contact+uber fast speaking+sweaty palms= Me when speaking in public. Yeah, just read my earlier post on social anxiety disorders. All of the signs and symptoms there can pretty much sum up my feelings towards public speaking. 

So much worse than the usual nervousness and shyness. *shudder* 

Crudballs, I feel like looking up anxiety disorders now. It interests me. Yes, mental illness interests me. Hence, I'm considering studying psychology next year at uni. 

So, posting this isn't helping calm me down.

Last night I had a dream and I was in the office at the primary campus of my school, with Gojo. Two girls from last year's grade 12 class came in, in uniform. We chatted and compared badges. Because they weren't wearing senior's badges anymore, and we were. Soon after, I proceeded to tell Gojo about my love for Matthew Thiessen (Relient K, bros) and how I was depressed when I found out he was turning 31. Gojo didn't understand why this depressed me and she went on to give me several confused, "What the heck is wrong with you, girl?" kind of looks. I also had a very close-up picture of Matthew Thiessen on a computer screen, I think. Maybe an iPod, iPad or iPhone or something. I dunno. 

I've got a triple spare tomorrow, bros. Whoop. Me and another guy in my class are going to help each other do the Physics assignment then. That gave me a really good reason to leave my Physics assignment alone for the rest of today and try and focus on English. Even though I'd rather focus on Physics. See, with Physics, I'd be almost ecstatic if I got a B. With English, I'd be likely to cry if I got a B. I'm not really one for crying at school. I've never really properly cried at school. I've been teary a couple of times, but never properly cried. Therefore, I don't think any of my friends have actually properly seen me crying. Probably a good thing. They'd all be, "Woah. 0_O" Haha.

I suddenly lost all motivation to practice. I ate a chip, started reading a sentence of my English and thought ,"LOL. Screw this, I'll be fine." Where'd that attitude come from? 

"I'd like to share with 5 great things about America. Freedom. Justice. America. And what's that last one? Oh yeah, Taco Bell." Bee Your Man- Relient K. Classic. Love this band. These lyrics are followed by guys talking with high, altered voices trying to sound like bees promoting their next album. They sound like they're on helium. Brilliance, right there. 

Saying "they're on helium" totes made helium sound like a drug.

I did not realise how much I liked Cheese & Onion chips until tonight. OM. NOM. NOM. 

MOTIVATIONAL POSTER SPAM

"because real people suck" - Yeah. So does the quality of this picture. 

Yes, Ryuk, you can haz apple :)

Ok. I'm done now. 

I lied.

That made me LOL. 

NOW I'm done. Better go read some Pride and Prejudice. It's getting really good again. The more Darcy there is, the better it is. Fact. Anywho, it's all intense and Darcy-filled at the moment. 

Think I'm getting a headache. Yes, I am. Great. Saying that made me headache worse... *facepalm*

Off to read and learn more English now. Wish me luck. With the English, not with reading. I am perfectly capable of reading. Not so much with learning 1500 word speeches in two days.

... I have a meerkat bookmark and one of the meerkats is looking at me really weirdly. It's kinda creeping me out o_O